Monday, August 1, 2011

Competitive Kickball

The ToeJammers (and friends) went up to Atlanta this past weekend to compete in GOKickball's Southeast Kickball Fest, which was an open tournament played in conjunction with their national tournament.  For me, the experience was much like that Las Vegas trip we took with the Alcoballics last year (but on a smaller scale... and I didn't lose a shit-ton of money gambling... and I don't think we're going to be banned from this league in a few months).

First off... we made the "Elite 8" before getting anally raped (10-0) by the team that has now finished 2nd both years this event has taken place.  Our team played well, and all three games we won were come-back wins in the LAST inning.  Apparently the second team we beat was the dominant team of their local GKB league, so at least we were able to beat one team who thought they were the tits.

ToeJammers (and friends) love tits.

We also finished 2nd in the flip-cup tournament... which was a disaster due to the cups provided by the bar.  They were taller and had a smaller diameter than normal Solo cups, so even in the finals BOTH teams had players 8+ flipping.  I haven't lost very many flip-cup tournaments in my life, so that was a little more disappointing than the kickball.

Anyway, the whole event was more organized than I expected.  GKB is still a growing league, but they have a long way to go and need to make a few changes before they'll ever be as large as the "Microsoft of kickball."  The problem (which will never go away) is that their rules cater too much to competitive kickball.  I'll post up my thoughts on their rules later in the week.

Last year in Vegas we learned about "The Circuit," which is a group of teams that travel the US and play in kickball tournaments.  From what I know... their site started as a portal to bridge all kickball leagues together.  They have a message board where people bitch and complain about all the normal kickball-related bullshit... and it's 100% all serious.  Ironically, I haven't heard of WAKA banning people for talking shit on that website (apparently MLoop doesn't read it).  It's only a matter of time until the guys who run the site attempt to start leagues nationally, and it appears the groundwork for that has already begun.  Everyone is a whore for your kickball dollars these days.

So what's wrong with competitive kickball?  The team we beat that was "the tits" had a line-up that was used by EVERY top team in the tournament: ten guys followed by four girls.  That is ToeJammer Tournament Mode on steroids.  The reason this happens is because munting (and in GKB's case, allowing the pitcher to run up past the mound) eliminates the need for females.  Not even the strongest legged girl is going to boot a ball over the defense when a male pitcher is throwing 100mph fastballs.  And no girl bunting will sprint faster to first base than a roided out Ed Hardy fan who is also allowed to munt.

We actually asked a guy about their line-up.  His response was (and I'm not joking): "We're here to win money.  Guys score the runs in kickball. So if a girl wants to play on our team they can take their rightful spot at the end of the line-up."

ToeJammer Christian quipped how we actually like our girls, and our rules make them a crucial part of the team.  But competitive dude-fests don't need chicks and as long as the rules of major leagues stay the same, they never will.

I came back from the tournament happy to have spent the past three years playing kickball with everyone in Tampa. We're easily the most creative, most close-knit and most ambitious kickballers in the nation.  Every season there's a few teams that take it too far and suck the fun out of the game... but even they are light years away from "The Circuit."  I look forward to sitting back in a few weeks, drinking beer at the fields (in my ice-cold and previously outlawed cooler), helping the Ligers to another .500 season... all while enjoying the companionship of our female friends.  Hell... they get on base more than our guys do anyway.

Oh... and the team that won the tournament... a traveling team ranked #5 on The Circuit at the time of this writing.  They also won the GKB national tournament in the morning, which means they won about 20 games in 14 hours (and lost none).  No thanks.

Ruben and Griff in action.

6 comments:

FRANK said...

Good Post chan. Nice pics as well. The circuit reminds me of globo gym.

barflett said...

Kickball is SRS Bizness

trinihic said...

Nice write up Chan Chan... :) Appreciate the love to the ladies...

Paige said...

Thanks for the lady love Chan and looking forward to yet another fun .500 Liger season! :) I love titties...in ma face! ;)

Maria said...

Now that I understand the Jammers are not the biggest ass holes in kickball, apparently they are the best dressed which I am even more proud of, this coming from the Fashion Major side of me. Congrats!

Nice write up Chan!

Red Headed Step-Child said...

Congrats TOEJAMMERS on being the "Best Dressed"!!!