Friday post

Anyone working today? Rob you still pissed? Beer Nuts moving up the power rankings!!! hahahaha.

Picks Update

When my gambling problem helps contribute to my drinking problem... it's a sure sign we have a good thing going.  Glad to see so many people making picks, and so many beers being dished out.

Maria (-5) owes a beer to the following TEN people (-1):

Angie
Gorecki
Griff
Duc
Bito
Rob
Florian
Nate Dawg
Cathy
Kristen

Congrats.

Ben from Dolla Dolla Wells Ya'll

You were right-ish. The rule states that the entire plant foot must be behind the front edge of the plate when the ball is kicked... not the back of the foot.

My bad.

I still don't think I cost you a run. But regardless I will buy you a beer. My apologies.

Who else is hungover today?

Week 3 Picks

Picks CLOSED... suckaa.

For those who won last week, make sure you get a drink from the 5 people who lost. I'm one of them so I'll help you hunt down the others:  (Chandler, Kyle, Frank, Cathy, SarahB) owe one drink to (Flo, Bito, Geoff, Gorecki, Rob, Griff, Smithkey, Grifter)

Waka Gameday

This one opens as normal size font

Red Rocket Report: Rockets Receive "Manual Release" From 'Happy Endings', Leave Nice Tip On the Counter in 15-4 Win

Asian Massage Parlors are a great place to stop by thursday nights after leaving Macdintons. My favorite is the Bangkok Health Massage on Kennedy. The staff is friendly, courteous and usually very hands on. With the exception of Florian screaming loudly in the next room, the setting is nice, peaceful and relaxing. Depending upon your masseuse (and your wallet), I'd highly recommend the additional services available. Nothing caps off a night like a happy ending.

Except maybe 15 happy endings! Because that's how many the Red Rockets had tuesday night when they were serviced all night by the Happy Endings, a team of hospital workers by day and erotic masseuses by night. The 15-run money shot explosion was a team record in scoring and the 7-run first inning facial was a season high. To say this one got "out of hand" in the early going would be a gross understatement.




"We knew this one was going to feel good going in," exclaimed Nate Leighton. "Kinda get the same feeling when I pull into the parking lot of the Gold Spa on South Dale Mabry. Those plump ladies there sure know how to take care of their customers!















But not everyone likes them the way Nate does.













The rockets were hyped for this game. Probably more than any all season. Yella, April and a few others wore floaties. Dawson carried a boogie board. Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki wore a grass skirt and bikini top. Numerous Rockets wore board shorts and Andy was sporting some interesting breast implants.

"They're real," she declared. "And they're spectacular!"









With 788 water balloons (give or take a few) present, this game set a record for most water balloons used in a kickball game. Below is a slow motion demonstration how the evening went for the Happy Endings.



And you ladies think you've taken serious facials before.

Back to the game.

After loading the bases in the first, Coach Griff booted a deep fly, rounded the bases and went down the slip 'n slide for the first grand slam of the season. This sent the Rockets into a frenzy and he was throw into the air 3 times. This would be almost all the offense the Rockets would need to win, but like Ron Jeremy, they didn't stop after that facial and kept on going.

The Rockets set records for runs, hits, total bases, balloons tossed, wetness, filth and even went through an entire bottle of Anal Eaze, which was a first.



"It's a good thing they're a team sponsor this season," explained Yellabird. "I went into debt buying case after case of that stuff last year and I was afraid I might have to dig into my personal stash this season. Just my opinion, but after about 10 minutes it's hard to tell if your partner is even wearing it."




Kudos to the Happy Endings. They just kept taking it all night and smiling all along. I think they may have even enjoyed it. How bad of an ass pounding was this? At one point the game was stopped due to the ref losing count of how many runs the Rockets scored. Five years of playing kickball, that was a first.

Unofficially the Rockets had the game scored 17-3, but after reviewing his Vegas bet of taking the Happy Endings (+12), Matt decided to do some creative score keeping and officially called it 15-4.

"We just didn't want to donkey punch them right away," explained Mike Smith Key. "We'd rather just keep the game going, get some more at bats and put on some more Anal Eaze."




The Rockets saved the donkey punching for at the bar. Due to his missing about 4 obvious calls, Griff donkey punched Matt.













After waking Matt up from the first donkey punch, it was Cathy's turn.













The final tally:

Red Rockets Reloaded 15
Happy Endings 4
Anal Eaze 100
Water Balloons 788


Other Game/Evening Notes:



Completely fed up with the lack of hot talent in Temple Terrace, Brooke decided to try wearing prescription strength beer goggles at the bar. DPT has no official word on if it helped.










Gaspar's "Catch of the Day" Nuggets taste like rubber.

The Sex Word/Phrase for the week is "the Windy City Surprise." The Windy City Surprise is when you get your girl in the sixty-nine position and right before she orgasms you release a long silent, but windy fart with your ass in her face blowing her hair back. Bonus points awarded if she finishes her orgasm without coughing.




Griff won the Donkey Punch for clearing the bases in the first inning with a grand slam.











Yella, Griff, Rubs and Dawson stayed undefeated in slip 'n slide games improving to 5-0-1 all time.








Cathy helped put together a shot that was called 'pooh in the pool.' They were tasty. April really savored the flavor of the pooh as seen here.

















For making some ridiculously bad calls that seemed to make me think he had money riding on the game, the Wendy was awarded to Kickball Society referee Matt S. It was the first time the award was not given to a Red Rocket. It was well deserved.










Here's a summary of Matt's misses.

- Reversed what appeared to be a clean home run by Chandler (probably the only one he's ever kicked before) by saying he kicked in front of the plate

- Missed an obvious out when a ball hit a runner near 2nd claiming he was screened from the play and thought the ball hit a rocket player when the nearest one was 10 feet away

- Missed two blatant 'munts.' When questioned about it he resorted to kickball rules claiming he cannot deviate from how the rule is written.

- Had the game scored differently than the Rockets by 3 runs and even stopped the game to compare his score against Griff's.



This week's 'Brooke Loves Yella's Karaoke Lyrics' are taken from Shania Twain's "Who Bed Have Your Boots been Under?"


Whose lips have your balls been under?
And whose mouth did you f--k I wonder?
This time did it feel like thunder, baby?
And did she swallow too?
And whose tits have you been kissin'?
And whose mouth did you make a mess in?
Is she the one that you've been jizzin' in, baby?
Well whose lips have your balls been under?


BTW, I wrote this entire post Bito style, standing in the kitchen completely nude.

Boom, visual inserted!

Ladies! The correct way to accept an engagement!

Just ask Hillary Duff

Game tonight!! 8pm

Red Rockets Reloaded introduce the classic Slip 'n Slide/Water balloon game to Kickball Society tonight!



Red Rockets Reloaded



VS.


Happy Endings




....and....WTF??

Internets!

You found it.

Week 3 Power Rankings

Chat Roulette Screengrabs

Some funny ones...

Kickball 1/4 season update with Adolf

I know its old and a bit played out. But if 'Ding Dong' can hang around, then why can't I make a topical Hitler parody video?

**Plus it was simple and easy to help me get my point across.

Response to Ty & Crystal Ball.

"Bito, if you have a question about rules you can contact rules@kickball.com.

Geoff, email me and remind me of the situation from last week. I don't remember it being shortened but its been a busy couple of weeks. The moment of silence only lasted a couple of minutes and started before 8pm so there shouldn't have been much trouble there.

We used to be able to control the lights directly before the field renovations. Now the lights are remotely controlled somewhere in Iowa or something crazy like that. Once they go out we can't turn them back on. At some point in the season as the days get longer we will be able to have them stay on until 9:30 because they won't have to be turned on as early. We are getting pretty close to that right now.

Really, if the games start on time there really shouldn't be much problem with getting the games completed in an hour unless teams take too long between innings or there is an injury or something like that.

Really, if you have a question, ask me directly. I really don't check the blog very often. I have to sometimes laugh when I have seen people post things complaining about why I haven't done this or that or why I am not answering whatever when that same person has never come to me to ask."


Ty, why would I email someone for an answer we both already know?

Maybe Hitler wouldn't be mad if you didn't respond to rhetorical questions with goofball answers. And try to put one over on us.

Also maybe you see it as complaining; other people might see it as the natives getting restless. We are not trying to be dicks. We are just venting about what we pay for and what we expect.

If things don’t change I could easily see a mass exodus to Kickball Society or even a few guys like myself and Chandler saying starting our own non-profit league. I’ve got spare time. Plus it can't be that hard. We already have everything in place.

We have a board.

We have fields.

We have established players and teams.

We have a bar.

We already have the premier weblog on the intertubes as well.

And with these plans we would have way more money/power and WAKA would be relegated to Tuesday Nights and finding fields with Kickball Society, TBCS and whoever else.

As a matter of fact here is how that would work.

WAKA Finances in an Educated Guess Fashion:
380 players pay $69 a season. 380 X $69 = $26,220
WAKA is a business. They have to make a profit, pay for the website, advertising, people like Ty, Tshirts Supplies etc. I’ve listed 3 different cuts that they probably take.
Lower -End WAKA cut of 30% = $7,866
Higher – End WAKA cut of 60% = $15,732
Split the difference and go with a WAKA cut of 45% = $11,799
Social Money for parties and such is about 15% = $3,933


So WAKA starts off with a gross of $26,220
45% or $11,799 goes to WAKA
15% or $3,933 goes to Social Money
That leaves 40% or $10,488
I’m willing to bet that all of that goes to PAL.

Plus there is also a sponsor bar. That probably is a negligible amount since any startup league would need one as well.

So maybe I should set up a 501(c)(3) (A non-profit organization) Guess who just so happens to know how to set one up and run it?? (If you said Bito, one gold star for you) and call it “Double Barrel Kickball – Twice the Fun. Twice the Danger” and then have everyone wants to play “Donate” $65(everyone likes to save money)

That would break down like this
DBK Gross = $24,700
Supplies, balls, bases, cones, etc. 3% = $741
T-Shirts 12% = $2964
Social 25% = $6,175
“Donation” to PAL 60% = $14,820

We all know PAL is money hungry. They would give us Thursday nights in a heartbeat. Hell we would be offering them nearly 40% more than WAKA, and asking for nothing more in return. Except lights until 9:30pm.

Also socially we would have 50% more money to work with. That is always fun.

Uh- oh. We are in the Danger Zone now.

We all know Thursday night in WAKA is super popular. DBK might just say fuck it. Lets go ahead and expand to 20 teams. Only this time we are lowering our “Donation” to $60.

There is more than enough room for one more field. That would give us 2 conferences of 10. 9 games round robin, play your sibling in the other league your 10th week. Oh and more tourney games too. Also we’d have about 460 – 480 Players. 460 player gives us even more bargaining power with Mac’s or any other bar. Oh and PAL could make more parking $$ too.


Lets look at the finances of DBK’s Danger Zone League
DBK DZ Gross(460 Players) = $27,600
Supplies, balls, bases, cones, etc. 3% = $828
T-Shirts 12% = $3312
Social 25% = $6,900
“Donation” to PAL 60% = $16,560


Hmm I bet PAL would love another:
DBK Annual Donation difference over WAKA = $8,000
DBK DZ Annual Donation Difference over WAKA = $13,000

So this plan is everything we currently have and but no WAKA intrusion/annoyance.
Oh and you save money.

I wonder how infrequently Ty will read this post.

Ty Talk Tie

Picks Results

Lots of people pickin'
Lots of people winnin'
Lots of people losin'

Winners-
Flo, Bito, Goeff, Gorecki, Rob, Griff, Smithkey and Grifter. - 2

Brie, Dawson, Jack, Paige, Nate, Kristen, and Bull - 3
Rollo, Maria, Marla, Jim, Yella and Allison - 4

Losers -
Chandler, Kyle, Frank,Cathy and Sarah - 5

****
All the winners are responsible for getting one $1 drink from the five losers.  Losers... make sure you pay up when they ask. It's only $8.

Picks update

The picks last night were a big cluster-fuck with so many people winning and so many people losing.  I'm sure Bito will post a recap soon... but I'll look it over and figure out the best way to divide up who owes what drinks.

Week 2 Picks

Picks are now closed.

Gameday

1:48 - Uhh uh stop it! OHHH LAWD!

News Story Out Of Oakland

Hilarious Video (With Subtitles)

Shih-Tzu for sale

let me know if you are interested. my neighbor has three girls and one boy. friend of friend price is $300.

US Men's National Team

Hey Guys,

I neglected to buy my ticket for the TBCS event for next weeks Game against El Salvador. Does anyone have an extra or is there anyone who has not gotten their tix that wants to go?

Let me know.

Grifter.

Red Rocket Report: Rockets Mercy Rule 'Kick in the Bollocks' 12-0, Dominate Competition to Win Theme Night Contest & $100 Bar Tab!

When L. Frank Baum wrote the Wizard of Oz in 1900, he probably didn't ever envision the lead character, a 12-year-old girl named Dorothy, ever being played by a "sexy on a stick" busty male 8-year-old wearing pantyhose and makeup. He probably also didn't envision the antagonist, an evil witch, being played by a ginger (not that he's racist... just sayin'). Nor did he ever dream up such a sexy female lion, athletic Tin Man and goofy ball/rhyme dropping scarecrow. Well, if Mr. Baum was alive today, I believe he would have an appreciation for the Rocket's character adaptation and spirited expression of his story. If not, Alicia would punch his sack, Toto would bite his ankle, Chandler would put a fist up his ass and Gorecki would probably drop the ball on his face. Not a pretty picture.

So the Rockets arrived in good spirits for their game tuesday night vs 'Kick in the Bollocks'. It was quite a show as the cast members started arriving one by one. All of the costumes were really outstanding. Everyone did a fantastic job putting theirs together. Not a single person punked out.

"Yeah, the participation was awesome," exclaimed Lollipop Guild member Brooke Britton. "So much that I was starting to get turned on and I was afraid I might just attack one of these sexy characters, but I slowed down counted to three and remembered Coach Griff's advice last week about thinking about baseball. It worked and I didn't rape or seduce a single teammate this week."

"All I know is that I wasn't paying $45 for a damn yellow brick road costume," explained Nate. "I've been feeling kinda sick. If it wasn't the theme night I might not have even come tonight. Well, if Hess wasn't in a dress and it wasn't theme night...no wait... shit, forget it. Where the f--k is my beer?!"

"I haven't been this excited about a theme since the Mexican/Border Patrol game a couple of years ago," said Dawson hicks, aka the Wicked Bitch of the West. "Except this one probably won't offend someone. Which is too bad I guess."

Some others were a bit more colorful. "I'd totally bang that flying monkey." declared Yellabird.



So after a couple of group shots, it was game time and Cathy was ready to attack. After getting out of a jam, the Rockets came up to kick in the bottom of the first. Without warning, they started off the night dry bareback. That's right, they proceeded to jam themselves up the ass of their opponent without any signature Anal Eaze lube. Oh the mercy.

This one got out of hand quickly. 11 batters, 7 runners followed the yellow brick road home, a couple of fireballs were thrown, flying monkeys attacked, numerous screams were heard, some blood was drawn, a pink sock appeared (will be explained later), one monstrous facial later... and this one was all but over.




This was the kind of inning the Rockets had been waiting for, a straight up ass raping that would make a gay black man blush. Afterward, it seemed like 'Kick in the Bollocks' just wanted to lay down in the fetal position. Feeling bad for doing so much damage to their poop chutes in the first inning, the Rockets applied some Anal Eaze and gently squeezed across 5 more runs in the next 2 innings. Without much of a fight, the Rockets got the Bollocks in that oh so familiar position and donkey punched them out of their misery. A third inning knockout win, 12-0.


After the quick disposal of another opponent, the Rockets put on a photo shoot. The 4 main characters all stood on the yellow brick road, aka Nate, and smiled arm in arm (after Mike showed Cathy how to do it, maybe she should have been the brainless scarecrow).












They tried to skip together but that didn't work.















Finally they got it down just striding together and finished it off with some jumping pics.












After picking up their gear, it was on to the bar for the competition.











There were a few teams that actually pulled off some kind of theme. The Bushwackers tried some kind of ER doctors and trailer trash theme. Drunk Again and Looking to Score made some nifty Cave Man attire a la Bam Bam from the Flintsones. And the Happy Endings went for a fun in the sun theme. Of course, none of these efforts stood a chance. The Kickball Society brass got together and awarded the Rockets a $100 bar tab. This reporter believes they would have preferred to give the award to a different team, but had no choice. The execution of the Rockets was insane and unlike any I've ever seen before. Every person was in a costume. The shit was almost flawless.









They even doused Dawson with water...















Causing him to melt.... hope Edith doesn't mind.











Here's a full cast breakdown:


Dorothy -- Yella





Scarecrow -- Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki





Cowardly Lion -- Cathy





Tin Man -- Griff





Wicked Bitch of the West -- Dawson





The Wizard -- Smith Key





Auntie Em -- Sarah B





Uncle Henry -- Chandler





Wicked Bitch of the East -- Alicia





Glinda the Good Bitch of the South -- Kristen





Tornado -- Andy the Girl Scout





The Yellow Brick Road -- Nate





Flying Monkey -- April





Lollipop Guild -- Brooke & Maria





Game/Evening Notes:

It was cold. Really cold if all you had on was a dress.



Gaspar's in Temple Terrace now marks the third bar I've been to that Bito took off his shirt. Do we need an intervention?





















The sex word for the week is "pink sock." A pink sock is when your having anal sex with your girl and at the the moment of climax, you donkey punch her unconscious, then pull out quickly leaving her colon inverted and thus resembling a pink sock. More common when no Anal Eaze is used. BTW, if you're reading this while eating lunch, Bon Apetit!




Maria made some tasty jello shots after a two week hiatus. :)









Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki won the Donkey Punch for finishing the game without dropping any balls (or rhymes unfortunately). This may have been the first time this year that happened. Could this be a trend? Doubtful. Vegas currently has him as a 3-1 underdog next week. Guess they expect him to drop at least one.












There's something about a man dressed as a woman that women really like. And I'm not sure it's the man.











There really is no place like home.














The Rockets now have accumulated $150 of bar tab at Gaspar's by winning every contest this season except one. Friday drunk lunch anyone?

The Rockets won without the services of Ruben, Mikey and Thunder.








Chandler won the Wendy when he became the first Red Rocket to ever walk a kicker in the 2nd inning. How bad did he pitch? Even Cathy didn't walk a batter.












Wearing a sports bra and pantyhose really sucks.

This week's 'Brooke Loves Yella's Karaoke Lyrics' is taken from Pat Benatar's 'Heartbreaker'

Your booty is like a tidal wave, shaking over my head
Drownin' me in your sexiness, better left unsaid
You're the right kind of stroker, to release my inner spermees
The invincible blower, and you know that you were born to be

You're a Nutbreaker
Jizz Maker, Skeet Taker
Don't you stop blowing me!
You're a Nutbreaker
Jizz Maker, Skeet Taker
Don't you stop blowing - NO NO NO!