E-Flo in Cahoots With Woman Who Runs Over Duck

Florida Women, Enraged When Duck Won't Eat her Candy, Runs It Over With Car

Apparently this is your M.O.

Long Dormant, Mount E-Flo Erupts

Week 3 - Power Rankings

Week 3 Picks

Since I gave Jess a hassle for not doing picks week 1 and then ignored picks in week 2, I figure I owe it to DPT to do picks in week 3.  Yes, it's only an hour before the deadline and no they won't be funny.  I plan on owing myself beers at Y of A, whenever I actually show up for post kickball beers.

I will not, however, be doing any excel work, tabulating, or fancy coloration of cells for this.  Only presenting you with my extraordinarily uneducated picks.

Game 1: TBN v Growlers

I didn't get to see TBN play in week 1, but I do see they lost to a team called Pitches Be Cray.  That's not a good sign when playing the perennial asshole powerhouse squad in black.  I'm going to assume the Growlers dominate this game.  What to watch for: Nate's temper tantrum when a Growler takes a walk.

Game 2: Great Balls of Fire v PBC

Two teams I know absolutely nothing about.  It's tough to make jokes about nothing.  6-5 GBoF, I guess.

Game 3: Rikickulous v OAF

OAF is not good at kickball, but I really dislike names of teams that just throw "kick" in there somewhere so people know you're referencing a kickball team.  It's really dumb.  Tough choice between two giant sucks in the same game.  OAF wins, I guess.  Making picks used to be fun...

Game 4: Ballics v Superbad

Making Ballics jokes was a lot easier with Gorecki in town.  Fortunately for us, we know there's a little Gorecki on the way, at least according to a facebook post that was quickly deleted.  Good luck deleting this, Gorecki (who probably still checks in here on occasion)!  Superbad wins.

Game 5: Ligers v FreeBallers

Apparently we're doing a theme game for this one.  Football players and cheerleaders.  Very creative.  I know absolutely nothing about the FreeBallers, but I think I'd be pretty uncomfortable just letting my junk swing in the breeze under some gym shorts on the kickball field.  At the strip club on the other hand...  Ligers win.

Picks Week 2

We all know Rain will be the real winner this week (deja vu anyone?) but you're probably bored as shit at your crappy desk job (or maybe that's just me) so make some picks.  For all the new lurkers out there (if they exist anymore) this is where you write funny shit at the expense of others and make people laugh.  We'll (maybe) keep tabs of winning Pickers at the end of the season and give you some sort of awesome prize. And by awesome I mean terrible.

Week 2 - Power Rankings

"I believe the 4 people that read the Power Rankings like them" -Nate

Power Rankings

I told myself I was done with this shit, but 83% of the blog's dedicated followers insisted (yep 2 people).  Here's to wasting my time!

Kickball Drama

It turns out that drama in kickball is pretty wide spread, and all leagues have chain emails like The Ligers. A few things here...I really enjoyed that their team names are the Pigeons and the Pandas, we really should have an all animal team name season. Instead of team captains this league has coaches. I also enjoyed that he referenced Ultimate Survival Alaska since I enjoy that show. 

To quote Willie from Ultimate Survival Alaska, “why do you go out and test yourself because you can, why do men climb mountains because they are there…if you have to ask these question you will never understand the answer in the first place”. That is how I feel right now…

Keeping my contributor pic alive, 
Litman

Johnny - include this in the next clinic

and by next, I mean first.

Anyone see CJ at the HR Derby last night?

In an effort to get my contributor pic back...

CJ is a Mets fan...who knew?

See Smooty get robbed!!!

This actually happened about a month ago.  Some kids ran into my garage and stole my roommate's bike.  I was actually there when it happened but if I remember correctly I was super hungover and didn't even know it happened until the next day when we realized that the bike was gone.

After a week had gone by, I was talking with my neighbor and told him about it and he said that he had a motion-sensor video camera that was directed at his front yard (driveway).  He checked it out and this is the crime in progress.  This is footage from his house (we share a mailbox, so it kind of picks up what's going on in part of my front yard).

 

This is the first video that show the kids rolling up on their bikes and scoping the place out.  They notice my open garage and go in for the kill.  Once they're all out of screen the video stops.

 

 

 

 

The motion-sensor camera picks up the perpetrator on his way out.

 

 

We showed this to the police, but of course they have better things to do than worry about a stolen bike.



fart noise for the blog.

Justin v Chandler

I regret missing the hostilities. This is how I envision it going down:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abn9yziChlw

Crystal Pitcher Results

We actually had a tie for the Crystal Pitcher today. THEE Beer Nuts and rookies Overcoming Adversity on the Field both had 20 votes. It was decided at Stoney's to have a flip-off... with TBN winning 4-1 for the outright Crystal Pitcher award. Congrats.

Below is the voting spread:

Notes of interest:

- OAF was propped up by SuperBad, while TBN got some decent votes from 5 of 7 teams.

- The Alcoballics once again almost all voted for SuperBad. And once again SuperBad didn't return the favor. Strange relationship you kids have going on. One sided if you ask me.

-  THEE Beer Nuts, for once, didn't spread their votes out evenly in hopes of elevating their chance of winning. Seems they liked the 'Ballics this season.

- PbC got 4 votes after winning the award last season.

- The only team in the league that found the Ligers funny was OAF.

- Yes, Justin Miller did sucker punch me in the face at Stoney's after he found out he couldn't alter another grown man's opinions with empty threats. Unfortunately for him, his situation in life hasn't changed: he's still a delusional, belligerent and violent drunk (more examples to follow later in the off-season)... and I still don't respect the kid. It's a shame he even allows himself to be upset by me. I'm slightly flattered.

Made me laugh

Picks Week 10

Probably no one will make any since viewership of this blog has hit an all time low. No matter - the rain will likely win all picks this week anyways

Broken Wings - 1985

Crystal Pitcher

Hi guys. I'm back again for a quick moment.

We'll be voting again this season for the Crystal Pitcher, which goes to the "most fun" team in the league. As always, you don't really win anything... maybe a couple of bottles of champagne if Johnny remembers to buy some... but you do get the pride that comes along with this highly political award.

Voting takes place on May 11th at the tournament. 

I'll be giving each team ballots (one for every player who actually shows up to the tournament). You can not vote for your own team. Please return them to the box at the Liger tent that says: CRYSTAL PITCHER.

Sometime around the semi-finals we'll tally everything up and announce the winner.

You have two weeks to state your case as to why your team should win. Just don't let the Alcoballics near your ballots. They like to throw away votes that are not for them (true story).

Todd McShay's Mock Draft Report

While I was in the middle of writing this week's Power Rankings I received a surprise call from ESPN Analyst, Todd McShay, with his predictions for the upcoming GoKickball draft.  He asked that I send them over for all the lurkers.

Picks Week 10

Season is almost over. Kinda like this blog. Womp womp.

Stoney's 8th Year Anniversary

I'm taking a quick break from kickball blogging retirement, because Juan (the owner/manager of Stoney's) asked me to post the following information:

Stoney’s 8th Annual Anniversary on Saturday Night  - April 27th

Great entertainment and company. 

•             Show starts at 9pm

•             Featuring a great local band – John Springs and Nervous Turkey (New Orleans Style)

•             1305 22nd St Ybor City (1 block from IKEA)