Defensive Battle b/t Alcoballics and Top Shelf

After a season off, Alcoballics are back and showed up in full force for the season opener vs. Top Shelf. With a roster of 14 girls and 13 guys, the sideline was flooded with Cardinal Red jerseys. Alcoballics are looking to make a statement this season with the addition of new players, Alcoballics paraphernalia and a new logo. Let’s take a look at how they did on the field.

In what was probably the quickest game in WAKA history (official time = 00:27:46), Alcoballics and Top Shelf shut each other out ending in a 0-0 tie. At one point, I had to wake one of the refs up on the field. Both teams had a chance to bring in runners, but couldn’t capitalize. One could argue that both teams played stellar defensive OR offensively, both teams struggled.
Perhaps the Alcoballics should change their chant from AL-CO-BALL-ICS 1-2-3 DRINK to AL-CO-BALL-ICS 1-2-3 OUT!!!

The highlight of the night goes to April Warner, who had a nice popcorn catch to end the 3rd inning and was awarded the Unit Trophy. And the lowlight of the night goes to none other than Angie, who managed to foul out at her only at bat and had to wear the Ding Dong hat to MacDinton’s.

Alcoballics will look to rebound offensively next week as they kickoff vs. Kick Tease (aka FloNette) at 7 pm on Field D.

Has “Your Mom” finally turned into a classy lady?

Well... She don' tried all types of shit
She quick to deep throat the dick
And let another bitch straight lick the clit

So the answer is NO.

And now "Your Mom" has added WINNING to her many talents. Something she has failed to grasp the past few seasons.

Know this children... "Your Mom" doesn't have time for wordy recaps, funny pics, self deprecation and/or laserdisc jokes. She has got shit to do around the house.

As for a recap from last nights game against NKOTB. We have Tony. And Tony "Won us the game" and that is all you need to know.

Next week "Your Mom" will burst (a la guys disgusting back cyst/zit) that tiny little bubble of hope and joy that Pick Me Up somehow managed to get a hold of by upsetting Yegabombs last night.

Es Un Juego Sucio! Chumps.

BeerJammed! Soul Glo Retains the BeerJam Belt With 4-0 Win!

A very sore ankle and seconds thoughts about trading away Phillip Rivers to the Horny Unicorns didn't stop John "Griff" Griffin from knocking in the game winning RBI last night. The reigning jheri curl looking champion, MVP and homerun king from the Red Rockets didn't see any action in the field, but looked to be healthy at the plate. Bad news for the Ligers, who probably won't see last night's game film due to Rollo's excessive "tipping" at gay bars and very costly off-season gender change operation, thus no VCR.

Game Notes

Ruben "Rubs" Kajkowski somehow pitched balls between blades of grass taller than Nate, which is only slightly higher than normal, in route to another shutout.

Mike "SportsCenter" Longton made the defensive play of the year in the 4th inning when he tracked down a foul ball and made a diving grab and tumbled over landing on his feet. Sick catch. If Frank had seen it, he might have gotten an erection.

Chris "Hey man..." Gomez showed some nice range running down a fly ball in center field.

Dawson "draft the Steelers D in the 2nd round" Hicks picked up his first win as captain.

Amber made a nice catch in left field.

When Charlie stands next to Nate they kinda look like Penn and Teller.

Many of the Jammers enjoyed watching Katie run to first base.

The Beer Nuts drank tons of beer.

Recaps...

Let's get those recaps going... I'll start...

Practice Makes Mediocre

In a not-so-stunning chain of events, Superbad tamed the Ligers 3-1 on Overgrown Prairie B last night. The 7pm beating was filled with preseason mistakes, made mostly by the good guys in blue. Superbad played the part of kickball bullies, when one of their lovely ladies decided to boot a ball OVER the head of outfielder Joe. Two RBI resulted and the game was pretty much decided. Obviously from their 8 practices this off season, Superbad had plenty of time to review all of the Ligers' tapes from the previous two seasons. And they had to have noticed that Joe always lets balls pass him.

Kinda bullshit if you ask me. The Ligers' don't own a VCR or LaserDisc and thus couldn't watch Superbad's tapes.

Anyway... at least the Ligers shut down The Hen House. And by that I'm referring to the cackling hens: Missy, Michelle and Sydney... who were too mesmorized by Chandler's giant chicklet teeth to get on base. Just sayin'... Take the victories where you can get them.

The Ligers travel to SoulGlo stadium next week to challenge the ToeJammers in what is sure to be an instant classic. In an effort of extra stupidity, the Liger captains have vowed not to shave until they get a win. We're looking at you, BeerNuts (week 3).

"Field B"

One of the Nastiest Videos I've ever seen.

If you aren't excited enough already for the start of Florida Football..

just watch this..

Week 1 Picks

You all should know the drill by now. Please submit your picks BEFORE 5pm on Thursday. By entering your picks, you agree to the following conditions:

1) We are playing for drinks at MacDinton's.

2) The worst scores of the week must purchase drinks for the best scores; distribution of drinks will be as even as possible.

3) Examples of payouts are as follows:
a) one winner and multiple people tied for last = each loser buys the winner one drink
b) same number of winners as losers = each loser buys only one winner a drink
c) multiple people tied for first and only one loser = loser must buy each winner a drink
d) multiple winners tied and multiple losers tied and numbers aren't even = all losers must buy one drink for each winner

4) Failing to comprehend this payout system automatically disqualifies you.

That's all the rules. Don't come in last and you never have to worry. On to the picks!!

Horny Unicorns Land QB Phillip Rivers, YellaBird Declares Team is "Playoff Bound"

The Horny Unicorns acquired QB Phillip Rivers via a trade with ChoozyMomsChoozeGriff on tuesday night in exchange for QB Matt Ryan, WR Santonio Holmes and a beer to be named later. The deal will help both teams. Rivers immediately steps in to be the Horny Unicorn's starter upgrading their QB position, while Holmes upgrades a starting WR spot and overall WR depth for ChoozyMomsChoozeGriff. Ryan will serve as Manning's new backup QB.

After being drafted only two rounds after starting QB, Peyton Manning, it was apparent ChoozyMomsChoozeGriff had to be deal Rivers sooner or later. Rivers had become openly bitter towards the coaching staff over being drafted to backup Manning and was using the media to voice his displeasure. The two QBs had multiple verbal altercations on the practice field and the locker room was becoming divided. After monday's film session, Rivers ran to the bathroom at the team facility only to find the stall was completely out of toilet paper. That's when he reached his breaking point and demanded to be traded.

The Horny Unicorns introduced Rivers at a press conference late last night. Rivers seemed very excited to be a Horny Unicorn. "I'm stoked," he said. "To go from being somebody's bitch backup to the man on a team with this much talent is awesome! Hell, I've got a boner right now!" Rivers thanked the Horny Unicorns for getting him out of a stressful situation and now simply wants to concentrate on getting ready for week 1 vs Goin' Deep. "I'm so thankful to Mr. Yellabird and the entire Horny Unicorns organization," he said. "I just promise to work hard and be a leader on this team."

After ordering extra toilet paper for the team's facility, Yellabird boldly declared, "this team is playoff bound," calling Rivers the missing ingredient to bring a Bayshore FFL title to the already highly decorated former Toejammer captain. Question is, is there even room for another title anywhere on his mantle if they do win it?

Don't be afraid...

It is a just a pansy sport, played by grass fairies.




So who is coming out tonight to Cinco Soccer?

District 9

I usually don't like movies (they never live up to the hype) and almost never recommend movies to friends... but I happened to see District 9 last night and I thoroughly enjoyed it. For all you mindless people out there who just love good fight scenes and bodies exploding into bloody goo... there's plenty of that. But the surprising part was the story, which was excellent and made you actually give a shit about the characters. I won't get into the social parallels... but it was very well done.

Anyway... that's my one movie recommendation for the year. Hope you like it.