Save Your Pets After Jesus Saves You!

Best idea I've heard in awhile.  So we all know the Rapture is going to take place on Saturday.  But while you ascend to Heaven, what happens to your pet??  Well... Fluffy will sadly get left behind and slowly starve to death in your home.  He might even die of an infection after he eats his own feces in a desperate attempt to replenish vital nutrients.  While you're busy doing keg stands with Jesus, your dog has about eight days of severe suffering to endure.

This is just one of the many consequences of the Rapture that believers fail to think about, even though the concept of Jesus rescuing all the saved souls before the End of Days was conceived 1,700 years after Christ's death!  Did the Puritan's not own dogs?

But don't fret! Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is here to help!

That's right... some genius started a company in 2009 to profit from this May 21st nonsense.  For $135, you can have a documented Atheist come to your house after the Rapture to retrieve your pet. They will adopt the animal as their own and take care of it until we all die in the Last Judgment.  Read the FAQ for answers to all the obvious questions.

To date, the company has made over $30,000.