Toejammers lobby for Victory, Parenting Loses

"..Annd they probably play kickball like d*ckholes."

"Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control."
                         
                                                                        - Dr. Phil

               
                     

                              Last night the Toejammers (6-1) had a wee little issue with attendance. I knew some people were going to be out, but we at least had three lady-jammers and six man-jammers (he said MAN-jammer) committed to the cause. So I notify the ref of our shorthanded fielding, to which he says that we have to forfeit.

SAY WHAT?

I thought we were allowed to play shorthanded, as long as we had an acceptable guy/girl ratio.
Welp, fortunately our 3rd base ref (Alison) keeps the official GKB rules website bookmarked on her smartphone (after all the blog action this week, who can blame her). Within seconds I have a text message stating:
"General Rules #3: Game Eligible Requirement.
There must be at least 4 women and a total of 8 players at the start time of the game for a team to be "game eligible", otherwise the game will result in a forfeit loss. Those players must wear their team t-shirt and be registered players of the respective team. If both teams have less than 4 girls, then game-on and the game must start at it's scheduled time."

F.....M....L...  I like our pretty white jerseys!

So I explained to the head ref that we've always allowed teams to play shorthanded (**hint hint..mid-season rule UN enforcement, anyone?? rabble rabble rabble) so he goes and checks with our opponent, Guys, Balls & Dolls (0-7).

F...M....L... These guys are desperate and don't know that we usually play!

So here's how I imagine this exchange went:
Ref: "So you guys can get your first win of the season tonight by way of forfeit! Oh...and the Toejammers said they will play shorthanded if you'll let them."

Now the ACTUAL reaction I heard after the ref spoke with them:
Ethel (no joke..their captain's name is really Ethel):"Hell ya we'll take the forfeit win! Whoohooo our first win of the season, folks! F' YA! Metamucil Shots, everyone!

So after my initial surprise, I calmly walk over to their geriatric mosh-pit of celebration to talk to Ethel: "Really guys? I had a hard enough time getting MOST of my team to make it tonight and now you're gonna make us forfeit? Typically teams in this league will allow other teams to play shorthanded when they are short just one girl..."


But before I could finish my appeal, Toejammer A-Hole Matt (TAHM??) goes out into the field and rips off one of these bad-boys:



Classic Matt.


So after witnessing this alternate method of appeal, Ethel says "You know what..let's just play the game so you guys can get your win." 


And her team begrudgingly takes the field to receive their now-weekly beating.


Final Score: Toejammers 10 - Guys, Balls & Dolls 1




Moral to this story (obviously):

For all you baby factories out there ready to pop out some little kickball-kids: DON'T BE A PERMISSIVE PARENT. If you give in to your kids when they throw a temper-tantrum, they will fail to mature or learn self-control. And probably whoop your ass in kickball. Hi Tony!




Game Notes:


- No Soul Glo MVP Boot or wig were given out after this game. Awkwardness was plenty rewarding.


- After the game, myself, Ruben, and TAHM talked with Ethel (still her real name) for a while and smoothed things over. We gave her some encouraging advice on sticking it out with this whole kickball thing and that starting a new team is a process. It just takes time to learn the in's and out's like the veteran teams, and they'll surely see improvement after season one. Ethel appreciated the encouragement and conceded that she understood our position of not wanting to take the forfeit. She admitted if her team were in the title hunt she'd be just as d*ck-hole as us to not let a forfeit happen. I think she saw a little bit of herself in Toejammer A-Hole Matt. We also offered to handle their reffing duties for the 8:45 Greenies vs. Grimace match up...which  NEVER HAPPENED.


- Soul Glo DID finally make a showing at YOA. I had a good time while collecting free drinks from that big 11-drink win a few weeks back (gambling rocks), plus a couple from this week's picks (Thanks, Natalie & Litman!). I've been hanging out in North Tampa a little too much...forgot how good the "scenery" was down in SO-Trendy-SOHO.