Red Rocket Report: Rockets Pop Late Boner in Cum From Behind 8-7 Win, Dominate Flip Cup Tourney

Defense win championships. We've all heard that before, but is it absolutely true? Can a team of drunken offensive minded, butter-fingered misfits win a title? Has it ever happened before? Does it really even matter?

The Rockets got back to their new trick this year, which is unload an early facial on a team, get a nice lead, get stoned mid game, then screw around drop 5 balls and lose the lead. Not exactly the way Coach Griff drew it up.

"No, not at all," Griff said. "Usually I throw in some nude scenes and close ups, but I guess we just didn't have time. Hell, I think we only played 4 innings again. Barely enough time to have 2 orgasms."

This game was very similar to the 7-6 loss a couple of weeks ago only this time the opponent was an undefeated top-ranked team. The Rockets built the same sized lead early on, 4 runs. Gave up the same amount of runs, 7. And it even featured the same signature Gorecki drops.

"That Gorecki gots some mean dropping skillz," said star rapper and Red Rocket fan Busta Rhymes. "Anybody dat drops balls like dat has gotta be capable of dropping hard rhymes too. Gots to get his ass in da recording studio and see what he can do."




Here's what DPT believes the album cover might look like. Talk about two different worlds colliding, but you can't stop fate I guess.







So the Rockets found themselves trailing "Drunk Again And looking to Score" down 7-5 going into the last inning. Time for some Anal Eaze. Some base hits and aggressive base running put them in position to comeback until a low liner by Nate doubled off Thunder at 1st base. Andy would score to cut it to one, 7-6. So 2 out nobody on and down by one, Chan drag bunted a single very Rollo style. A bunt single by Maria and throwing error would send Chan home to tie it. Then Griff connected blasting a double sending Maria across the plate to retake the lead, 8-7. The Rocket now had their opponent right where they wanted them......








Which is usually this position. A quick Donkey Punch later and that was all she wrote.









The Final Tally
Red Rockets 8
Drunk Again 7
Anal Eaze 19


Flip Cup Tourney Recap:



So, now it was on to the flip cup tourney. The Rockets were stoked about this competition. The Rocket applied some Anal Eaze to get ready for action.









"Oh yeah, I get up for this shit," commented Co-Caption Brooke. "If you can't get up for a flip cup competition, drinking free beer AND possibly winning a $50 tab at a bar with some of these hot Temple Terrace locals, then you're just not Red Rocket material."

"Oh it's a big deal, No joke." Nate added. "Do I look like I'm joking around? Check out my Red Rocket about to launch. Think he's joking around?"

Cathy had her game face on and was ready to claw somebody's eyes out.



So the tourney begins. "Drunk Lunch" a team consisting of Brooke, Griff, Chan, Cathy and Yella destroyed their first opponent. It was domination. Like a fat person dominating a buffet. Total carnage minus the gravy. Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki even threw in a "whoop, whoop" at the end. He's so ghetto.



Their next opponent didn't fare much differently. Totally dominated. Like a fart dominating an elevator. It was bad. People were in tears.



Before long, they found themselves in the finals. They expected to face their counterparts, "the Dirty Tebows," a team consisting of Dawson, Nate, Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki and a couple of BushWackers. However that team was a first round victim. Dawson set a Kickball Society record for futility when he missed 19 consecutive flips. Count them yourself if you don't believe me, here's the footage. And don't worry about him. He'll bounce back.









Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki tried to give Dawson some pointers after the debacle. Of course, Dawson didn't take too kindly and Donkey Punched Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki right in front of everybody.






















So it was on to the finals. Our Hornball Heroes dropped the first round, but it would be their only loss of the night. They would win the next three rounds to put it away in dominant fashion... like a rapist on Viagra dominating a sorority house. Chandler would boldly declare that all he does is win championships and the Rockets sang their signature 2,4,6,8 that the rest of the league is starting to loathe.



Other Game/Evening Notes:

Playing flip cup with Yuengling Balck & Tan is not a good idea.

The sex word for the week is "finger-roll." The finger roll is when you jack off, cum in your hand and then fist a girl with the handful of jizz. Our resident Red Rocket fisting expert, Chandler, educated us on this phenomena a couple of weeks ago. I have so much to learn from this man.





His educational info and performance won him the Donkey Punch honors, while the entire team shared the Wendy honors. When Yella donned the Wendy wig, Chan was overcome with erotic emotion.
















No jello or pudding shots again. :(

Andy may be a girl scout but damn can that woman run the bases.

The Rockets won despite missing the services of Sarah, Kristen, Mikey and Ruben.









Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki gave Yella a surprise prostate exam. He should have been a proctologist.










This weeks "Brooke Loves Yella's Karaoke Lyrics" is from Guns N Roses' 'Knockin' On Heaven's Door'

Bartender please take this creep away from me,
I can't stand looking at his missing teeth anymore,
Losers, old farts with puppets and X-Men wannabes are all I see
Feels like I'm drinkin' at Gaspar's bar

Drink-drink-drinkin' at Gaspar's bar
Drink-drink-drinkin' at Gaspar's bar
Drink-drink-drinkin' at Gaspar's bar
Drink-drink-drinkin' at Gaspar's bar