Friday, June 12, 2009

The Red Rocket Report: Rockets Sweep Doubleheader and Blast Facials All Over Got Green? and the Arguing Chickens!


Welcome to the first edition of the Red Rocket Report, your top source for video, interviews, news and all things related to the Red Rockets. For our first installment of "The Triple R" we've got a special treat in store for you. We've actually hired a special celebrity reporter to fill you in on all the action that took place this week. All the way in from California, he's appeared in over 2,000 adult films and is known for once sucking his own dick on film (Rollo keeps trying but can't match him), "the Hedgehog" himself.... Ron Jeremy







Yella: Ron, it's quite a thrill to have you!

Ron: Thanks, Yella. Good to see your scrawny ass, cockface again.

Yella: LOL... yessir, it's been a while hasn't it?

Ron: Too long.

Yella: How has your trip down here to Tampa been so far?



Ron: Been better than usual. Had about 5 ladies bow down to me at the airport tuesday and I got my cock sucked twice today playing golf, which is the only way to play that gay ass game.

Yella: Really? Didn't you go play golf with Chandler today?

Ron: Yeah, that's who was blowing me.

Yella: Oustanding.

Ron: He's okay. I've had way better.

Yella: We all have. Well, Ron, I think it's time for this week's Red Rocket Report.

Ron: I'm ready, but isn't somebody supposed to be sucking my dick while I do this?

Yella: Right. Hey Chandler!!! Anybody seen Chandler??

Chandler: Right here!

(Pants unzipping)

Ron: Ohh... that's it... okay...here we go,




Well it was a big doubleheader night for the Red Rockets this past wednesday. They got to the field early for a late afternoon makeup game with Got Green? and really pounded some serious ass in this one. I mean, I've done scenes where I banged chicks that were tied-up that put up more of a fight than these green boners did. The Rockets blasted multiple loads all over their faces in the first inning making "Got Green?" think they should rename themselves to "Got a Towel I Can Borrow?"

Irish and Griff each homered in the early going and it was just all over from there. Irish has really turned his game up lately and his performance earned him "the Rocket Man" title for game 1. I was proud of that crazy Irish bastard and even took him and Dookie to the strip club after we left the fields.



You'll love this story, Yella. So we're at the strip club right? We weren't in there 5 minutes and I asked him something I've been wondering ever since I met him. I ask him if it's true that Irishmen have got little leprechaun-sized packages. He looked confused. So I was like, you know..... your Lucky Charms. Is it the big box or the small box? No response, so the music finally died down and I scream out, I hear ya got a small dick! The whole time Ali is rolling on the floor laughing and Irish just looked at me like he was going to take my head off. Good thing I have my own personal security wherever I go.


So back to the game...

For Griff, it was his 4th homer of the season. Afterward, he was so pumped up he posed for a pic showing how fat he can make his cheeks look while making a kissy face. Blue Steel has got nothing on that look!

A 6-run first, the most runs the Rockets have scored in inning this season, put this one out of reach. By the third inning, the Rockets put on some cherry flavored Anal Eaze, a product Yella and myself highly recommend, just to show mercy to these ass clowns. I don't think they were able to even sit down the next day. I've banged a lot of chicks in the ass, but I don't think I've ever seen one take it like that.



Some other notes from the game. Duc "Duck" Truong pitched two strong innings and had a memorable baserunning moment in the 3rd inning. After kicking a double he attempted to advance to third, but was called out for "ducking" from the throw. That's right. A guy with the first name "Duc" who's nickname is "Duck" was called out for "ducking." I swear I'm not making this shit up, folks. If I had that kind of imagination, and a smaller cock, I'd probably be writing porn instead of starring in it.



So, my good buddy, the Rubs, (pictured here on the right with me at a strip club on tuesday night) came in and closed this thing out getting the last 9 outs.




Final Score:

Red Rockets 12
Got Green? 1
Anal Eaze 36



So that was game one. Game two was a much different story, but like most of my scenes, a very predictable and sticky outcome. Up next were the Kickin' Chickens. Almost as gay of a name as Got Green?

Well, these chickens we're doing some kickin' but not as much as they were arguing. They bitched and moaned at the ref more than most directors yell at me for "not getting into it enough" in a scene. So I tell them, hey if you had as many girls grabbing your cock on a daily basis as I do, you'd get bored of it too. You want excitement? Put Schwack and Florian in a scene together, covered with chocolate, maybe add a chick, throw in a rhino and a midget with no limbs. Now that's porn, baby!



Yella: Hey Ron, we're all big fans of limbless midget rhino porn, but can we get back to what happened in the game?

Ron: Yeah, sorry, Yella. So, somewhere between all of Chickens' bitching over calls, the Rockets put up a 4 spot and then hung on like they were doing it doggy style. "Duck" pitched two more solid innings, didn't duck on the basepaths and then my man, the Rubs, took over in the 3rd and finished it off. There were some tense moments in there, but the Rockets never looked scared. The Chickens took it up the ass like champs, but it wasn't enough to stop the Rockets, who seem to be on a mission this season.

Final Score:

Red Rockets 4
Arguing Chickens 2
Anal Eaze 7

The Rocket D started to let him down there for a bit, but he came back with some solid stuff and even got out of a jam in the 4th. Plus he had some serious wicked package exposure in those green shorts he borrowed from Cathy. That literally earned him "the Rocket Man" title of game 2.

Yella: Elton John must be buzzing with excitement?

Chandler: mrph! (spit sounds) I know I'm excited!

Ron: Oh, hey Chan... forgot you were down there. How's that taste?

Chandler: Mmmmm.... cherry flavored.

Ron: It should after last night at Rollo's place. Should have just crashed at Rubs place again. Okay, cocksucker... I'm done here.

(pants zipping back up)

You got me twice today already and with a tongue like that you should work in the business, but I've got to go.

Yella: Ron, it's been a pleasure.

Chandler: Yes a real pleasure!

Ron: In more ways than one, Yella.

Yella: Any final words before we're done here?

Ron: Yeah, just for shits and giggles, I posted Jeanette's private video on Youtube. Here it is. Some pretty nice work. Enjoy eveyone!



Yella: That's the Red Rocket Report for weeks 3 and 4. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Next week is the much anticipated week 5 theme game match up with the 4-0 "Where My Pitches At?" The toe hits the rubber at 8pm. See you there, but until then, keep your browser right here for the best Red Rockets coverage on the net at www.bayshorekb.com aka 'Donkey Punch Toboggan' and rock out with your Red Rocket out!

13 comments:

YellowBird said...

Holy shit that was an awesome video, Chan!!!

Griff said...

LMAO wow great post guys...great video!

-i can only imagine what kinda production we will get after next week's Pro's/Ho's game....lol

SarahB said...

LEGEN...wait for it...i hope you're not lactose intolerant cuz here it comes...DARY

bull said...

WTF!!! Hows come the Ligers never got a video like that Chandler?!?! Oh wait, maybe its cause we never made plays like that!! Awesome video and great job Rockets!

Nate Dawg said...

Quite possibly the greatest recap vid of all time...

Chandler said...

haha. also... it's a little easier to get footage when you don't have to play in the game.

or every inning... like you make me do.

Brooke said...

OH MY GOD love it!!!! video was awesome!!!!!

Maria said...

Oh my that was funny... thanks for putting in the part about the Birthday cake... that makes me look totally weird!! Way to go MJ and Nate! It's all your fault!

Mike S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike S said...

Did Lil Romeo (aka Jeannetes son) actually say "hehe Chandler bit me" at the beginning of this video?

Great video Chandler and try to cut back on biting the kids.

Rollo said...

Great vid! Great post! nice work guys!

~Marla~ said...

I honestly don't know what to say about that recap. My boyfriend likes cock....? That's icky. ;)

That really was a great video. Nice job, Chan, and that looked like a fun game. Way to go Red Rockets!

YellowBird said...

Well, it's not that he likes cock. He really wanted to impress Ron Jeremy with his "skillz" and figured he had a better chance working on his knees than anything else. It's all about client relations. Ron had a great time in Tampa and can't wait to come back on next season.