Wednesday, June 30, 2010

New Management...

So I wanted to share the correspondence I had with our new rep Jaime yesterday. I didnt want to bombard her with questions (Im sure we will get our chance for that in the captains meeting) but I wanted to know about the whole 1 week deadline to get our teams together before randoms start signing up and why our cost is $72 when we are getting 2 less weeks of playing time. Here is her response...

Hello... The cost this season has everything to do with WAKA the corporate office, an nothing to do with individual divisions. MLoop actually did some amazing negotiating to get the price lowered to 72, due to exactly what you stated (field time etc...). As for registration.... right now it is still just for returning players... On the 7th it does open to all, however, I do not assign free agents until registration ends... So keep in touch with me and I will try my best to get your team together. I will send an email out before I do any assigning of free agents. Hope this helps!~Jaime

So after I laughed for a little while it took alot of strength to not email her back and ask if she would kiss me...why do you ask? Yes because I like to get kissed before I am being fucked...
Obviously she does not realize that we know "MLoop's" negotitating skills and we are not impressed. Really "amazing negotiating???" Thats a complete joke.
At least she did say she would work with me to keep my team together so I suggest you contact her if you think you might have trouble putting your team together before the 7th, otherwise you might have some randoms on your team.

Last night at the Dog Track Chandler brought up a good point, if we talked to PAL how much do you think it would take for them to tell WAKA that the fields are not available on Thursday nights? I bet we could work with Kickball Society and get a better/cheaper deal put in place...ready discuss!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Kickballer in training?

I heard about this today on the radio and thought it was pretty ridiculous.

Apparently, at a game this weekend there was a 10 year old boy drinking a beer, which was bought by his father! The kid allegedly finished within 10 minutes. Maybe he's a kickballer in training!?

You Better Move Your Ass!

Does anybody else think this 1 week time limit to register returning players is a little ridiculous? The season is two months away, but WAKA is only allowing returning customers a week to sign up before spots are open to the public and they can place random players on your team. Not everyone is able to sign up the exact moment registration opens and with no previous warning about this 1 week limit, it forces people to scramble.
I understand WAKA is a business, but this doesn't show much concern for customer loyalty. Our division is always full, and a huge reason for that is the number of players who return for multiple seasons. Now, it seems, WAKA has little concern about the people who made this a successful division. Would an email during the off season warning returning players about the 1 week window have been that difficult to pull off?

Friday, June 25, 2010

DPT Summer Cleaning

I've decided the contributor pics have gotten out of control. Not the pictures themselves, but the sheer volume of them. There's nothing wrong with lurking, enjoying and/or commenting. But newspapers (remember those?) don't print bios of their readers. Instead, they give information about their active columnists.

So DPT has enlisted the help of Doc and Marty McFly, who will travel back in time to kill your parents before they have drunk unprotected sex (which was clearly a mistake).  There might still be time to build your own flux capacitor to stop them.  But you've seen the movies... it's a huge ordeal.  And you probably won't make it before you fade away...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The World's Reaction to Landon Donovan's Game Winning Goal

Thursday Morning Hate!!

Caught this on the news this morning, bitches.


Does Batman golf?


The most awesome golf cart ever!
See more here: http://dvice.com/archives/2010/06/awesome-mini-tu.php

Monday, June 21, 2010

DPT Recap

Here's a generalized list of shit that has been going on:

  • The Alcobowlics went the entire regular bowling season without scoring a single point.  The '76 Bucs and '08 Lions are very proud of them.  The Alley Gators aren't that good either.
  • Bayshore Blue-Ballers soccer team can't seem to finish their season due to rain.  They're in 7th place (out of 10) with a 2-2-2 record.  If the playoffs ever happen, you should go watch this debacle.
  • Knowlty Poo Pants posted a ton of information on the Savannah trip. If you're into road trips and getting bombed all weekend long, you should sign up for this.
  • A bunch of dudes let Florian win at poker. What were we thinking?
  • Teneille doesn't know anything about soccer and hates freedom.
  • Today is the longest day of the year. Literally.
Enjoy your week.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Don't Ice Me Bro!

Ernie taking 15 minutes to chug his Ice

Griff suffering the consequences of the dreaded "Ice Block"

Ok, first let's quickly explain the concept. "Icing" is when a friend/coworker/complete fucking douchebag sneaks a bottle of Smirnoff Ice up on their victim (or into the possession/vicinity of) and announces: "You totes got iced bitch/bro/brah!" The victim of the "icing" must then do one of two things:

  1. Deflect the "icing" with their "ice shield," which must be a bottle of Smirnoff Ice that they already had in their immediate possession, or...
  2. If the victim does not posses an "ice shield" they must drop to one knee and pound the entire 12oz bottle of date-rape/shame flavored juice.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Pretty Lame...

until 1:35 in...

goddddamnnnn

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Chandler, my have you changed since your sweet 16...

So I'm researching limos for a bachelor party I have coming up in a few weeks and this comes up during my search...




Needless to say, I'm not renting this one (it's booked, perhaps again by Chandler).

But if anyone knows of a party bus I can rent for 8-10 passengers let me know. And by party bus I'll even entertain school bus style. The more redneck the better.

Coolers Are Saved.... Allegedly



Here's the latest from our investigative reporting team:

We will be allowed to take "small" (maybe medium) coolers out to the fields next Bayshore season. We can't have Dead Hooker Coolers... but I've never seen a DHC out there anyway. Basically, all our drinking rules still apply: No glass. Drinks in SOLO Cups.

So why the change/scare/issue? Well apparently our regional rep is just stressing an existing WAKA rule, as he was instructed. This policy is (allegedly) in place to cover their ass if a league plays on a field that bans alcohol. PAL surprisingly isn't busting our balls about the booze. So we should be able to "skirt" around the cooler rule like we always have.

HOWEVER... there is a lot of time between today and our first week. So who knows how it'll play out.

Last night was the first week of the Big Guava league. Apparently everyone followed the "cooler rule," and one poor sap was spotted walking back and forth to his car for beer refills. But this is quite understandable considering the kickoff email stressed in big fucking bold letters that our tight fields will be loose if you bring any coolers OMG WTF FTW!!!!1!!111!!11!oneoneone11!!11!!

So anyway. Put down the torches and pitchforks for now. But keep them close by. There are a few "rule changes" next season. I don't think they'll be a huge problem, but we'll hear more about that at the captains meeting. Get ready... RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!

Monday, June 14, 2010

New Drinking Policy for WAKA


 Alright kids... another WAKA-Bayshore season will be here sooner than you think, so lets go ahead and start the ranting.

With the addition of "Big Guava" (the Wednesday night league this summer), there have been a few changes.  First off, we have a new league rep who will oversee Guava and Bayshore.  I had the opportunity to meet her, and she seems nice... yet I'm confused as to why there hasn't been a big announcement to the league yet.

Anyway, what's concerning is the new alcohol policy on the PAL fields.  My Guava sources tell me no explanation was given for the change, but a half-assed attempt to blame PAL was muttered on the side.  However, if you recall, our current PAL contract (at least the one we were under last season) states: 

"Alcoholic beverages will be strictly governed by and the sole responsibility of the World Adult Kickball Association. PAL does not provide, support or condones alcohol consumption during athletic events."

This is important because unless our contract has changed, PAL is saying that we enforce our own policies.  So... what's the "change" I speak of?

----------------------------
*Taken Directly from Guava's kickoff email*

Beverage Rules:
No cans or bottles are allowed outside the parking lot; all drinks must be been pre poured into a thermos with a top or bubba keg type of container elsewhere. Opaque(not the clear see through type) of drinking cups are allowed. You can pour your drink from your thermos etc into your cup at the park. Simply hiding a can or bottle in a bag is also a violation of the  rules. Coolers are not allowed on the fields.
Summary of what is not allowed on the field:
 
Coolers
Glass Bottles
Beer Cans or Bottles
Funnels
Shopping bags, boxes, etc  with beverages in them.
Anyone caught violating this policy will be subject to suspension and having their team forfeit the game.  The last thing we want to do is loose our fields and not have a place to play the great game of kickball.
----------------------------

So we're a HALF step away from losing our drinking rights completely.  And yes, these rules will apply to the next Bayshore season.

Basically, this just encourages us to make Bubba Kegs filled with liquor drinks, which will get people even more fucked up and is twice as dangerous. Feel free to add your comments, but we all know where this is heading. Say goodbye to chug-offs, Beer Olympics and fun.

Its funny to make fun of BP... for now

Glad you agree BP...


BP spills coffee... lol the 2:06 mark is my favorite..

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Going to a concert? Don't Be Scared & Confused...

Ford Ampitheatre gets a new name: 1-800-ASK-GARY

By Sarah Hutchins and Kim Wilmath, Times Staff Writers
Posted: Jun 10, 2010 11:30 AM

TAMPA — Forget the Ford Ampitheatre.

The concert venue at the Florida State Fairgrounds will now be known as the 1-800-Ask-Gary Amphitheatre.

General manager David Harb said the venue wanted to partner with a local company that had a good standing in the community.

"We're doing a lot of things to support this community, and this is just another way that we can do that," Harb said.

1-800-Ask-Gary is a free lawyer referral service with offices in Tampa, Orlando, Jacksonville, Fort Myers and Gainesville.

Harb wouldn't say how much the company paid for the three-year deal. The venue has been under the Ford name since it was built in 2004.

"For the most we were referred to as the amphitheater, and now we're the 1-800-ASK-GARY Amphitheater," Harb said. "I don't see why something like that would affect someone saying, 'Gosh, I really like Brooks & Dunn but I just don't like the name. I'm not coming out,' Really?"

Said Marc Abend, a senior vice president at event ticket retailer Live Nation: "1-800-Ask-Gary helps eliminate the anxiety of car accidents. The amphitheater eliminates the stresses of everyday life."

The 1-800-Ask-Gary's spokeswoman who appears in nearly all the company's commercials, known as only Roz, posed for photos and answered questions after the announcement.

"It feels good to be a part of this," she said. "It really feels like a good fit."

What would she say to those who think the name is strange? Roz dropped a familiar line: "Don't be scared and confused!"

The Ask Gary folks didn't waste any time promoting the new name on Twitter, offering the chance for free concert tickets for those who re-tweeted the announcement.

Keith Ulrey, who works at the Vinyl Fever music store in Tampa and runs across plenty of concert fans during his shifts, thought the name change was a joke.

Ulrey said he doesn't like when any venue takes on the name of a corporate sponsor — the Staples Center, the St. Petersburg Times Forum, even — but this one is especially offensive to him.

"Ask Gary? Come on," Ulrey said. "That's just silly."

Hey Grifter...

You left a bit too early last night.  But don't worry... "Sewing With Grifter's Mom" managed to win $10 at trivia anyway.  Yes... a whole ten dollars.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

All guys should get to do this once..or twice


Guy Gets Revenge on Girlfriend for Headache - Watch more Funny Videos

World Cup Bracket

So Teneille finally got off her ass and created something.

ESPN World Cup Bracket - click here to join.  You'll need to create a free ESPN account if you don't already have one.

It's just like March Madness... just select the 2 teams from each group that will advance.  Then fill out the bracket.

I'll post standings once this thing gets under-way.  But you only have a day or so to sign up.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Is this what you Nerds do in your free time?

Tosh.0
Web Redemption - The LARPer's Extended Interview
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption2 Girls, 1 Cup ReactionDemi Moore Picture

OMFG I'm not sure if i'm supposed to laugh or puke in my mouth LOL

Tosh.0
Guess What Happens Next - Bad Mom Strips for Kids
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption2 Girls, 1 Cup ReactionDemi Moore Picture

Doppelganger Fun!

Memorial Day weekend, myself, Mike, Geoff, April, Ryan and Vermille ventured up to Chicago. Vermille had joined WAKA up there when she moved back and just happened to land on the "Alcoballic red" team. Since we all flew up on a Thursday, she told us to pack our 'ballic shirts and join them all at their after bar for some flip cup and $1 beers. Though their team is quite different than ours, there is one striking similarity...A Chicago version of the Borios. Yes, "Chicago Lauren" has lots of energy and gives the team motivational speeches and "Chicago Russ" is more laid back and one of their better players (though maybe I'm playing favorites but one difference is our Florida Borios are better looking...sorry, Chicago ;) ). I can't remember their real names because we kept calling them Russ and Lauren so we'll just call them "The Bizzarios."




Monday, June 7, 2010

Red Rockets Repeat!! Repeat

Despite their obvious name-jinx, the Red Rockets Repeat continued their winning ways this weekend in the Kickball Society Bush League Championship.  Having won the 2010 Grand Champions Tournament a few months before, the Rockets set their sights on their first ever league title.  Here's how it happened:


Game 1 (Elite Eight) - vs. The Children Left Behind
This game was a cluster-fuck.  The Rockets had already beaten this team of Tampa Police personnel two weeks before 7-3.  A first-round bye allowed RRR an extra hour of sleep, which was important due to the hungover state of a few players.  Only the bare minimum 11 Rockets showed up, so you could say it was ToeJammer Tournament Mode-esque.

Thanks to a bunch of base-running errors from 3rd to home, the game was locked in a 2-2 tie before clutch kicking blew open a 5-run inning.  Amidst all that excitement, were a bunch of controversial calls and rule-clarification delays.  Instead of arguing every call, TCLB should have just taken what was coming to them (an afternoon in the shade).  Final score: 7-2.


Game 2 (Final Four) - vs. Team Flugelhorns
A rematch of last season's semifinal in which The Bushwhackers (now Flugelhorns) knocked RRR out of the tournament.  There was major deja-vu in this game, with both teams struggling to get base runners.  After two unsuccessful trips through the line-up, Chandler kicked two perfect munts (two since the first was actually ruled a munt) and got on base to lead-off the 5th inning.  April (tall) advanced him to third and Griff's sacrifice fly scored Chan-Chan two batters later.  Unlike the last league tournament, the Rockets were not "Thunderstruck" with any fielding errors.

So basically, a Liger Munt won the game 1-0.


Game 3 (Finals) - vs. Huge in Japan
Huge in Japan is the new team from Tampa Bay Club Sport who went 7-0 in the regular season and handed the Rockets their only loss.  They were the heavy favorites in the 104 heat-index weather.  However the Rockets scored a run in each of the first three innings, while still playing 9:15pm (lights out!) defense.  Unfortunately in KBS, games are played to a specific time limit, not a set number of innings.  So while the game was moving fast, it was only a matter of time until the Rockets collapsed.

A deep solo home-run got HiJ on the board, and a string of bunts with throwing errors allowed HiJ to tie the game 3-3.  During that same inning, a collision at 2nd base sent April (tall) to the sideline with neck pain.  As the game continued into the final inning, both teams scored to force extra play.  Long story short, Rockets score 3 in the first extra inning and then shut down Huge in Japan to win 7-4.

Notes:
- April's injury sent her to the hospital (ambulance and all).  All tests were negative and she's doing well, despite soreness.
- Brooke pitched the entire tournament on a severely sprained ankle. She even had a few hits and RBI on the day.
- The Rockets will probably take a long break until the end of 2010 or beginning of 2011. So now you have one less thing to not care about.

 Svedka. Fuck it.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Bowling Recap: Not Good

Bowling is all about consistency.  If you can hit the head pin every roll, good things will happen.  Just not on Shabbat.

Of course, the angle at which you hit the pocket does greatly increase your chances of a strike (or at least the avoidance of the dreaded split). This is why "straight bowlers" don't consistently roll 200 games.  To score big, you must convert all your spare chances and hope to get a few "Brown Strikes" here and there.  A Brown Strike was coined by BEARDFACE years ago, and refers to a "lucky ass bullshit strike" (his words).  Apparently I get a lot of these.

Anyway, everyone has their own style. I refuse to become a "gay bowler" like E-Flo, Geoff and Rollo (who curve the ball).  Straight power!

-------------

So how did we roll?  Both the Beer Splits (Alley Gators) and Alcobowlics had the same goal: score at least one point.  The Gators put together a dominate effort in game one, and instantly achieved their goal with a 30-pin victory.  Too bad the other team turned it on when Maria threatened to quit for the 100th time.  Even though she participated in BYOV night (bring your own vodka), her gutter-balls were just too powerful and the Splits lost 3-1.  Chandler has still yet to have his score dropped... and Karen bowled 9:15pm (lights out!) with a 171 in game 2.  Jared, well, he's quite lovable.

What about the best dressed team in the league: Alcobowlics?!?  Obviously I couldn't watch their game, but they have yet to score a single point this season.  And they got CRUSHED last night.  But they continue to have a rather large cheering section each week.

So there you have it.  Bowling.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Guy builds unreasonable Kit Kat Bar

http://thechive.com/2010/05/28/kid-builds-gigantic-kit-kat-bar-7-photos/



Modern miracles...

http://i.imgur.com/Ikmik.png

My favorite line: “With today’s technology, anything’s possible.”

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

RRR Season finale...TONIGHT! 8PM!

Yea yea I know...Svedka...F*ck it...
Well tonight 2nd place (and possibly better tourney seeding to NOT face Huge in Japan until the finals) is on the line as RRR faces the team that features famed Bayshore Ballers midfielder Reid, and famed Waka Bayshore division-tourny streaker, Brian!




VS.

3rd Base With Your Mom