Wednesday, November 30, 2011

23 Adult Truths

1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important

DPT BQBL - Week 12 Recap

It's your lucky day.

Chandler vs. Souder
Needing to win 3 of the last 4 games to have a playoff chance, Chandler was looking good with Alex Smith's horrible Thanksgiving game. Sadly, Matt Stafford had an even worse game earlier in the day... throwing 3 interceptions which got Souder 12 bonus points. Chandler isn't officially out of the playoffs... but it's damn close. Final score: Souder wins 51 - 48.

Bito vs. Litman
The match-ups looked great on paper. Bito had Matt Lienart, who then got knocked out of the game and replaced by TJ Yates (who?). Litman's Bears started Caleb Hanie (who?) who had 3 turnovers. Both guys just needed their GOOD quarterbacks to have an average game. Both QB's played each other in Monday Night Football. Eli threw for 400+ yards, but Brees had 5 passing TDs (and -29 BQBL points). Ouch. Final score: Bito wins 19 - -2.

Smithkey vs. Gorecki
Tebow had another game winning drive which helped sink Gorecki (again). But it didn't matter. Blaine Gabbert got benched due to a plethora of shitty stats. Final score: Smithkey wins 65 - 4.

Nate vs. Kyle
Vince Young had 400+ yards passing, while Tyler Palko (who?) had 4 turnovers. All Nate can do now is pray an injured Vick returns to the line-up and starts throwing interceptions again. Final score: Kyle wins 58 - 25.

Get your picks in!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

GOKickball Registration - Week 2

Registration for returning GOKickball players is in its second and final week. Next Monday the league will be open to all outside parties, including three WAKA teams who have expressed interest in playing with us.

Send your team emails and get signed up, or you're probably going to get those "dreaded" free agents. Which might be a good thing. You all need to meet some new people.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Thursday, November 17, 2011

DPT BQBL - Week 10 Recap

Super quick update today...

Smithkey vs. Souder
Souder left the Lions on the bench while Stafford scored 70 bad points. Good thing the Colts are the saddest team since... well... the Lions a few years ago. Painter got benched on his way to an 80 point day. Final score: Souder wins 107 - 5.

Nate vs. Bito
Nate broke the DPT league record for scoring in one week, thanks to the Bills sucking ass and Freeman getting benched. Seriously guys... Freeman is garbage. Wake me up next season. Final score: Nate wins 151 - 32.

Kyle vs. Chandler
Kyle got a decent showing from the Redskins (30 points) but it was Tom Brady who powered his team to victory with 11 points of his own. While that's not a lot... it's a ton coming from the Patriots. Meanwhile... Alex Smith... you're dead to me. Final score: Kyle wins 41 - 27.

Gorecki vs. Litman
Gorecki said Tebow was going to kick some ass. And... he was somewhat correct. But this is Bad *traditional* Quarterback league. So OMG lost out on 50 points. It didn't matter, however. Drew Brees ruined Litman's week. Final score: Gorecki wins 37 - -8.

Get your selections ASAP.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Rollo Warp

Rollo just had a baby. He also just recently told me I could post this video. I've been sitting on it for awhile... but here is Rollo doing the Time Warp at a gay bar:




There are a few other good videos from this night, which I'll release slowly over time as the off-season contributions continue to disappoint.

How I got in the Cupboard

Figured this would happen to one of you someday.... Enjoy

video

2012 Spring GOKickball Season

Hello kickball people. The next GKB season has been set. You should have received at least one email from the league, but here is the information anyway:
  • Registration for returning players begins today (11/14/11) at noon. Captains will have two weeks to get their teams registered before it's open and marketed to the general public.
  • The season will be officially 10 weeks long, with one week set aside for a rain-out. If there are no rain-outs, then we'll play an 11th week... which means you'll be playing every team in the regular season!
  • "Meet and Greet" as well as Captain's Meeting is on January 26th, 2012.
  • The season begins February 2nd, 2012.

So head over to GOKickball later today and get signed up.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

DPT BQBL - Week 9 Recap

Only got time for a quickie today. Last two weeks have been brutal with actual work (for once).

Souder vs. Nate
Nate was giddy when John Skelton (who?) took TWO safeties for +40 BQBL points. But SoulGlo Josh Freeman failed to do much... good or bad. Souder started Green Bay (because he has to), and managed to survive with Curtis Painter's benching (+35) and overall suckage (+ many more). Final score: Souder wins 62 - 42.

Kyle vs. Smithkey
Both teams left some decent points on the bench, scored by their last round picks. The difference was Flacco's game winning drive (-12) and 300+ yard performance (-6). Sadly for Kyle... he started the Ravens. Final score: Smithkey wins 18 - 2.

Gorecki vs. Bito
TEEEEBOOOOWWW!! Gorecki knows his boy is gonna suck it up. So he started him with confidence! What's that you say? Tebow played well and won another game? That is NOT going to get him to the BQBL Pro Bowl. But Philip Rivers on the other hand... who played great and LOST the game thanks to two pick-sixes (+50)... that's what dreams are made of. Bito shits the bed again. Final score: Gorecki wins 59 - -7.

Litman vs. Chandler
Matt Moore of the God-awful Dolphins fucked up. He beat the Cheifs throwing 3 touchdowns, which hurts their chances of drafting Andrew Luck this year. It also killed my BQBL team this week. Side note: my team consists of Miami, San Francisco, New York and Pittsburgh. I might be first in the "Annoying Cities that Produce Annoying People Fantasy League." Final score: Litman wins 42 - -6.

Get your selections in.

Tomorrow I should have a GOKickball update regarding next season and registration.

I'm Famous Yo


I'm bored and sick... So decided to post this to make me feel better... lol

Sign up for the Gasparilla Distance Classic. It's gonna be Grrrrrreat!


Friday, November 4, 2011

Off Season Power Rankings

Here's something that is sure to rile up a few people. Off season power rankings! What teams have done their part to keep our group partying during the lulls without kickball?

If you think we're way off on some of this analysis, you're probably correct. Just let us know in the comments. There will hopefully be a few updated versions later on.



Next Friday we'll have additional details about the upcoming GOKickball season. Registration opens November 14th!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

DPT BQBL - Week 8 Recap

This recap is dedicated to Teneille and Frank... the BQBL's biggest fans! Woo wooo!!!!!

Souder vs. Kyle
Souder opted to pass on Cam Newton this week in favor of an allegedly injured Matt Stafford. That decision ultimately cost him the game as Stafford threw 3 touchdowns. But it was Tom Brady who stole the show for Kyle's team, with under 200 yards passing and no passes longer than 25 yards. Any time you can get a BQBL win while starting the Patriots is very impressive. Hype hype clickity click! Final score: Kyle wins 22 - 17.


Gorecki vs. Nate
Nate went with the epic match-up of Kevin Kolb and his replacement Mike Vick. Both quarterbacks sucked, but Kolb's interception and under 200 yards elevated him to "soft serve" status. Meanwhile, Gorecki reluctantly started his boy Tebow and Nate's BFF AJ Feely. Both shit the bed (as Litman would say), but my God was Tebow awful. I watched that game and immediately converted to Islam. Speaking of... everyone enjoys "Tebowing," with many people doing it out of mockery (including two Lion's players). While I personally don't care about you, nor your religious beliefs... it begs the question: "how quickly would America be attacked if we all started Muhammad'ing?" Final score: Gorecki wins 76 - 30.

Everyone is doing it.

Litman vs. Smithkey
Smithkey's team once again ended up playing the top scorer of the week. Blaine Gabbert did his best by throwing under 100 yards, two picks, under 40% completions, no passes over 25 yards and a fumble (kept). 62 shitty points for Blaine! And yet... it wasn't enough. My boy Charlie Whitehurst is becoming Litman's MVP, getting benched for T.Jack!! Not to be outdone, Tavaris came off said bench and threw a pick six. Combine that with Colt McCoy's four fumbles... well... you know. Final score: Litman wins 77 - 67.

Chandler vs. Bito
Bito was in a tough spot this week, starting quarterbacks who all had horrible opponents. His only hope this season is if Christian Ponder gets hurt and the Vikings have to put McNabb back in the lineup. Chandler didn't fare that well either... but Matt Moore was shitty enough to pull out the BQBL victory. Final score: Chandler wins 35 - 8.

Sigh...

This was sent in by Josh...

https://www.orderforeverlazy.com

It's like a Snuggie, but way worse. And it appears there's even an ass-zipper so you can still take a shit.

     
Hot face... fat suit... I'm so confused!     The highlight of his modeling career.

Remember, They're Everywhere

Junior League of Tampa Bay - Holiday Gift Market (Nov 5th thru Nov 6th)

The Junior League 8th Annual Holiday Gift Market

Times: Friday, November 4th, 9:00a.m. - 6:00p.m.

Saturday, November 5th, 9:00a.m. - 7:00p.m.

Sunday, November 6th, 10:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Kickoff Party: Thursday, November 3rd, 6:30p.m.-9:30p.m.

Location: Florida State Fairgrounds- Expo Hall

Admission: $8 at the door

Merchants: This shopping event features more than 140 specialty merchants from across the country offering unique gift items from clothing, jewelry, and handbags to food, art and children’s items.

Proceeds: 100% of net proceeds raised by The Junior League of Tampa through the Holiday Gift Market will support League programs and community projects in the areas of foster care, literacy and education, and children’s basic needs.


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Amusing tidbit of the day: Things longer than Kim K's marriage

According to Twitter, here are a few things:

  • From @Seth_Rogen: "Kim Kardashian's 'singing career.'"
  • From @lizzwinstead: "The flavor in a stick of Fruit Stripe Gum."  
  • From @PBSGwen: "Herman Cain at #1 in the polls." 
  • From @TobeyMonster: "[Lady] Gaga's real name."  
  • From @ChristyAnderson: "However long it took to find Nemo."  
  • From @AshJed: "Dora the Explorer's pause, when she is waiting for you to answer her question."  
  • From @A_MgDee: "The hashtag #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage."  
  • And of course, from @SoVeryAwkward: "That awkward moment when the list of#ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage is longer than Kim's marriage."


      Ahhh the gloriousness of a celebrity marriage...