Wait... What?!

E-Flo, stop blowing the chicken and come inside for dinner!

How is this product at all appealing?

Next Theme Game... Rolling Stones Vagina Slide?

This one Might Actually be Useful...

Heffay got arrested again...

All we do is win Championships...

...in the wake of RRR winning the KS Tournament of Champions, MJ and my school won the CIT college basketball Championship last night! Dont care that it is a second rate tournament, just feels good to be a winner...

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/stories.nsf/othersports/story/6338C8853FBEDE1A862576F700132721?OpenDocument

Hope TBN can keep it going tomorrow night!

Deal of the day - Fo shizzle!

I got this forwarded to me last night. Tomorrow is the last day to buy them so check it out...

They're $25 gift cards for only $2 – You can save/print them immediately and you have the next year to use them. *** When using program code ZOO, $25 certificates (usually $10 each) are only $2 nationwide ***

The only "catch" is that most of them can't be used to buy alcohol and some of them have to be used duringthe week. But this is PERFECT for people like me that take have client lunches all of the time.

http://entertainment.travelzoo.com/entertainment/777364?utm_source=top20_us&utm_medium=email_top20

Summer Race Series

Picnic Island Adventure Runs
May 7, June 11, & July 9, 2010 - (Fridays - 6:45 p.m.) This off-road course is roughly 3.3 miles and has added challenges that may include getting your feet wet, crawling under a cargo net and jumping or climbing over obstacles. We just about guarantee this to be the most fun you have had at any race!
http://www.tamparaces.com/PicnicIsland/

2010 Pier 60 ~ 5K Beach Series
Race Dates: June 4, June 18, July 9 & July 23 - Races start at 7pm. Races are out and back, finishing at Pier 60.

http://www.clearwaterbeachrun.com/

Power Rankings - Week 5b

Deal of the Week

Sweetbay - $2.99 Top Sirloin steak. Load up on 6-8 oz grilling steaks for $1.12-$1.50 a piece.

Bulls To Battle FC Tampa Bay Rowdies

TAMPA - The University of South Florida men's soccer team will host the FC Tampa Bay Rowdies at the USF Soccer Stadium on April 10 at 7:30 p.m. Ticket prices are $5 for both adult and children in advance or $7 at the gate on game day. Fans can purchase tickets in advance by calling 1-800-GoBulls.

In addition to the game, there will be a Youth Soccer Clinic conducted by the USF and Rowdies players and coaches at the USF Training Facility next to the soccer stadium. The clinic runs from 6-7 p.m. The cost of the clinic is $10 and that includes a game ticket. Participants in the soccer clinic must bring their own soccer ball.

There will be a festival-type atmosphere, during the clinic and prior to the game, with music, games, prizes, contests, face-painting, Easter Egg Hunt, B-B-Q, give-a-ways and much more.

This past season, USF advanced to the second round of the 2009 BIG EAST Championships before falling to Notre Dame in penalty kicks. The Bulls also advanced to the second round of the 2009 NCAA Tournament before falling to No. 1 ranked and top-seeded Akron. USF finished the season with a 14-4-3 overall record and a 6-3-2 record in the BIG EAST Conference.

UPDATE: 10:06 AM Start time - Hungry for some soccer??

Forcast shows rain all afternoon this Sunday, so moving soccer up to 10:06 am. See you guys out there.




When: This Sunday, March 28th.
Time: 10:06 AM
Location: Monroe Middle School (see map below)


Monroe Middle School
4716 West Montgomery Ave.
(School will be on the right. Fields are in the back.)


View Larger Map

KBS Spring season...help me play for free! :)

Recruit 5 new players and you can play for FREE OR Recruit 3 new players and play for $30
(Note: your new recruits do not have to play on your team)

To qualify, your recruits must:
1) have never played with Kickball Society
2) provide your name when registering (when asked “How did you hear about Kickball Society?”)
3) register and pay online by April 9 for the spring season
Once your new recruits are registered, send Kermit an email via our website. He will provide you with a code that allows you to register for spring for FREE/$30.

Play begins the final week of April for each of our three fun-packed leagues. Whether you're a Tuesday night Busch Leaguer (Temple Terrace), a Sunday night Northdale Kicker, or a Wednesday night Northdale Champ (both in Carrollwood), you can kick away the week's stress while meeting lots of like-minded, energetic people whose focus is on having fun in a social environment. Play will conclude (weather-permitting) by the second week of June with an end of season tournament to crown your league's champion. Special events add to the fun – teams can compete in our flip cup tourney, field goal kicking contests (Northdale only ), karaoke contests (Temple Terrace only) and our ever popular THEME NIGHT! New events may be added, as well.

Registration for the spring season is $55. Full details on our spring leagues can be found on our website www.kickballsociety.com. You can also register and pay on our website.
Registration closes on April 15th, so get your friends together now and sign up for your league of choice! Don't have enough for a full team? Don't worry - we'll find players for you!!!

Hope to see you again on the fields in April!

Picks Results - Week 7

Alright... been a busy morning.  But anyway...

Winners (-1):
YellaBird
Rollo
Smithkey
Griff

Losers (-4)
Maria
SarahB
Paige
Kristen

All losers buy each winner one drink!

Kickball Society Grand Championship Tournament tomorrow!

All are invited to come check out the best that Kickball Society has to offer!

- 3 leagues
- Top 8 teams
- 1 tourney
- 1 Grand Champion


Red Rockets Reloaded



VS.


THE WORLD



When: Saturday (tomorrow)
Time: Tailgating starts at 10:30am, 1st round starts at high-noon!
Where: 4719 Regnas Ave. (Temple Terrace)


View Larger Map

Party Venue Power Rankings

Since there are power rankings for everything else, I figured I'd make one for party venues we have had since I started in the league. Feel free to sound off if you don't agree with something or notice a pro/con that I missed.

Slip N Slide Game!

In honor of the Slip 'n Slide game tonight, I dug through the LaBelle city archives and found these pictures of Ruben as a child enjoying the slide! Good luck tonight, Rubs!

Ruben's family setting up the slide.

Little Ruben practices scoring runs in kickball!

Waka Gameday

Kermit on Chat Roulette

Picks - Week 7

Picks are closed!

What NOT to do When Drunken Golfing

Tampa's MacDinton's named county's most responsible alcohol vendor of 2009

TAMPA — The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office has named MacDinton's Irish Pub the county's most responsible alcohol vendor of 2009.

Sheriff David Gee will officially present the award to the pub, at 405 S Howard Ave., at 2 p.m. Tuesday to honor efforts to reduce drunken driving by patrons.

As part of a program called SAVE, or Sheriff's Alcohol Vendor Enforcement, deputies conduct training sessions at area bars, including MacDinton's, and stage undercover operations to catch underage drinkers and people with fake IDs.

And, in other news:
Instant Karma

The Cost of a Party

As promised, the complete breakdown of the past three WAKA parties is uploaded on the right-side of the blog (in the WAKA section).

These costs were taken directly from our contracts with the venues.  Hopefully our group will use this historical data as a gauge for future negotiations.

There are, however, a few open "issues" I'd like to document. I know Brie is already working on some of these, but so feel free to add additional questions you want brought to her attention:

1) Has our rain-out week been resolved yet? It's most likely PAL will have to refund us for the missed game, but how much is that refund and what are we doing with that cash?
2) What happens to all the non-kickballer fees at our mid-season parties? Where does the money collected at the door go?
3) How much have we donated to charity each season?

We'll have more updates as soon as we get additional information.

Mid-Season Party Success!

Thanks to everyone who came out on Saturday night! I hope everyone had a good time and I am very pleased to announce that we raised just over $3,000!! Hope those of you who won the "dates" have fun and congrats to those who won the raffle prizes. Wings Gone Wild had a great time hosting us and would love to work with us again in the future. If anyone has any feedback they'd like to give (things that you'd change, things you loved, etc) feel free to email me at bec1379@gmail.com. Otherwise, thanks again to everyone for making it a success!

I also want to thank Jenn, Angie, Alison and Ruben for their help and contributions toward the auction and raffle as well as Marla, Kyle, Bito, Mike G. and Sarah for helping out at the event. You guys ROCK!

We are also planning a charity kickball game that will more than likely happen sometime in May or June (so we can get our kickball fix during the off season too). More details on that to come later on...

Power Rankings Week 7

I thought for sure the ToeJammers would have a massive recap about their Flip-Cup Championship by now.  Guess everyone is still recovering.

Oh well.

Picks Results

A ton of upsets last night...

SarahB and Rollo (-1) each win a drink from the following people (-5):

Chandler
Buchanan
Rob
Griff
Gorecki
Dawson

Shocked? Mildly Amused? Ligers Win 2-1 Updated.

March Madness took over the PAL fields this week with upsets happening left and right, but sadly there were no scantily clad cheerleaders for these games. The Ligers came into the game against the Shockers as a decided underdog. They only showed up in the picks 5 times and didn't even get an upset pick from the Gameday crew. But, like a mid-major full of kids that even the most skilled of admissions coordinators couldn't get in to a power-house, the Ligers were determined to get their "One Shining Moment".

The Ligers started the game off right with a chug-off win from David G. that would make the Dyson vacuum guy proud. The Shockers scored a run in the top of the first when I decided that, rather than have a close play at third, I would instead throw the ball somewhere in the vicinity of Pasco county. The Ligers answered in the bottom of the second when Mike H. lined a shot to right, dodged a throw that rolled deep into center field, and made it around the bases for a two run home run. No runs were scored by either team after the second. The Ligers kept a lid on the Shockers with great defense, highlighted by a two strikeout performance from Bull on the mound. The Ligers will miss his pitching next season when Bull will try to make it to "The Show" in the very competitive Korean league.

• Rob popped out to first with runners on 1st and 2nd, this is not clutch.
• Nate was our home plate ref. He is, in fact, better at this than Flo.
• It doesn't make sense to have a bullet-point list with only two items, so here you go.

Hopefully the Ligers can carry the momentum from this upset victory into the flip-cup tourney on Saturday and pull off a repeat championship.

Auction Item - Please post your items

Game worn, 14-0 season autographed Rubs headband.

Cut-Throat Flip Cup?

So since Marla and Brie (the flip cup nazi's) refuse to let me play in the flip cup tourney as a one-man wrecking ball. I thought it would be a good idea to test the waters to see if anyone would be interested in a league wide Suvivor Flip Cup tourney?

We can have an entry fee or not... I would prefer not, but would place one requirement on the tourney in that all participants must be an active member of a kickball team this season. (on the actual roster) I do have a special prize for the grand champion of the league.(Its pretty sweet)

Not sure if anyone else wants to settle once and for all who the best cup flipper in the league is or not... but I bet it would be a good time.

Sound off in the Comments.

HORN

This just in....

Condom requirement for porn film actors to be voted on in California
March 18, 2010 6:49 am
State regulators are expected to vote Thursday on a petition asking them to require porn industry performers to use condoms and to take other safety measures. The six-member California Division of Occupational Safety and Health standards board appears likely to create an advisory committee to report back on whether the law should be changed and how it could be accomplished.
The board, appointed by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, has up to six months to act on a Dec. 17, 2009 petition filed by the AIDS Healthcare Foundation that seeks to change state law to require safe-sex protections for adult-film workers, including mandatory condom use and more stringent safety training and testing for sexually transmitted diseases.
Earlier this month, staff members recommended that the board create an advisory committee to consider amending the law “in order to give greater protection to employees in the adult film industry.”
“It’s to study the issue more. If it merits it, they would formulate the language and bring it before the board,” to amend the law, said CAL/OSHA spokeswoman Erika Monterroza.
Monterroza said it is “extremely common” for the board to create such advisory committees.

Officials from the Los Angeles-based AIDS Healthcare Foundation said they support the creation of such a committee, which they hope would ultimately back new regulations for the adult film industry. The advocacy group has been pushing regulators and porn industry leaders to better safeguard the health of adult-film performers since an HIV outbreak among porn performers in the San Fernando Valley in 2004.
“Allowing the porn industry to flout the law on technicalities undermines the whole concept of worker safety in California,” said AIDS Healthcare Foundation President Michael Weinstein, who is among those scheduled to address the board Thursday. “By making it more explicit it removes an excuse the industry has used that these regulations are not intended for their industry. At the end of the day, it’s about enforcement.”
Last summer, the foundation sued Los Angeles County after the disclosure that an adult-film performer had tested positive for HIV. In the suit, it alleged public health officials failed to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and to enforce laws requiring employers to protect workers against exposure to bodily fluids.
The suit was dismissed by a Los Angeles County Superior Court judge late last year, but Weinstein said the foundation appealed the decision last week.
Among those scheduled to speak Thursday is former porn actor Darren James, who tested HIV-positive during a 2004 outbreak.
“I know there’s a lot of actors that’s getting tired of STDs,” James said Wednesday in an interview with The Times. He said many actors feel they cannot speak out against the spread of STDs for fear of losing work. “They just need more options; if they can provide them with better care maybe we can slow it down.”
Also scheduled to speak at the meeting are half a dozen representatives of the adult film industry, including Diane Duke, executive director of the Free Speech Coalition, a Canoga Park-based trade association.
Duke said her group’s members have tried to comply with state health and safety regulations, but that they are overly vague and general. She supports forming an advisory committee as long as it includes adult-film workers, producers or other industry representatives.
“We have been trying to work within the regulations, but it’s almost impossible,” Duke said. “If we were going with the letter of the law, every film would have performers in latex gloves and goggles.”

Picks - Week 6

Picks are CLOSED!

Flip Cup Money Due Today!

Don't forget! Otherwise, you will not be able to play.

It's $5/person with 7 people on a team.

And you need assign a captain, if you haven't already done so.

Real email... I wish I new this guy... he's my hero

WAKA Gameday Courtesy of Rob

A limited time offer...

Have you always wanted to be a worse dancer? Have you always dreamed of having the dancing skills of a white boy from Lakeland? Well, wait no longer the brand new VHS tape "Welcome to HNib's Dance Groove's" is all the rage! Walmart can not keep it in stock, it is flying out of the bargain bin! If this amazing tape ends up in your collection you will learn such dances as "IN YO FACE!"

Testimonials:

"I may be goofy, but HNiB made me uncoordinated too!"

- Chandler

"My man bought this VHS and now I can't keep my hands on him!"

- Leone

"I used to have the sexiest legs of anyone I knew, but now I have kneeitis and have to wear knee braces thanks to HNiB!"

-Gorecki

Act now and you can learn the dance that is taking Pete's Place by storm, "WANDERING AROUND THE CLUB".

For the low, low price of three payments of $199.99 you can have the moves that will make the ladies recoil in horror! Call within the next 15 minutes and we will cut your payments to two payments of $299.99 and include the smash hits Angela Geiger's guide to becoming a Ding Dong, Sarah B's "Controversial Tape", and the Liger Captains' "How to get that guy". Call 1-800-Buchanan-is-an-asshole-for-embarassing-all-his-friends-on-DPT-and-fears-the-day-he-gets-his-come-up-ins!

David O'Keefe Caddyshack unveiling

hey guys, if you need something to do next friday come hang with me in St. Armands. Its about an hour away but its a great shopping area and we are having a small shindig. check out www.davidokeefe.com that's the artist gallery we are hosting this event for. as you see we are having drinks, if you guys are coming, let me know so we can plan accordingly.

Date: Friday, March 26, 2010
Time: 6:00pm - 10:00pm
Location: 12 North Boulevard of Presidents, St. Armands Circle, Sarasota, FL 34236

O’Keefe will host a special event March 26, 2010, from 6 to 10 p.m. at his St. Armand’s Circle gallery where the “Caddyshack’’ original will be presented to it’s new owner Steve Garske, president and owner of Par Aide, a golf accessories company.

Hors d’oeuvres and spirits will be served and there will be a putting contest and Caddyshack Trivia for golf and “Caddyshack’’ enthusiasts

Brackets?

**UPDATE**
Many people have already signed up.  Remember... tournament starts Thursday afternoon so sign up now. Everyone who doesn't win owes the winner one drink. If we coordinate this correctly, that person will die of alcohol poisoning.


DPT Group:

Click here to go to Yahoo!


Group #:  116133


Password:  donkeynoms



Enjoy and comment if you guys/girls want to put money on it.  You need a Yahoo! account but I'm assuming most of you have that through Fantasy Football and whatnot.  If not... create one.

Crystal Pitcher Power Ranking

At the request and with the help of Jack from Off Constantly... here are the mid-season Crystal Pitcher Power Rankings. Please remember that we just load the computer with each team's record and the list of assholes on each roster. The computer then spits out the rankings and comments. So if you disagree with any of this, please make it known in the comment section so we can include you on the asshole list next season. Thanks in advance.

Flip Cup Team Money Due Thursday!

Please pay for your flip cup teams this Thursday! We need to have all teams final before the party.
It’s $35/team. You can give your team money to Me or Angie.
Also, if you have not assigned a Captain, please do so as well.
There are still room for more teams too, but all needs to be final by Thursday.

So far we have 15 flip cup teams signed up.

The teams so far are:
Alcoballics 1 – Capt. Brie
Alcoballics 2 – Capt. ?
Camel Toes 2.0 – Capt. Diego
Dollar Wells – Capt. Chris
I'd Kick That – Capt. Jason - Paid a
Ligers 1 – Capt. ?
Ligers 2 – Capt. ?
Off Constantly – Capt. Grifter
Pick Me Up 1 – Capt. Marla
Pick Me Up 2 – Capt. ?
Playground Bullies – Capt. Ryan
Superbad – Capt. Frank
Thee Beer Nuts 1 – Capt. Crystal
Thee Beer Nuts 2 – Capt. Nate
Toejammers – Capt. Griff

* The captain is responsible for collecting the money and having their team where it needs to be for the tournament.

Thanks!

Red Rocket Tourney Report: Rockets Explode All Over Happy Endings Completely Draining Their Balls, Can't Get it Back Up & Get Bushwacked in Semis

Notice:

It's been my pleasure to bring you these game recaps and Red Rocket stories. I know how much some of you love the extensive story lines, tabloid-esque picture commentary and full bodied composition. It's my hope and desire to continue to have an opportunity to provide more of these in future.

Sincerely,
YellowBird

And just for all you haters out there, I'll keep this shorter than Griff's banana.





Game 1 vs Happy Endings

Well, the tourney got off to a good start for our Hornball Heroes in Red. Despite Andy still being wasted from her birthday partying the previous night, the Rockets were ready to make a long run at winning it all.




They showed up with two tents canopies, numerous coolers, multiple grills, stacks of drinks, food, Todd Couples Store brand anal lube and sunscreen. Maybe the only thing missing was Viagra. Too bad. Could have used it.








The Rockets took the field and spotted the Happy Endings one run. Then like you would expect, they applied some anal lube and proceeded to break the Happy Endings in half. A 10-run 3rd inning left their opponent in the fetal position bleeding from basically every hole imaginable.





"Yeah it got pretty nasty there in the 3rd inning," explained Chandler "Honeybuns" Brown. "I haven't seen bleeding like that since I banged that freshman in college. And he didn't even bleed that much."











The Final Tally:
Red Rockets 13
Happy Endings 1
Anal Lube (Anal Eaze substitute) 87










Semi Finals vs the Bushwackers

The Rockets fell behind early before retaking the lead, 2-1 in the 2nd. A long fly ball sailed over Rocket Rookie Chris "Thunder" Moreno's head and the end result was a three-run homer. The Rockets would never recover and numerous attempts to get them aroused failed miserably. I think their cocks were pretty chafed after a long season of butt boning and an apparent lack of protein in their diet.



We've discussed this before. If you're a long-time Red Rocket Report follower (and not an anonymous hater) then you're familiar with the topic. It's been preached before and the choir has always agreed with the message. 5 out of 5 female sex therapists agree. Coach Griff even told us his tactic of thinking about baseball. Ruben has interviewed porn stars and they always concurred. The message is clear...






Don't blow your entire load early. Especially, if it will inhibit you from performing a 2nd or 3rd time. And yet the Rockets continue to struggle with this same issue.

"It's getting frustrating," declared Rocket OF Mike SmithKey. "I don't know if we're ever going to get this shit nipped in the butt... er bud."

I like the way you think, Smitty.

It's only been two seasons, but the Rockets are now 0-3 in the 2nd games of doubleheaders and tourneys. Granted all 3 losses are by a combined 5 runs, but still this team has way too much testosterone and such a high sperm count for this to happen to them. Getting it up a 2nd time shouldn't be this much trouble.




"I've never had this happen to me until I joined this team," explained Rockets P/SS/Team Spokesmen/Porn Director Ruben "Rubs" Kajkowski. "Maybe we should drop the deal with Anal Eaze and sign with Viagra next season."





Not a bad idea Rubs.




The Final Tally:
Bushwackers 4
Red Rockets 2
Anal Lube 7



Other Tourney/Afternoon Notes:






Alicia brought her black pug to the tourney. It's a good thing Ruben did not bring his blag pug, Patch. If he had, Patch would have likely forcefully impregnated Alicia's dog. Which would have qualified as black on black crime.






The sex word for the week is "Dickazzling". Dickazzling, very similar to vajazzling, is the art of bedazzling your dick. Click here for the real reason Nate missed the tourney. Boom! You're famous!





A gust of wind blew Ruben's tent up in the air, breaking off one of the metal legs in the process, which then blew into the air and got stuck in the tree thanks to a garbage bag tied around the leg. SmithKey then proceeded to fire a soccer ball into the branches attempting to get the metal leg to fall to the ground.




During his numerous attempts, pieces of garbage would periodically rain down from above. Two different people attempted to climb the tree to get the debris to fall before Wayne stopped them. I'm not making this shit up, I swear. If you were there and you were buzzing, it was really funny. Trust me.









SmithKey also created a beautiful concoction of Monster, Hawaiian Punch and Vodka. The said mixture affectionately named "Rocket Fuel" was served in a Round Up pest spray jug. It was a huge hit with every team.













Numerous pics were taken by several teams drinking it and Yella seemed to really enjoy serving it from between his legs.









For getting hurt in their semi-finals loss and for really nobody stepping up playing that well, Andy & April split the Donkey Punch. Andy seems more excited than April about it being right by Yella's crotch. Guess she's getting used to it.









For admitting that she sucks assholes, Maria earned the Wendy.... which BTW, has been renamed the Gorecki.










The renaming bacame official during this re-enactment of a play at the plate in the first game. Gorecki was attempting to score when the entire Rockets team yelled for him to slide or dive. Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki decided to jump into the air arms stretched ballerina style as he was easily throw out.




There was whirlwind couple hours of activity on saturday surrounding Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki. After dropping a ball in the tourney, ticket sales exploded for his upcoming concert tour to promote his debut rap album "Ball Droppin' South Gandy Style". It was the first time in almost 6 weeks that he dropped a ball (or rhyme). Busta Rhymes reendorsed his concert tour to promote the album.










Until these pics of Yella on his lap emerged.



















The tour is now officially canceled.




















Then he lactated in a cup for Chandler. Word has it "Gorecki Juice" might be his future since his rap career seems to be over. Look for it at your local grocery stores this summer.





Ruben pantsed Cathy, who apparently plays sports in thongs. Then the two finally just decided to put all the sexual tension aside and got it on at the fields in front of numerous witnesses. Here's how it looked.






















Don't let the anger in her face fool you. Those were screams of joy. Look for a urbandictionary.com comment and DPT post about this in the future.

A little country, anyone?

Does anyone wanna go see Tim McGraw/Lady Antebellum at the Ford Amp on Friday, May 7th? A 4 pack of lawn seats works out to $28.70 per person (that includes fees). I know that Mike would rather stare at a wall than sit through a few hours of country, so let me know if anyone wants to go!

Redneck Ball

Hey kids. I'm posting this on behalf of Rob, who isn't able to access the blog from his phone.

----
Yee-Haw Ya'll. Pull out your Wranglers, dust off your boots, hop in your truck and head down to the D-10 Ranch for some down home fun at the Redneck Ball this Saturday Night (3/13). Party starts 10pm. The D-10 Ranch is located at 106 Westland ( in soho couple houses down from Bungalow)

Includes:
Open bar
live band and dj
bikini oil wrestling competition
hot dog eating contest
beer pong
flip cup competitiin
Mechanical Bull Riding

Tickets are $15 cowgirls and $20 cowboys in advance purchase via web at www.d-10tampabay.org   or at the door they are $20 cowgirls, $30 cowboys.

Come dressed in redneck / country attire

Red Rocket Report: Rockets Run Out of Lube, Hump Royal Pains Dry Bareback 10-1!

Most times when you run out of something you use frequently it's a bad thing. Running out of clean underwear or toilet paper is pretty annoying. Running out of gas sucks. Running out of money is even worse. Now some other things are totally different. Sometimes running out of something isn't necessarily bad for you, but really bad for someone else. Like breathe freshener, deodorant or even..... anal lube.

Well that's pretty much what happened to the Royal Pains on tuesday night. The Rockets went off on them in the 2nd inning, ran completely out of Anal Eaze and had to give them the business dry bareback for the rest of the game. Ouch!



"Well it was bound to happen eventually," explained Co-Captain Brooke Britton. "I'm mean look at how much Anal Eaze we've gone through in the last 3 weeks. Guess we were expecting better competition and didn't order enough to make it through the season."

And that's a fair assessment. In the past three weeks the Rockets have gone through 4+ bottles of Anal Eaze.




Here's how it happened:

15-4 ass raping of the Happy Endings... finished a whole bottle in 3 innings.

17-5 pirate plunging of the Kickin' Bulls.... finished an entire bottle in the 2nd inning alone and went into the next week's reserve after that.

And this week's 10-1 butt boning of the Royal Pains.... ran out in the middle of the 2nd inning.



That's a combined 42 runs in only 13 innings of work! 42 runs scored! That would be like Balls n Dolls playing Grifter's NKOTB team from last year every week for an entire season!



The question on everyone's mind is what will the Rockets do without Anal Eaze? Well, help is on the way.

Rocket P/C/SS/SLF/Sex Symbol, Yellabird, is the team's resident Anal Eaze product expert and purchaser. He believes he has found an alternative.



"Well I wasn't going to dig into my personal stash for obvious reasons," Yella said. "So I negotiated a deal with Todd Couples Superstore to supply us with their house brand. This may hurt our relationship with Anal Eaze, but with the tourney coming up this weekend I just can't take any chances. We might go through an entire bottle in the first round game alone!"

So with the anal lube crisis resolved, back to what happened in the game.






The Rockets spotted the Royal Pains their first run off a mental error by Rocket rookie Chris "Thunder" Moreno, but Thunder would make up for it later driving in a run. After that it was ALL Rockets, ALL night long. And it was a long night for the Royal Pains.

After the Rockets ran out of Anal Eaze, the very next batter was Yella. And without warning, he plowed a two run triple up their asses bareback. The Pains screamed in pain (ironically) and their cries for help went pretty much unwarranted by others. The rockets would continue to "pop dat ass" for 5 more innings before donkey punching them out of their misery. A long, nasty 10-1 final. Thus clinching the top seed in the tourney this saturday.

The Final Tally:
Red Rockets 10
Royal Pains 1
Anal Eaze 26 (Ran out in 2nd inning)
Boxes of Cookies 8
Top Seeded Teams 1



Other Game/Evening Notes:



About 4 teams are carrying the bar attendance this season. Not very good in my opinion. Wednesday nights in Carrollwood pull an ass-load more peeps and most of them have all of their teeth and none of them take puppets inside the bar.







The sex word for the week is "the Alabama Hot Pocket." The Alabama Hot Pocket is the art of separating the vagina lips and taking a shit inside....and possibly having sex with it afterward. Refer to Gomez for more details.










Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki got on base, made a putout at catcher and went another week without dropping a ball (or rhyme). Word on the street is that Busta Rhymes is thinking of canceling Gorecki's east coast concert tour to promote his new rap album, "Ball Droppin' South Gandy Style". Ticket sales have come to a complete halt after last week's Red Rocket Report released photos of him dressed as a redneck and in bed with Yellabird.








Andy delivered the cookie order she took in week 3.

















Chandler looks like he's trying to buy more than just cookies here.












Speaking of Chandler, he may look like a penis but he sure can flip cups.


And nobody walked any batters still making him the only Rocket ever to walk a batter, therefore he sucks.






For his defensive efforts throwing out a guy from SS and for getting the 5-run 2nd inning facial in motion with a 2 RBI triple, Yella won the Donkey Punch.
















The proudest moment in his life no doubt!















For only going 1-3, leaving runners on and generally being the shortest Rocket of all time, allegedly........... Nate won the Wendy.













It was his 2nd time winning the award this season. And he was promptly donkey punched by Yella after receiving the award. After he woke, he joined the team at the bar and celebrated at Gaspar's.

















This week's Brooke Loves Yella's Karaoke Lyrics is taken from Outkast's "Ms. Jackson."

Yeah this one right here goes out to all the bayshore kickballas...
Ball kickers, Drinkers, Flip cuppers, cup flippas
Yeah, go like this

I'm sorry Mr. Gordon (OOOH!)
I am for real
Should have gotten my game to start on time
I apologize a trillion times
I'm sorry Mr. Gordon (OOOH!)
I am for real
But now da lights are on till 9:30
Please don't be stopping no more games early