Wednesday, December 28, 2011

DPT BQBL - Playoffs Round 1

Souder vs. Gorecki
This game was all about the keeper teams. Souder's Colts are desperately trying to destroy their future, by winning two games in a row. While Gorecki's Rams continue to lose their dignity faster than the baseball-Cardinals lost Pujols. Souder left a staggering 57 points on the bench with Mark Sanchez... but as these recaps have said all season... you just can't count on the Jets quarterback to put up good or bad numbers. Bottom line... Indy fucked Souder over just as much as they're currently fucking over their fan base. Gorecki shuffles into the finals... but if he fails to pick his teams before kickoff on Sunday... he forfeits. Final score: Gorecki wins 63 - 3.


Nate vs. Litman
A very close game. Litman scored his most possible points, despite not-so-shitty play from BQBL Allstar Tavaris Jackson. Blaine Gabbert did his best for Nate's squad... but it was Josh Freeman who spoiled the party. The Bucs median score in the regular season was 18.5, so the 10 points Freeman put up was well below what we're used to. To make matters worse, the Cards (on Nate's bench) had a three turnover game. Final score: Litman wins 38 - 35.

Litman and Gorecki... get your picks in.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Basketball

We're playing at the Sweetbay courts around 5:30/6:00 tonight if anyone would like to join.

DPT BQBL Playoffs

All stats have been updated through week 15.  Souder, Nate, Litman and Gorecki made the playoffs (in that order).

Grantland did establish head-to-head as the first tie breaker, but Nate and Litman split their regular season match-ups.

There will be an email re-draft this afternoon starting at 1pm. Each of those teams can keep ONE team on their roster, then they will select 3 new teams in order of their seeding (non snake draft).

Stay tuned. I know you all are excited.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Golf Cart Bowling

Perhaps the Buccaneers should sign this tackling machine!


Fucking Soccer...

Sport of fags!

Two unrelated stories combine to form an awesome headline combo!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

DPT BQBL - Week 14 Update

One week to go. Three teams are already out of the playoffs. Only Souder has clinched a spot... but if you read up on how Grantland set up the playoffs... seeding is very important.

Remember, the winner gets $70 (from me) plus a $10 IOU from Smithkey. Good luck!

Gorecki vs. Souder
Gorecki was well on his way to not sending in his picks, again. Somebody buy his ass some ginkgo biloba for Christmas. I'm afraid Brie is in for a long life of forgotten anniversaries. Anyway... Mike had no chance of winning. All of his QBs (including Tebow H. Christ) played well. As long as Souder has the Colts, he's going to put up some decent numbers. Final score: Souder wins 53 - 24.

Litman vs. Kyle
Litman sent me a video text on Sunday morning of Lovie Smith giving Caleb Hanie a vote of confidence last week. As expected, Grantland didn't acknowledge it. So he's getting the points anyway, and I sent off a humorous (but dick-ish) email to GL. It turns out Brian didn't need the bonus points, since Hanie sucking fat dick is why he got the VoC in the first place. But it might come into play for a tie-breaker. I fully expect Litman to sneak into the Saints hotel room this week and snap a photo of Drew Brees' penis. Once it's uploaded to DPT, the +150 bonus points will secure the playoffs. Real winners do whatever it takes to get that victory. Final score: Litman wins 64 - 38.

Chandler vs. Nate
I was pretty much out of the playoffs already. So I didn't really need Fitzpatrick rubbing 103 BQBL points in my face. Nate's team is on fire... and he didn't even start Josh Freeman who shit out 84 points of his own. Final score: Nate wins 127 - 39.

Bito vs. Smithkey
Smithkey has been unlucky all season, narrowly losing despite putting up huge numbers. This weeks sob story: Christian Ponder and his 99 points (all of his other teams went negative). Typical Florida State excellence. Based on the other results this week, Bito was knocked out of the playoffs anyway. And he successfully dragged Smith-Key down with him. Final score: Bito wins 93 - 50.

Get your picks in. And don't worry Bito... I already selected your teams.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

WAKA Pricing

There's some weird shit going on with WAKA's pricing this season. As many of you know, we diligently track the cost of all "social style" kickball leagues in Tampa (which means we exclude TBCS). Let's revisit a bullet point in a previous blog post, and expand on it:

WAKA's Bayshore (Thursday) registration has been open since October 25th, one day earlier than posted on their website. In seven weeks they've managed to sign up six groups, which by their definition have less than 14 people and/or less than 4 females. Some of you might have received a mass email from WAKA the other day stating that leagues are filling up fast. At least here in Tampa, such a claim is complete bullshit.

Our attempt at an "unbiased" analysis says their painfully slow registration is due to two things: 1) charging $74 for an eight game season and 2) opening registration 3 days after the previous season ended! The "thanks for playing, now immediately send us more money" mentality doesn't really light a fire in the pants of players who typically cherish their off-season. It also caused GKB to open registration earlier than planned in order to lure teams away if needed.

But what is really strange is the pricing difference between Bayshore and Breaker (Tuesday). Breaker opened registration on December 1st for $72 (one group has signed up after a week and a half). Two whole dollars cheaper! In the previous season, Bayshore and Breaker had 14 and 10 teams respectively. So the price difference isn't demand oriented since both divisions can handle 16 teams. Is Thursday considered 2.78% more premium than Tuesday? Who's even going to notice the discount (besides an anally retentive internet donkey blog)?

Would anyone ever say to themselves: "Hmmm... I really want to play Thursday nights... but Tuesday is $2 cheaper!"?

Both WAKA divisions are run by the same rep, and presumably he manually sets the price for each. Perhaps he has a rational explanation for the differences. But there can't possibly be an explanation for this:

Sometime over the past few days... well after teams had begun registering to play in the Bayshore division... the price was lowered from $74 to $73.

1.37% discount?!? Getthefuckout!

What the Hell is going on over there? If you told us GKB's website was possessed and had a mind of its own, we'd totally believe you. But WAKA's is a well-oiled money grabbing machine. Someone had to manually drop that price one dollar, after teams had already signed up! Are the 50 or so people previously registered going to get a $1 refund? Does Ticketmaster run the Bayshore division now? Or perhaps Kohn Sports Paintball Park is to blame?

To be fair, the cost to play in Bayshore last season was $73 so maybe they decided not to have their typical rate increase. But to make that decision after teams had already signed up seems... Keystone Kop-ish.

And to make such a determination AFTER we blogged about it (on December 5th) just seems... sad. If you want DPT to do your job for you, please send us some of that $2,000+ you make per season, per division. We'll gladly use it to purchase beer, which we won't share with MLoop or Keggers.

If and when the price changes again, we'll be sure to blow it out of proportion right here on this blog. Stay tuned.

DPT blowing shit out of proportion?!? Getthefuckout!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Poker and Bank-O

I sent out invites on Facebook to peeps for some drinking and gambling at my place.

Next Saturday, Dec 17th

If you didn't get it, its probably because your name starts with "T" and ends with "E" or I forgot to put you on the invite.

This is a pic of the last time we were playing Bank-O




Allegedly.

Fat Arm

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Basketball anyone??


It's been rumored and now it's REAL!



This Sunday at 10:00 AM at Riverside Park (1300 Braddock St. 33603) - Corner of Decatur & Coral St.

So all of you shit talkers bring your A game... and your friends!

Who's in?????

DPT BQBL - Week 13 Recap

Three dudes this week failed to set their teams. I didn't realize it until around 1:45pm. The following message was posted on the league board at that time:

"Souder, Kyle and Gorecki did not submit picks for week 13. The league realized this after 1pm games had begun. So all 1pm games are void. Kyle is starting the Cheifs, however, since 3 of his teams had 1pm games and at the time of this writing there has been no scoring by Kansas City (good or bad)."

More on this in the recap:

Souder vs Litman
Every one of Souder's teams went negative this week. He had no chance, even with Litman missing out on 56 points while the Bears rode the pine. Final score: Litman wins 24 - -33.

Chandler vs. Gorecki
Gorecki sent me a text Sunday night saying he wasn't sure if he set his BQBL teams (imagine that). I directed him to the blog, which led him to say it was "convenient" that I didn't send him a "reminder text" the week that I was playing him. If it's required that I send reminder texts to people, then I demand a 50% increase in League Commissioner salary. I calculate: $0.00 * 1.5 = $0.00. God dammit! Quit being senile, OMG... and get your shit together. Technology is your friend. Set a reminder on your phone. The NFL survivor pool debacle was bad enough. Final score: Gorecki wins 21 - 12.

Bito vs. Kyle
Bito demanded that teams who hadn't set their rosters get 0 points. I didn't go that route because I thought it was a little harsh... especially since two of those idiots had enough late games to make fair starts. In any case... unless Kyle started the Pats this week (which he wouldn't since they were playing the win-less Colts), any other combination was enough to beat Bito. Final score: Kyle wins 67 - 48.

Smithkey vs. Nate
Finally! A game where two people actually looked at their schedule and set some motherfuckin' teams. Smithkey has been hosed all season long, while Nate won a couple of early games with dick for points. Lately, however, Nate's teams have been garbage (which is a good thing). But Carson Palmer's pick-six and Matt Ryan's two INTs appeared to give Smithkey an easy victory. And Kevin Kolb's game winning drive put Nate in a bigger hole. There was NO WAY that Nate could pull a win out of his ass. Wait... did you just say he started Vince Young? The 4-INT, pick-six, should have been benched Vince Young? Final score: Nate wins 46 - 45.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

After Dark @ The Library: Tacky Holidaze

After Dark @ The Library: Tacky Holidaze
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
7:00pm until 9:00pm
900 N. Ashley Drive, Tampa, FL 33602

Eat, Drink, and Be Tacky...Not sure what to do with the ugly sweater Uncle Morton sent last year? Put it on and take part in a Tacky Sweater Party. Can't muster the courage? Wrap it up and re-gift it in the evening's White Elephant gift exchange!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Pick-Up Game and Ramblings

Hello. Declarations for today:
  • GKB is hosting a pick-up game this Saturday at noon, on Doc Nance field. If you want some practice, or just want to get out and enjoy the 80 degree Tampa winter... go check it out. There will be food and drinks (ice cold Rocky Mountain ones) provided for a $4 charge, which really only covers field rental.
  • A plague on everyone's house for not submitting any Rosey-Thumb pictures. Mike even offered free beer. Shame on you lurkers. Boooooo!!
  • GKB registration is nearing "full" status, but there are a few teams that are lacking in roster size. Personally, we're rooting for free agents to secure the final spots, so we can watch those veteran teams struggle with newbs. It's kinda like rooting for the LSU-'Bama rematch, and then rooting for 'Bama to win. We enjoy chaos. Break 'em up!
  • WAKA is now charging $74 to play in Bayshore (Thursday) and $72 to play in Breaker (Tuesday). What's the logic in that? Last season those divisions had 14 and 10 thinned teams respectively... a far cry from the 416 members (16 teams) Bayshore had before we left. So why the discrepancy of $2? Is Thursday considered a "premium" night? And if so... is it only 2.7% more premium than Tuesday? The cost per season is ridiculous enough as it is. But if you're going to sodomize your customers, the idea that one league is only $2 less rapey is mind-boggling.
  • DPT Insiders can read a half-written tirade about the compensation for WAKA league reps. That is, if you're truly an insider.

Enjoy your Monday.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Rosey Thumb Contest

So I was bored at work and Chandlers mentioning of Rosey looking like a thumb in the shout box inspired me to connect with the artist within. After I completed my masterpiece I thought I would reward anyone else who submits their own Rosey Thumb pic with 1 free beer next time I see them. Yeah you read that right! 1 full beer of my choosing. So submit your Rosey Thumb Pic today.


*Original*

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

23 Adult Truths

1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important

DPT BQBL - Week 12 Recap

It's your lucky day.

Chandler vs. Souder
Needing to win 3 of the last 4 games to have a playoff chance, Chandler was looking good with Alex Smith's horrible Thanksgiving game. Sadly, Matt Stafford had an even worse game earlier in the day... throwing 3 interceptions which got Souder 12 bonus points. Chandler isn't officially out of the playoffs... but it's damn close. Final score: Souder wins 51 - 48.

Bito vs. Litman
The match-ups looked great on paper. Bito had Matt Lienart, who then got knocked out of the game and replaced by TJ Yates (who?). Litman's Bears started Caleb Hanie (who?) who had 3 turnovers. Both guys just needed their GOOD quarterbacks to have an average game. Both QB's played each other in Monday Night Football. Eli threw for 400+ yards, but Brees had 5 passing TDs (and -29 BQBL points). Ouch. Final score: Bito wins 19 - -2.

Smithkey vs. Gorecki
Tebow had another game winning drive which helped sink Gorecki (again). But it didn't matter. Blaine Gabbert got benched due to a plethora of shitty stats. Final score: Smithkey wins 65 - 4.

Nate vs. Kyle
Vince Young had 400+ yards passing, while Tyler Palko (who?) had 4 turnovers. All Nate can do now is pray an injured Vick returns to the line-up and starts throwing interceptions again. Final score: Kyle wins 58 - 25.

Get your picks in!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

GOKickball Registration - Week 2

Registration for returning GOKickball players is in its second and final week. Next Monday the league will be open to all outside parties, including three WAKA teams who have expressed interest in playing with us.

Send your team emails and get signed up, or you're probably going to get those "dreaded" free agents. Which might be a good thing. You all need to meet some new people.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Thursday, November 17, 2011

DPT BQBL - Week 10 Recap

Super quick update today...

Smithkey vs. Souder
Souder left the Lions on the bench while Stafford scored 70 bad points. Good thing the Colts are the saddest team since... well... the Lions a few years ago. Painter got benched on his way to an 80 point day. Final score: Souder wins 107 - 5.

Nate vs. Bito
Nate broke the DPT league record for scoring in one week, thanks to the Bills sucking ass and Freeman getting benched. Seriously guys... Freeman is garbage. Wake me up next season. Final score: Nate wins 151 - 32.

Kyle vs. Chandler
Kyle got a decent showing from the Redskins (30 points) but it was Tom Brady who powered his team to victory with 11 points of his own. While that's not a lot... it's a ton coming from the Patriots. Meanwhile... Alex Smith... you're dead to me. Final score: Kyle wins 41 - 27.

Gorecki vs. Litman
Gorecki said Tebow was going to kick some ass. And... he was somewhat correct. But this is Bad *traditional* Quarterback league. So OMG lost out on 50 points. It didn't matter, however. Drew Brees ruined Litman's week. Final score: Gorecki wins 37 - -8.

Get your selections ASAP.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Rollo Warp

Rollo just had a baby. He also just recently told me I could post this video. I've been sitting on it for awhile... but here is Rollo doing the Time Warp at a gay bar:




There are a few other good videos from this night, which I'll release slowly over time as the off-season contributions continue to disappoint.

How I got in the Cupboard

Figured this would happen to one of you someday.... Enjoy

video

2012 Spring GOKickball Season

Hello kickball people. The next GKB season has been set. You should have received at least one email from the league, but here is the information anyway:
  • Registration for returning players begins today (11/14/11) at noon. Captains will have two weeks to get their teams registered before it's open and marketed to the general public.
  • The season will be officially 10 weeks long, with one week set aside for a rain-out. If there are no rain-outs, then we'll play an 11th week... which means you'll be playing every team in the regular season!
  • "Meet and Greet" as well as Captain's Meeting is on January 26th, 2012.
  • The season begins February 2nd, 2012.

So head over to GOKickball later today and get signed up.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

DPT BQBL - Week 9 Recap

Only got time for a quickie today. Last two weeks have been brutal with actual work (for once).

Souder vs. Nate
Nate was giddy when John Skelton (who?) took TWO safeties for +40 BQBL points. But SoulGlo Josh Freeman failed to do much... good or bad. Souder started Green Bay (because he has to), and managed to survive with Curtis Painter's benching (+35) and overall suckage (+ many more). Final score: Souder wins 62 - 42.

Kyle vs. Smithkey
Both teams left some decent points on the bench, scored by their last round picks. The difference was Flacco's game winning drive (-12) and 300+ yard performance (-6). Sadly for Kyle... he started the Ravens. Final score: Smithkey wins 18 - 2.

Gorecki vs. Bito
TEEEEBOOOOWWW!! Gorecki knows his boy is gonna suck it up. So he started him with confidence! What's that you say? Tebow played well and won another game? That is NOT going to get him to the BQBL Pro Bowl. But Philip Rivers on the other hand... who played great and LOST the game thanks to two pick-sixes (+50)... that's what dreams are made of. Bito shits the bed again. Final score: Gorecki wins 59 - -7.

Litman vs. Chandler
Matt Moore of the God-awful Dolphins fucked up. He beat the Cheifs throwing 3 touchdowns, which hurts their chances of drafting Andrew Luck this year. It also killed my BQBL team this week. Side note: my team consists of Miami, San Francisco, New York and Pittsburgh. I might be first in the "Annoying Cities that Produce Annoying People Fantasy League." Final score: Litman wins 42 - -6.

Get your selections in.

Tomorrow I should have a GOKickball update regarding next season and registration.

I'm Famous Yo


I'm bored and sick... So decided to post this to make me feel better... lol

Sign up for the Gasparilla Distance Classic. It's gonna be Grrrrrreat!


Friday, November 4, 2011

Off Season Power Rankings

Here's something that is sure to rile up a few people. Off season power rankings! What teams have done their part to keep our group partying during the lulls without kickball?

If you think we're way off on some of this analysis, you're probably correct. Just let us know in the comments. There will hopefully be a few updated versions later on.



Next Friday we'll have additional details about the upcoming GOKickball season. Registration opens November 14th!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

DPT BQBL - Week 8 Recap

This recap is dedicated to Teneille and Frank... the BQBL's biggest fans! Woo wooo!!!!!

Souder vs. Kyle
Souder opted to pass on Cam Newton this week in favor of an allegedly injured Matt Stafford. That decision ultimately cost him the game as Stafford threw 3 touchdowns. But it was Tom Brady who stole the show for Kyle's team, with under 200 yards passing and no passes longer than 25 yards. Any time you can get a BQBL win while starting the Patriots is very impressive. Hype hype clickity click! Final score: Kyle wins 22 - 17.


Gorecki vs. Nate
Nate went with the epic match-up of Kevin Kolb and his replacement Mike Vick. Both quarterbacks sucked, but Kolb's interception and under 200 yards elevated him to "soft serve" status. Meanwhile, Gorecki reluctantly started his boy Tebow and Nate's BFF AJ Feely. Both shit the bed (as Litman would say), but my God was Tebow awful. I watched that game and immediately converted to Islam. Speaking of... everyone enjoys "Tebowing," with many people doing it out of mockery (including two Lion's players). While I personally don't care about you, nor your religious beliefs... it begs the question: "how quickly would America be attacked if we all started Muhammad'ing?" Final score: Gorecki wins 76 - 30.

Everyone is doing it.

Litman vs. Smithkey
Smithkey's team once again ended up playing the top scorer of the week. Blaine Gabbert did his best by throwing under 100 yards, two picks, under 40% completions, no passes over 25 yards and a fumble (kept). 62 shitty points for Blaine! And yet... it wasn't enough. My boy Charlie Whitehurst is becoming Litman's MVP, getting benched for T.Jack!! Not to be outdone, Tavaris came off said bench and threw a pick six. Combine that with Colt McCoy's four fumbles... well... you know. Final score: Litman wins 77 - 67.

Chandler vs. Bito
Bito was in a tough spot this week, starting quarterbacks who all had horrible opponents. His only hope this season is if Christian Ponder gets hurt and the Vikings have to put McNabb back in the lineup. Chandler didn't fare that well either... but Matt Moore was shitty enough to pull out the BQBL victory. Final score: Chandler wins 35 - 8.

Sigh...

This was sent in by Josh...

https://www.orderforeverlazy.com

It's like a Snuggie, but way worse. And it appears there's even an ass-zipper so you can still take a shit.

     
Hot face... fat suit... I'm so confused!     The highlight of his modeling career.

Remember, They're Everywhere

Junior League of Tampa Bay - Holiday Gift Market (Nov 5th thru Nov 6th)

The Junior League 8th Annual Holiday Gift Market

Times: Friday, November 4th, 9:00a.m. - 6:00p.m.

Saturday, November 5th, 9:00a.m. - 7:00p.m.

Sunday, November 6th, 10:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Kickoff Party: Thursday, November 3rd, 6:30p.m.-9:30p.m.

Location: Florida State Fairgrounds- Expo Hall

Admission: $8 at the door

Merchants: This shopping event features more than 140 specialty merchants from across the country offering unique gift items from clothing, jewelry, and handbags to food, art and children’s items.

Proceeds: 100% of net proceeds raised by The Junior League of Tampa through the Holiday Gift Market will support League programs and community projects in the areas of foster care, literacy and education, and children’s basic needs.


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Amusing tidbit of the day: Things longer than Kim K's marriage

According to Twitter, here are a few things:

  • From @Seth_Rogen: "Kim Kardashian's 'singing career.'"
  • From @lizzwinstead: "The flavor in a stick of Fruit Stripe Gum."  
  • From @PBSGwen: "Herman Cain at #1 in the polls." 
  • From @TobeyMonster: "[Lady] Gaga's real name."  
  • From @ChristyAnderson: "However long it took to find Nemo."  
  • From @AshJed: "Dora the Explorer's pause, when she is waiting for you to answer her question."  
  • From @A_MgDee: "The hashtag #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage."  
  • And of course, from @SoVeryAwkward: "That awkward moment when the list of#ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage is longer than Kim's marriage."


      Ahhh the gloriousness of a celebrity marriage...

      Friday, October 28, 2011

      Top 20 Tebowing Positions

      Okay.. So it's Friday and my friend and I were bored at work. Actually, this is all her doing - she's a Gator:

      I decided to make a list of ideas for Teneille’s Tebowing weekend:

      1. Tebowing while holding a boa constrictor: Te-boa-ing

      2. Tebowing on a toilet: Te-go-ing

      3. A hooker Tebowing: Te-hoe-ing

      4. Tebowing on a tow-truck: Re-po-ing or Te-tow-ing

      5. J. Lo Tebowing: T-Lo-ing

      6. Tebowing while mowing: Te-mow-ing

      7. Tebowing while reviewing the National Debt: Te-owe-ing

      8. Tebowing while reading The Raven: Te-Edgar-Allen-Poe-ing

      9. Tebowing in a row boat: Te-row-ing

      10. Tebowing while sewing: Te-sew-ing

      11. Joey Lawrence Tebowing: Te-WHOA-ing (Ben you may be to young for a Blossom reference)

      12. Billy Blanks Tebowing: Tae-bow-ing

      13. Tebowing while bowling: Te-bowl-ing

      14. Tebowing in New Orleans: Te-beaux-ing

      15. Tebowing while asking for a raise: Te-pay-me-more-dough-ing (ok, that’s a stretch)

      16. Tebowing by a FSU fan: Te-foe-ing

      17. Tebowing while at a swap market: Te-quid-pro-quo-ing

      18. Tebowing while painting: Te-Vincent-Van-Gogh-ing

      19. Tebowing while picking your hair: Te-fro-ing

      20. Tebowing in a Mary Jane lab: Te-grow-ing

      Thursday, October 27, 2011

      Dirty Tebowing.....


      Dirty Tebow

      The next time you contemplate giving somebody a 'Dirty Sanchez', smear the turd across the upper cheek instead.... and think of Tebow.

      Tebowing...

      Tebowing

      When you walk out of your next status meeting, drop to one knee, put your fist to your forehead and think of tebow.

      EOS party and TeamFox Contribution

      Kickballers!!!

      I wanted to update you on the shot total and contribution to the Fox Foundation. The shot total ended up being $556 with $139 of that going to TeamFox! Also a personal contribution from the Beer Nuts that night puts the overall total of the fundraiser over $1700!!!

      Thank you all who have donated thus far, those who bought shots and those who still plan to donate.

      Thanks again!!!

      -rK

      Wednesday, October 26, 2011

      DPT BQBL Week 7 Recap

      "You people" need to have some more interesting things to blog about.

      In the meantime... record setting weekend. More points were left on the bench (398) then were started (310)!

      Gorecki vs. Souder
      Gorecki couldn't bring himself to start his man-crush Brantly Tebow. And that looked like a huge mistake for most of the game. But then Jesus did Jesus things... like giving motivational speeches to prisoners, donating his time to the homeless, and circumcising impoverished kids. In fact, during the 4th quarter, Tebow H. Christ had just started to squeeze the foreskin scissors on his last patient: Litman. Unfortunately he realized there was only about 2 minutes left in the game, so he had to stop mid-cut to go embarrass the shit out of the Dolphins. Eighteen un-answered points later, Denver had a victory... Gorecki had an orgasm... and Litman had a hybrid. None of this has anything to do with the Gorecki/Souder match-up. All you need to know about that is "AJ Feeley," and his first start since 2007. Nate can fill you in on the rest. It also doesn't help that Souder left the Colts (with 97 points) on the bench. Final score: Gorecki wins 39 - 0.

      Litman vs. Kyle
      Matt Cassel played valiantly (shitty) for Kyle, doing his best to become a 2nd string QB. Meanwhile, my boy Charlie Whitehurst did his best to make me look like an idiot... by failing to reach 100 yards passing. With the Ravens unexpectedly stinking up Kyle's bench, the outcome was never in question. Final score: Litman wins 62 - 46.

      Chandler vs. DNN
      Mark Sanchez continues to be the bane of my existence, throwing 3 touchdowns and killing my team once again. Nate was forced to start the Bucs and Cards due to byes, and was quickly rewarded with Kolb taking a safety (like an idiot) and Freeman doing what Freeman-Lovers refuse to acknowledge that he does (suck ass). The Bucs have gone to England twice, and were beat down twice. Is the NFL trying to LOWER interest in the game across the pond? Please... just leave our Bucs alone and allow them to suck in peace. Final score: Nate wins 71 - 19.

      Bito vs. Smithkey
      This was a battle of two bench-riding titans (somewhat literally)! In fact, I'm not even going to talk about the starting teams. Bito told the actual Titans to sit the fuck down. The Titans told Bito that he doesn't know much about real football or pansy European football, and proceeded to do their best Man U vs. Man City impression. Hasselbeck eventually got benched in the 4th quarter following a pick six, and finished with 92 wasted points. It appeared Smithkey was going to be destroyed in the Bench Bowl. But for some unknown reason, he didn't feel like using the Raiders who had just signed an aging Carson Palmer... and were threatening to start him on 3 days practice. WTF? Oakland eventually went with Kyle Boller, but his 3 picks (one for six) led to a benching. Rusty-ass Palmer prances into the game and throws three more interceptions (one for six). Terrelle Pryor is on the sideline looking nervous. What a mess. 178 BQBL points wasted! Final actual score: Smithkey wins 58 - 15.

      Monday, October 24, 2011

      Next Season

      The Fall 2011 GOKickball season has officially come to an end with an awesome end-of-season party at Wings Gone Wild. Thanks to all those who attended, participated in flip-cup, sang countless hours of karaoke, bought charity shots and went to the Red Dog after party.

      Speaking of flip-cup... the Alcoballics won their 2nd championship (in as many years) by defeating a few really good teams in dramatic fashion. Not even Gorecki's 8-flips could deny this team their destiny. Considering the final was Alcoballics vs. Alcoballics, it's safe to say they're currently the team to beat.

      Alcoballics. Flip-Cup Champions.

      DPT isn't sure how much money was raised for Ruben's marathon, but hopefully he'll comment the final number so we'll all feel better about ourselves. We truly do have one of the most charitable groups in Tampa, so a big thanks to everyone who continues to donate hard-earned money to good causes.

      Good pic of the kickball champs: SuperBad.

      So let's talk about NEXT season.

      We will once again be working with GKB in the off-season to further improve their kickball product. This season was very smooth, which is mostly attributed to an oak tree not falling and destroying the field lights. The refs were vastly improved as well. There were a couple of new teams who survived, and we've heard talk of other new groups wanting to join the league.

      The next season will start in the beginning of February. Registration will open November 14th, and you will have two weeks to sign up before it's open to anyone else. That's a week longer than usual, due to the league being full last season.

      We're also working on getting a 10/11 flex game schedule for an additional $5. Under this plan, you'll have 10 scheduled games and a one week buffer for a rain-out. If there are no rain-outs (there usually aren't in the winter) you'll play the 11th game. For the liberal arts majors out there, this means you play every team in the league during the regular season... all while the cost per game decreases.

      If you have any reasonable suggestions for league improvements, let your voice be heard. GKB people read this blog so they'll see it.

      Keep an eye out for winter parties and other events during the off-season!

      -------------
      Bonus Stat
      Here's a fun exercise for your WAKA friends. Let's say you play on Off Constantly, and you sign up for all three of WAKA's seasons (Bayshore in winter and fall, Guava in summer). The winter and fall leagues are 8 games long, and summer has 7 for some reason. Both cost about $74. By the end of the year you'll have paid $222 for 23 regular season games, compared to the $110 for GKB's proposed 22-game schedule. Unbelievable. Next time we'll break down the horrible competition in that over-priced league, and why one veteran team is thinking about switching to GKB (even though we might not have room for them).
      -------------

      Thursday, October 20, 2011

      Happy Thursday.

      Wednesday, October 19, 2011

      DPT BQBL Week 6 Recap

      The leader board is getting tight!

      Souder vs. Litman
      Souder once again neglects his 3rd and 4th round picks, choosing to start the powerhouse tandem of Carolina and Indy. Litman avoided my boy Whitehurst killing his team this week, thanks to a Seattle bye. And with 3 interceptions by Drew Brees, I really thought Litman had this game won easily. But what's that sound I hear? Cam Newton still riding the interception train? CHOOO CHOOO!!! CHOO CHOOOOOO!! Three more shitty passes for the most overrated rookie of all time. Final score: Souder wins 48 - 38.

      Chandler vs. Gorecki
      Alex Smith led a game winning drive, stabbing Chandler in the back with his small hands (once again). But Ginger Dalton laid a goose egg, putting Young Grey behind Old Grey by one point. The match-up would be decided in prime time, as the Dolphins took to Monday Night Football. Matt Moore led the charge, and found the red zone with ease. What could go wrong?? Oh... a 100-yard pick six. That'll do it. Final score: Chandler wins 59 - 11.

      Bito vs. Kyle
      The Redskins and an all pro day, scoring 78 points thanks to Sexy Rexy's 4 interceptions and benching. Of course, Kyle left the Skins on the bench in favor of using one of his Patriot starts. So how did the Pats do? -2 points. Add to that another shitfest from McNobble (who finally got benched too) and Bito ran away with it. Final score: Bito wins 67 - 2.

      Smithkey vs. Nate
      The Jags continue to be the steal of the draft, scoring a solid 27 points thanks to an under 150 yard day. Meanwhile, Mike Vick continues to refuse to get fully injured. And Josh Freeman decided not to suck. Nate's team is horrible... and by horrible I mean good in real life. Final score: Smithkey wins 33 - 4.

      Comment your selections for next week.

      Tuesday, October 18, 2011

      GOKickball Season Party

      Don't forget the party this weekend. Be there, and sign up for flip cup (starts at 8pm).

      Saturday, October 22nd
      7pm - Midnight
      Wings Gone Wild
      Registered GKB Players - FREE 
      Guests - $10

      We're heading back to the bar that probably takes the best care of us... Wings Gone Wild.

      Beer will be provided until it runs out, but we didn't run out last season so I wouldn't worry about it. There will once again be a charity shot, with proceeds benefiting the Michael J. Fox Foundation. All food items will be discounted 20%. Drunken karaoke will obviously be set up for us, as well as the seasonal Flip-Cup Tournament!
      The Todd. Doing his thing.
      Flip-Cup Tournament Details:
      - Six (6) players per team. If you do not have a full squad, free-agents will be given to you.
      - $5 per player ($30 per team).
      - Every round will be a best-of-seven series.
      - Single elimination.
      Alcoballics - Last Season Flip-Cup Champs!
      Additional reminders and details will be sent out as the date get closer. If you're attending the USF homecoming game (with its awesome 12pm kickoff time), make sure you take a nap before attending the party.

      Monday, October 17, 2011

      SHOCKED



      I am entirely responsible for the fallout of PBC's denied crystal pitcher. Kissing the ass of D-10 (who are awesome) I got a shocker costume for Halloween and thought it'd get in a great work out at the tourney, completely oblivious to the implications it had in completely swaying the vote of the Shockers, the Shock value which ultimately brought ligers to crystal. Oops… but the pics are funny. My personnel opinion… screw it, anyone who cares about hanging onto this last remnant of WAKA deserves to be relegated back to WAKA. What the hell is it anyway. It’s undefined as something that goes to the most fun team that exhibits the true passion of the kickball camaraderie or some BS like that. Completely based on Qualitative measurements that only ensure drama in this bitch-ridden blog. How about a “beer pitcher” award that goes to the team that consumes the most alcohol in a season…. Now were talking. Completely quantitative measurements that will decide a clear victor. But then BCBT will win it and I hate those table-flipping shenanigan-doers. screw it… let’s burn the Shocker with the Waka shirts on National anti-Waka day. And the crystal pitcher too.

      Discrimination has no place in kickball!

      I think it is very clear what is going on here.







      I guess we weren't Wigger enough for you.








      What??????

      When we began our Crystal Pitcher journey we were told to NOT DREAM the impossible dream. We heard that only 3 or 4 teams were truly eligible and the elite would not accept us. We thought our strategy of hot women, buying affection with an aggressive bar tab and generally not being douchebags would work. Unfortunately our dream has been raped. We don't mind losing to the Ligers, because they were two of our best games. Instead of taking the high road, we'd like to take this opportunity to piss and moan.

      A few of our own fun facts/observations:

      Shockers are dicks......we rolled into our game with them in full Octoberfest/Gay Leprechaun attire and took shots with the only player on their team allowed to talk to outsiders. We didn't even lose it on a controversial play that cost us the game in the last inning. We still like Rob and have a crush on the hot catcher, but we didn't even warrant a single vote from your team????

      SuperBad is on probation.....Seiler and half our team was there cheering you on when you won. Sure it was because they were too drunk to leave, but they still showed support. We've had your back on the field and at the bar and quite frankly we are hurt, dicks.

      ALCOBALLICS.....1, 2, bite me.

      Katherine plays for PHDivas. Can anyone else name someone from that team? Exactly. We also got support from IHT, although they are a little clingy and drunk text us late at night. FYI...we know you would hit that, but we just want to be friends. While some teams are circle-jerking with each other, we're at least reaching out to the new teams. We're giving up on YOA and starting a new book club with the PHDivas.

      We should get more credit for our Community Outreach program. Even though it cost us games we were the only team that would allow JD, Jepsen and Caruso to play. You should see their happy, simple faces light up while they are dry-humping the damn ball around the field.

      On behalf of the Pitches, congratulations Ligers......the rest of the league can kiss our ass!

      Crystal Pitcher Results

      Just like the Chicago Tribune inaccurately announced the presidential election of 1948, DPT counted the chickens before they hatched in this seasons Crystal Pitcher.

      Way before your time.

      Despite an extensive, but subtle blog campaign... Pitches be Crazy still can't get any respect. Upon learning that half their team needed to leave before the day was over, PbC was asked to pose for a "Crystal Pitcher victory photo."

      Premature Ejac... oh never mind.

      In most of our minds, there was no way they could lose. They brought in hot girls, jolly fat men... and even took Caruso! Exit polls conducted during the last few weeks of the season also pointed to a landslide victory for the ex-Bumpit squad.

      But when we tallied the votes, it turns out that the league elected a bunch of Liggers.

      We stole that blender from Soul Glo.

      The Ligers edged PbC by 7 votes (5%), and DPT still isn't exactly sure why (Rollo thinks it was due to Maria's pudding shots and the addition of The Todd). The complete breakdown of votes, showing which teams voted for whom, can be seen below.



      Right off the bat you'll see that the Ligers got 100% of the Shocker vote, 63% of the Growler vote and 50% of TBN votes. Pitches be Crazy did well with the Ligers (100%) and I'd Hit That (88%). But they were spurned by SuperBad, Alcoballics and YLLINaD.


      Other fun facts include:
      • THEE Beer Nuts only attempted to vote for themselves once, but switched it to BC!BT!
      • The Growlers got zero votes. This is nowhere near a true representation of their "fun level." They dominated the bar and karaoke every week, which is more than most teams can say.
      • The Shockers received one vote. Rob's lack of Game Day reports is surely to blame.
      • Someone on SuperBad voted for the Ligers and wrote on the ballet: "Because I have a crush on Paige." Rob's lack of Game Day reports must make this unidentified suitor believe he has a chance!
      • A voter on SuperBad initially voted for PHDivas, but changed it to THEE Beer Nuts and wrote: "Because they [PHDivas] left early." This person is awesome and thankfully didn't waste their vote on an undeserving team.
      • Speaking of... the PHDivas cast zero votes, because they ALL left early after their 11am game.
      • BC!BT! only cast 4 votes because most of their team left immediately following their round one loss. I'm sure some people had a good reason... but most who leave after losing are kinda missing the point of kickball.
      • The ToeJammers cast 5 votes, presumably because they were too busy losing another tournament.
      Next season DPT is going to have to push a lot harder for the unappreciated Pitches be Crazy. But in general, we love the mix of people in the league. Tournament day was a lot of fun... Rajun Cajun afterward was out of control... and we're all happy to still be playing kickball.

      Sunday, October 16, 2011

      DPT Bracket Madness

      I guess it should come as no surprise that Frank won the brackets this season. He does, in fact, know more about kickball than anyone in the league. Only hours after I presented him Kerrygold aged cheddar cheese (for the season picks championship), I had to give him $90 for a perfect bracket. He immediately bought $90 worth of Mexican Red from one of the kids on the playground.

      Results:

      Frank - 26 (missed the total runs tie-breaker by one)
      Paige - 24 (got the total runs correct)
      Melissa M. - 24 (got the total runs correct)
      Souder - 24
      Emily P. - 20
      Matt R. - 20
      Bito - 18
      Dave (SuperBad) - 17
      Maria - 15
      Litman - 15
      Kyle - 14
      Alison 2 - 14
      Chandler - 14
      Robert P. - 14
      Alison - 11
      Paul - 12
      Kyle 2 - 7
      Litman 2 - 5

      T&A Green Corner Wins Big at Tourney


      Thanks GOKickballers. Without the homeless guy there collecting, we were able to save a lot of trash from winding up in landfills and offset the carbon emissions from burning WAKA shirts for the entire past year.
      I’m looking forward to rocking the T&A Green Corner recyclers in the coming 2012 season. Here’s a few tips to help in the recycling process:
      -If you’re going to recycle cans/bottles, drink it all. Don’t be a pussy.
      -If you’re going to recycle jello shot containers, take the whole shot. Don’t be a pussy. Actually probably just good to throw these away.
      -Crush the can.
      HYPE!

      Friday, October 14, 2011

      A Little Funny Friday

      So I guess this may be pretty old at this point, but I saw it for the first time today and couldn't stop laughing. Thought Id share with those who might be in the same boat as me.

      Tournament Brackets & Stuff

      Brackets are finalized, and you can print one here. Fill it out with your name and total runs in the final, and give to me with $5 if you want to participate in the pool.

      If you don't play until 12:15pm or 1:30pm... email me your selections. All brackets must be turned in before the start of the first games (11am). All money is due to me before 12:15pm. Any brackets with no money associated will be thrown out then.

      ------------------------

      Frank, Litman, Chandler, Todd and Alison won the picks last night with a -1 score. Smithkey and Teneille owe each of them a drink with a -4 score. Good luck getting Teneille to buy you a drink.

      This makes Frank the winner of the picks. The hypest of the hype. Good job! He'll win a gift card of some kind, once I find one. In the meantime, everyone else just has to live with the fact that he's more of a kickball expert than you.

      ------------------------

      Don't forget the unofficial after party at Rajun Cajun. Don't forget to bring cash to the fields for gambling. See you guys Saturday.

      Thursday, October 13, 2011

      Power Rankings & Picks - Week 8

      Final Power Rankings and picks for the season! We added a little hate... and a lot of ass kissing.

      Picks are closed!

      --------------------------------


      Update - Michael J Fox Foundation - TEAMFOX - New York City Marathon


      Kickballers!

      FIRST of all THANK YOU SO MUCH to those whom have donated thus far. In just over two weeks we have raised over $1200 for Parkinson's Research! That is AMAZING!!!

      A new development, as a first time fund raiser for the Fox Foundation, I will have every dollar I raise matched by a grant. So while I will only get credit for the $1200 thus far, we have indeed raised $2400!!!

      I would like to keep the ball rolling soooo I started talks with the Tampa Bay Lightning AND which ever team donates the most as a team will get a team outing to a game. Tickets are TBD solely on the fact of we do not know who the winner will be and securing 17-28 tickets and having not enough or too many was a big planning issue. The offer is for roster spots ONLY, NO plus ones. Since this is for charity and I will be opening up this offer to the other sport leagues I play in but based on your generosity thus far, I cannot imagine another league taking this.

      All donations by active players thus far will be eligible for this offer and so at THIS point the Ligers are in the lead with Pitches Be Crazy in second place.

      Our league ends next week and the other leagues just before Thanksgiving so I will update the winner around that time.

      I am also working a deal that even if your team does not win, the Lightning will be offering a special rate to the same game as the winning team to all my supporters so we can all go to the game together.

      Also I have a few more prizes since last post,

      2-Tickets to 97X's The Next Big Thing concert courtesy of Cox Radio
      1-$25 gift certificate to Shulas
      1-$25 gift certificate to Shulas
      1- Giordano's gift certificate ($25)

      So donate today!!!



      Golf
      1-Foursome at Innisbrook Golf Resort, redeemable in 2012
      1-Foursome at Hammock Beach Golf Resort, redeemable 10/11-10/12
      1-Twosome at TPC Tampa, cart fees not included($30), redeemable 10/11-10/12
      1-Twosome at TPC Tampa, cart fees not included($30), redeemable 10/11-10/12
      1-Twosome at Westchase Golf Club, restrictions apply
      1-Twosome at Westchase Golf Club, restrictions apply
      1-Twosome at Champions Gate Golf Club, all inclusive, redeemable 10/11-10/12
      -includes players golf package, a sleeve of course golf balls, etc.
      1-Twosome at Champions Gate Golf Club, all inclusive, redeemable 10/11-10/12
      -includes players golf package, a sleeve of course golf balls, etc.
      1-Twosome at Reunion Resort and Golf Club, redeemable 10/11-10/12
      1-Twosome at Reunion Resort and Golf Club, redeemable 10/11-10/12
      1 - 90 minute swing evaluation from GolfTec, expires 9.23.12

      Game Tickets and Sports Memorabilia
      1 - Brad Richards autographed Lightning Jersey from the Stanley Cup Championship season
      1 - Tampa Rowdies Prizes Pack, 4 VIP tickets and 4 pregame Field Passes, scarf, etc
      1 - 4 Suite Tickets to a 2012 season Lightning game courtesy of CBS Outdoor


      Restaurants
      - Lunch for two at Wright's Gourmet ($30)
      - Giordano's gift certificate ($25)
      - Brickhouse Tavern ($25)
      - Ruby Tuesdays ($25)
      - Lunch for one at Pei Wei ($10)

      Spa
      - Spa Pedicure from Heavenly Nails ($20)

      Misc.
      1 - 28x22 framed David O'Keefe Caddyshack personally signed by Bill Murray. Only 10 exist.



      Tournament Brackets

      New people! DPT Lurkers! YLLINaD boycott committee!

      Listen up.

      Every year we do tournament brackets, just like "March Madness." Entry is $5 per bracket, and you can enter as many as you'd like.

      You can find a printable bracket here... but it won't be filled in with seedings until Friday. The Liger tent will also have some blank ones for you. Turn your submissions in there.

      Points are awarded for correct picks in a 1-2-4-6 fashion, depending on what round it is.

      Each bracket turned in must have the following:
      1. $5. We'll have limited change... but we can not take credit or IOUs since we pay out at the end of the day.
      2. Your name on the top. It's amazing how many people forget to put their name on their bracket.
      3. A TOTAL number of points scored in the final game. This is the tie-breaker.
      Do not miss this opportunity to gamble on kickball. It's the American way!

      This has nothing to do with the above post.

      Wednesday, October 12, 2011

      swallow this.

      DPT BQBL - Week 5 Recap

      Let's get this over with.

      Chandler vs. Souder
      Why has Big Ben abandoned the things that made him a Super Bowl winning quarterback? Mainly, raping sorority girls in public bathrooms (allegedly)? It's probably a bit calloused of me to make jokes about someones drunken (and possibly drugged) plight. But Roethlisberger totally threw me into the stall at Golden Corral and profusely pounded my pooper this week (alliteration for the win!). Sure, maybe I was initially star-struck when I saw him. And maybe I was overly flirtatious and willingly followed him into that bathroom. But I was drunk on Salisbury steak! And halfway through his 5 touchdown performance, I begged him to stop! Alas, he didn't. Meanwhile, Cam Newtwon threw another pick for Souder. Final score: Souder wins 2 - -10.

      Bito vs. Litman
      Litman is in trouble. When T-Jack went down on Sunday, I told Daywalker: "Watch out. My fellow Clemson brother Charlie Whitehurst is a beast." Sure enough, he threw for one TD, zero picks and a 100 QB rating. He was also only 37 seconds away from a "game winning drive." I predict a massive Bad QB Controversy on Brian's hands. As for Bito... his boy McNabb got a THIRD vote of confidence in a row from his coach. If you feel the need to prop up your quarterback every week... maybe it's time to just put in Ponder. Or at least to ponder putting in Ponder. In any case, McNizzle won't be getting a 4th in a row, because they finally won a game. Final score: Bito wins 28 - -1.

      Smithkey vs. Gorecki
      It finally happened. After getting another vote of confidence from John Fox... Orton got benched for Tebow. Jesus promptly went three and out... twice. But even the Bible can't account for Jesus' life between ages 12-30. So maybe slow starts are just His thing. Anyway, Tebow rallied the team and almost won the game. Gorecki (who thankfully started the Broncos and got +35 for the benching) erupted in a mist of bodily fluids. And this couldn't have come at a better time for OMG. With John Brantley on crutches, there's a huge man-crush void to fill. But will Mike have the balls to start Tebow in the BQBL? He is, by definition, a bad quarterback (so far). Smithkey put up a good fight, but once again had to play one of the top scorers. Final score: Gorecki wins 66 - 26.

      Nate vs. Kyle
      Due to the bye week, Kyle had to start the Cheifs and Pats. It's no surprise Brady had a decent game. But 4 TDs for Matt Cassel? Ouch. He was averaging 37 per game before that. Lucky Leprechaun Nate pulled some gold out of his ass, with a 42 point effort from overrated Michael Vick. Nate's final score was impressive... but he left 142 points on the bench (Cards - 96, Bucs - 46)! This massacre should have been a lot worse. Final score: Nate wins 53 - -11.

      Comment your picks for next week.

      Tuesday, October 11, 2011

      Playoff Implications

      I've confirmed with GKB how to appropriately apply tie-breaker #1: divisional record.

      It is not used if the teams tied are in different divisions. As it stands now, this only affects the log-jam between ToeJammers, Ligers and Pitches be Crazy. Since they haven't all played each other, currently the seeds are determined by tie-breaker #3: GKB Power Ranking (you can find that on their website or facebook page, and is based on a formula I've never seen).

      But all of this is moot since half the teams have a double-header on Thursday. So what top seeds are at stake?
      • SuperBad can clinch the #1 seed with a win over the Shockers. If they tie, Supa will have to beat or tie Pitches be Crazy to secure the spot.
      • The Shockers must beat SuperBad to have a chance at the regular season title. Either way... someone from the Shenanigans division will claim that prize.
      • The #2 spot will go to the Tomfoolery winner... and it's a mess at the top. THEE Beer Nuts control their own destiny and can get it by beating the Ligers and Growlers. Or they can win one game and still sneak in with the help of some convoluted scenarios. The Alcoballics need to beat the Ligers and hope TBN doesn't get two victories. The Growlers need to defeat TBN and have the Ligers win both their games. Oh... and the Beer Olympics is going on at 6:30pm so we're in for a shit-show.
      • YLLINaD basically has no chance to win the division.
      • The Ligers can actually get the #2 seed if they win both games, and TBN ties the Growlers.
       As for the bottom seeds?
      • I'd Hit That has the #12 spot, unless they beat YLLINaD and BC!BT! loses to the ToeJammers. And even then, they'd have to win convincingly enough to move up in the GKB Power Ranking Formula. With a -55 run differential... we can assume that won't happen.
      • Therefore, Brown Chicken! Brown Teneille! has the #11 spot. Horrible showing this season by those guys.
      • PHDivas probably have the most to gain if they can beat Rob and his Shockers. But as with IHT, their stats might be too horrible to move up the rankings.
      We WILL be doing tournament brackets again, as always. I'll make a post about it tomorrow here on this blog. Cost is $5 per entry, so bring cash. Maria won $105 last time!

      Monday, October 10, 2011

      Thanks!

      6 years of football and I never missed a game due to injury, yet kickball put me on my ass! Turns out I had a little case of vertigo last week and after not eating and hitting the gym before our game, I was in rough shape afterwards. Wanted to thank the hot purple catcher (don't know her name) for sticking around to help me out as well as Paige, Robert and my Pitches. Unfortunately I'm out of town for work this week to thank you in person, but just wanted to say I appreciated it.

      -Deeks

      Ballics vs YLL(insert the rest here) Recap



      So I've been asked to recap the Alcoballics vs YLLINAD game played this past Thursday:


      The game started out fun, including the pre game activities. Ballics noticed the green team setting up a table so we suggested a flip cup challenge instead of the usual chug. Three girls from each team squared off and even with the wind swirling, the ballics somehow managed to flip their way to victory. The game commenced and the ballics looked to find their once missing stellar defense as we entered the 6th inning up 3-0. But then like herpes, a flareup ensued and due to some overthrows and bad defensive decisions, YLL quickly scored 2 runs. We added no runs in the 6th so top of the 7th we go and YLL is up to kick. Here's where it gets interesting:


      -YLL has 1 out with runners on First (female) and Third (male)

      -Male kicker is up and I head to the mound and instruct our pitcher (Alison) to intentionally walk the kicker. She begins to do so by purposely throwing the ball way to right of the plate (3rd base line)

      -Boo's & hisses commence from the YLL bench and after a 3-0 pitch count the kicker runs over the the 3rd base line and kicks the ball. I instruct the ref that the runer cant kick in front of the plate and that should be ruled a foul. The ref says no and an argument insues from both teams (sigh) in which Johnny has to come over and overule the ref saying it needs to be ruled as a foul.

      -Kicker comes back and since theres so much debate on if this is a d*ck move by intentionally walking, Alison decides to pitch to him. He kicks a sac fly and drives in the 3rd base runner. 1st base also tags up so now 2 outs with a runner at 2nd. Ballics luckily get the third out and we enter the bottom of the 7th tied 3-3.

      -Ballics gather their composure eflo gets on first, girl (dewberry?) bunts advancing eflo to third, buchman drives eflo home where eric does a matrix type slide to avoid the tag. (We later learned this slide was due to his knee giving out and he has been limping since. And I'm the one being called an Old Man?!)

      -Ballics win in walk off fashion 4-3.

      -2 team members from YLL pull a Lebron James and refuse to shake my hand after the game.

      -I go to YOA ask the bartender for a serving tray, and order 10+ beers to distribute to all those members wearing green shirts. Eflo comes with me, we ask for amends and saying lets leave it on the field. YLL members agree, we cheers and I consider the matter resolved.

      -I check the blog the next day and find the chat box called me a douchbag. Awesome.

      -SO now its time for your input. Given we play to win the game, defensive strategy calls for when you have a runner on first and third with one out is to load the bases therefore you have a forceout at every base (including home).

      Note: I decided to walk a guy kicker and even knew another guy kicker was next up so I assumed they'd tie it up but we'd still have a better chance with a forceout for the third out by intentionally walking the runner with one out.



      So lemme hear your opinions. Did I pull a "Shocker Rob" and expose a weakness to the GKB rules? Also I had several people from other teams saying for next time saying "to intentionally walk you should throw the ball waist high to the catcher making in unkickable" lol. I go one step further and suggest why not just drop the ball in front of the pitchers mound making it unkickable therefore an automatic ball. But feel free to suggest other ways to be creative.

      In conclusion, I hope the green team that came to the bar tell the rest of their teammates about our truce. The ballics have been involved in 2 controversal games this year (7 minute rule and now this) and this isn't what we like to be known for. We welcome all kballers to come join us at the fields or at the bar and help participate in the real reason we meet up on Thursdays.. sharing drinks, and laughs by mainly making fun of making fun of each other.