Sunday, May 31, 2009

Flo plays for the Magic?




















Realized this last night when I was watching the Magic vs. Cavs...

SOCCER today 11am - see you there

http://www.communitywalk.com/location/julian_b_lane_riverfront_park/tampa/fl/parks/1798609
Don't get lost queers.
Postgame blog here...

Friday, May 29, 2009

Last time Beer Nuts were good...and SoulGlo was mediocre

Red Rockets Team Photo



Thought I'd make this funny motivational team photo to lighten the mood a bit. It's 100% public domain, so feel free to blast it out to all social media sites, make t-shirts, posters, wipe your ass with it, etc.

Profile Pics



This one says 'hey I'm here to party and get out at first base'

Profile Pics


Could be a mic? Could be a Red Rocket? You got a better pic of you in red, send it my way.
Working on yours, Sarah

Red Rockets Shutout and Ass-RapeTeam Viagra 7-0 Leaving Them With Blue Balls!!





The Red Rockets won the "Boner Bowl" Wednesday night and hit the kickball version of the trifecta by ass-raping Team Viagra, pulling out to "Superman that hoe"and then left their post middle-aged, overly erect opponents with blue balls. It was a crushing, demeaning and demoralizing display that would probably have given one of Ruben's groupies flashbacks.

Once again, the carnage began in the top of the first courtesy of back to back base hits by Ruben "Rubs" Kajkowski and Ali "Dookie" Deese. Then John "Griff" Griffin smacked a low liner into right center driving in both runners before rounding the bases and scoring himself for his 3rd consecutive homer to start the season. He rounded 2nd, 3rd and took home with the ball in the infield almost daring his blue pill swallowing counterparts to try and throw him out. Through two games, the reigning WAKA tourney final MVP has 3 homers and 9 RBIs in only 4 at bats.

Two weeks into the season, two first inning facials. I think this is becoming a team trademark. Props to Team Viagra though. They didn't take it up the ass all game without a smile. In fact after taking an ealry pearl necklace from Griff's 3 run shot, they wiped themselves off and kept on fighting and even seemed more spirited by the 5th inning when the game was out of reach. Maybe that's just all of that "experience" those old-timers have on us. Or maybe they just like to be dominated.

Some other notes from the game.....


John "Irish" Durcan got off the snide with a nice extra base hit. When asked if the Red Rockets win took some of the sting off of watching Manchester United lose earlier in the day, his reaction (pictured on the right) almost made me shit myself in fear. Guess soccer is still the top sport in his heart. Just save some room for "Dookie" and kickball.. okay, bud?



SarahB was robbed by a horrible call negating a fine base hit. Jeanette did her best to try and cool off everyone in attendance with a nice breeze when she swung and completely whiffed on a pitch. That's the kind of unselfishness I like from teammates. Duc "Duck" Truong pitched two more solid innings to start the game. "Rubs" relieved in the 3rd closing out the game and dominated. His debut using the smaller yellow ball was a successful one, and his pitches had enough movement to draw the ire of his raging hard-on opponents. Yella/RedBird shut down a couple of bunts drawing some comparisons to Nick ("Asshole Catcher") from Balls N Dolls and some ribbing from a drunk Red Rocket fan. "His name is Bito."


Brent "BK" Kraus was a defensive demon taking away two base hits in the first and earned "Rocket Man" honors for the week. For his efforts, he'll receive an all-inclusive overnight stay in bed with Elton John. Sir Elton is excited about this upcoming visit. Bayshorekb.com talked to him via conference call earlier today and he had the following comment, "Mmmmmm.... I'm really looking forward to spending some quality time with that Brent. I'm so delighted to share my bed with an American stud like him! Isn't kickball wonderful? Go Red Rockets!"






The Rockets were in control the entire game, but never really laid the hammer down like last week when they blew multiple loads all over the faces of the Whiskey Sours. Still, they got Team Viagra bent over early and just pretty much leaned on them in attempt to "make it last" more so than the previous week. Maybe they were tired or just comlpacent. One thing's for sure, they know they can perform better and even have the adult film awards to prove it. We'll see if it comes (or cums) out next week vs "Got Green?" The toe hits the rubber at 8pm. See you there!

Downfalls of Old Age

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I swear it wasn't me....Bito??

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SPORT/05/28/nigeria.death.united.barcelona/index.html

Soccer Sunday

Soccer is on the Schedule for Sunday. Who's playing? Where? What time?

Basketball Saturday


To help set this up a little better I made a yahoo group that allows easy polls and keeps track of who is signed up to play. I emailed a bunch of you fags and 1/2 of you were 2 lazy to click the link.

So to know who's playing this weekend go to this link

http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/HPbball/

Then vote and you will see the list. Every week a new poll will be emailed to you which will make this all very simple. Once we have people doing it for bball we can do it for soccer/volleyball/Chandlernutjuggling

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A day in the life of Gomez in jail.

This probably wasn't mentioned in the safari travel brochure & don't think you'll get to experience this at Lowry Park Zoo.


This illusion is sick!

Official Red Rockets vs Team Viagra Prediction Thread

Well, here we are hours away from tonight's Red Rockets vs Team Viagra game. I thought I would just post some pics that state the obvious humor in the match up as well as give people a chance to voice their predictions.



I'm predicting Griff will homer again tonight and drive in 4. I'm also predicting Rubs to pitch a couple of shutout innings, get on base and score. I'm predicting Gomez to arrive red-eyed, Nate to get drunk and Irish to be celebratory. I'm predicting at least 25 raunchy erection jokes shared by both teams and that Team Viagra will not take my advice on the Cherry Flavored Anal Eaze and will have a very sore ass tonight.

Feel free to post your predictions.


Twins with Different Fathers

Did anyone else hear about this? It’s crazy. You’d think that once you’re pregnant you can’t get doubly pregnant.

So, guys, watch out for those promiscuous women out there, pregnant or not…

A pair of twins born in Dallas aren't brothers. Instead, they are half-brothers because they have different fathers.

Their mother said that she had an affair that resulted in the two babies who were born at the same time, but fathered by two different men.
She seemed proud to be telling the news story about it too.

Lab results show there is a zero percent chance that the two 11-month-old boys, Justin and Jordan, have the same father.

Learning time: When twins have two fathers, doctors call it heteropaternal superfecundation and there are very few documented cases. The doctor said that it can happen when a woman releases multiple eggs during ovulation. If she has more than one sexual partner within the same time period, sperm cells can fertilize two separate eggs.

Sodom & Gomorrah

As Jared pointed out, this site has reached a new low with voyeuristic monkey sex. Granted, I'm not really sure what you all expected from a site named "Donkey Punch Toboggan." Anyway... in times like these, I think it's important to remember the sins of our past. Please do not give in to the temptation of monkey sex. Stay pure with your thoughts. After all, we are no longer in Key West.

To help remind everyone the dangers of your slutty ways, I present to you this surprisingly accurate story of Sodom & Gomorrah. Enjoy. Sinners.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Monkeys

When I watched this, all I said was "hell yes!" like 5 times.
NSFW?

Champions League Final!

Tomorrow at 2:30pm Live from The Olympic Stadium In Rome, Italy will be the 2009 Champions League Final.
It’s Barcelona Vs Manchester United.

A little primer –

Barcelona
The 3rd highest scoring team(from The Big 4 leagues) in the last 50 years.
Lost to Manchester in the Semi’s last year.
Lionel Messi, the forward for Barcelona is the World Player of the Year runner-up.
Champions in 2006



Manchester United

The reigning champions. No one has repeated in almost 20 years.
Undefeated in Champions League since losing in the 2007 Semi’s
Cristiano Ronaldo (aka sexiest mofo around –in a purely non gay way) is the World Player of the Year.

Promises to be a great game.

Basically the Super Bowl of Soccer. So if you want to experience a good time with a bar full of soccer fans, partake in Happy Hour from 1:45pm when they open until the game ends around 5:00pm, or you are currently between jobs and have nothing better to do on a Wednesday afternoon, then come join us at MacDintons at 2:00pm and be one of the 1 Billion people around the world who will watch the game.

Roll call of people who have voiced their attendance -
Bito, Heather, Irish, Ali, Mike S, Alicia, Brooke, Mel K, Griff, Cathy, Sarah B, and Some other people that I was too drunk to remember.

Awesome Weekend!

(courtesy of Chan's pics)

Monday, May 25, 2009

Why the Rays will not make the playoffs



Tonight I witnessed one of the worst games of baseball I have ever seen and the reason why the Rays will fail to make the playoffs this year. After building a quick 10-0 lead in the 4th inning the Rays failed to score again and ended up losing 11-10. As if blowing the a 10-0 lead wasnt bad enough they practically gave the lead away with 10 walks (4 of which came with a 2 run lead in the bot of the 9th with 2 outs). Lets face it the Rays bullpen is garbage from top to bottom and doesnt appear to be getting better anytime soon. Below are some more side notes why this game was complete crap.

- David Price only lasted 4 innings while walking 5 and throwing 100 pitches (sad)
- Rays have now lost 14 straight to the tribe in Cleveland (sad)
- Rays walked 10 total batters (sad)
- Blew the largest lead in team history (sad)
- Martinez who was 0 for his last 17 had the winning hit (sad)

Stick a fork in them, the Rays are done.

Memorial Weekend

As seen through my camera. I think everyone would agree we had a blast playing volleyball. So we definitely need to add it to the rotation of our weekend sports.

Memorial Weekend 2009

Soccer is next Sunday. Come on out and join us!

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Steve Irwin of Parties

Butterflies Rule!

Speaking of Griff/George Michael.....

I found this hidden video that Griff/George Michael made during the last off season.

I give it a matter of time before this guy's name gets used as a new WAKA team name...

Why can't the Tampa news stations have exciting stories like this??

Is Matt "Mikey" From The Goonies?

We noticed this the other day while enjoying The Goonies.

Mikey from The Goonies



The Matt Kramer you all know and cherish.





So More like this?


Or This?

Is Griff George Michael?


You be the judge...

BBQ supplies for this Sunday's Volleyball/BBQ

Ok guys it sounds like Ali is cool with this Volleyball/BBQ thing going down at her place this Sunday around noon:
Post Rocky Point

I have a volleyball (she said they also have a net in the pool), I also have a cornhole set, and I'm sure other ppl have other assorted games...
But what about the food situation?

-Meats (Nate, Alicia and Bull)
-sides (Cathy, Kirsten, Sarah
-utensils/cups/supplies (Griff)
-buns (Sarah)
-alcohol (BYOB, most likely)
-charcoal/bbq stuff (Matt-Superbad)
-giant cooler (Bull)

-- Sign up sheet ??

Red Rockets Blast Off and Give Whiskey Sours a Facial With 10-2 Win!

The Red Rockets "exploded" all over the faces of the Whiskey Sours and all over the fields this past Wednesday for the opening of the brand new Kickball Society. It was a long, hard, explosive, red rocketing good time full of beer, ass slapping, jello shots and more ass slapping.

Everyone picked their own pre-game ritual to get ready. Most of the Rockets pounded beers and socialized. Some were way more intense. NateDogg practiced his oral sex skills on a jello shot and Chris Gomez was so excited about his debut that he repeatedly punched himself in the nose to get ready -- as seen in this photo on the right. Now that's dedication to his team. We can all take a page out of his book!

























The Rockets showed up pumped for their debut and did not disappoint to the tune of a 10-2 Whiskey Sour butt ramming that would make even Knowlton proud. So proud that this reporter even contacted him by phone and got the following comment, "Red Rockets?? What the fuck is a Red Rocket?! Leave me alone, Fucker!!"

The action started early on in the top of the first when Nate "NateDogg" Leighton and Ali "Dookie" Deese got on safely and we're driven in by a tape measure shot 3-run homer by John "Griff" Griffin. Before the Whiskey Sours could even blink or grab their ankles, they had been violated and we're screaming in pain looking for a "happy place," a wash rag, a hand towel, an explanation or all of the above. That would set the tone for the evening as the Sours would be ravaged several times again. The final "load" came in the 3rd inning via a 2nd 3-run homer by Griff that all but had the Sours in the fetal position, wishing the Rockets would just "get it over with" so they could take a shower and ice down their asses.

The Rockets were without the services of Ruben "Rubs" Kajkowski, who will make his debut next week. In his absence, Duc "Duck" Truong pitched 4 solid innings, giving up only 2 runs for the win and Jeanette pitched a colorful 1,2,3 5th to finish the game. Next week's opponent has not yet been announced, but does it really matter? The Rockets will be revved up, turned on and looking for action.

Just how high can these Red Rockets burst into the air? Who knows? One thing is for sure though, the sky is the limit and the rest of the league better stock up on some cherry flavored Anal Eaze. If they're curious where they can buy some, they should check CVS, the Todd, Chandler's mouth or Rollo's bathroom.

This had to take a lot of time


Guess the Backwards Song - Watch more Funny Videos

Don't mean to beat a dead horse but...


...are we gonna have enough people for a full game of bball tomorrow morning? Don't want to make the drive from N. Tampa to jump in a 2 v. 2 game with these guys ---->

ROLE CALL PLEASE!!

Alcohol

A few people told me how surprisingly "hungover" they were from the Independent last night. I'm slightly feeling the effects of some decent boozing... but I think it's important to remember the root cause of your headache. Alcohol.

The Independent prides itself on serving tasty imports and hipster beers that you can't get at most bars. But these beverages usually pack a higher Alcohol by Volume. So when you're sipping on that Titan IPA with 7% ABV, remember that each beer is just under 2 Bud/Miller Lights/Lites. In fact, 3 of those equals 5 light beers.

And 7% ABV is low compared to some of that other crazy brew you all were drinking. So anyway... remember to always order "full flavored" or "ice" beers instead of "light" ones when you go out. You'll get drunk faster. I recommend a nice cold Samuel Jackson.

Chappelle's Show
Samuel L. Jackson Beer
comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story

Sometimes I close my door in my office and jam out to this...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I feel so bad for this guy!


The Worst Job Ever - Watch more Funny Videos

Test Time for Rollo


Looks like Rollo has high aspirations to be the next MALL COP. As we speak he is taking the test to replace Paul Blart.


CentSports!

This post is long overdue... and overly long. But that's how I roll. Anyway...

Do you like sports? How about gambling? Maybe you'd enjoy gambling if you weren't such a cheap ass? Personally, I found all three things to be true. So a while back a friend of mine told me about "CentSports," which is a FREE sports betting site. Yeah... it sounds dumb and/or sketchy. But the idea is actually quite brilliant.

In 2006, online gambling in the Untied States was basically abolished due to the SAFE Port Act (which had nothing to do with gambling). The measure prohibited the transfer of personal funds to any gambling institution through the vast tubes of the internets. So it didn't exactly outlaw online gambling; rather, it only made it illegal to use your own money.

Yes... our government needs to protect us from ourselves.

Anyway, some kids at Texas A&M had a great idea: you could circumvent the law by using fake money. But how do you turn fake money into real money? Advertising.

They developed this sports betting site that gives you $0.10 for free. That's right, one freakin' dime. You then bet on practically any sporting event you want using real-time Vegas lines. Once you amass $20, they'll send you a check. And it's all funded by pop-up ads and shit that cover the site. In case you haven't heard, there is a ton of money in online advertising with over $25 BILLION expected to be spent in 2009 (Blogger even gives us the option to litter DPT with ads for a few bucks).

Of course, you don't have to cash out at $20. The top cash out to-date is $635 (I'm at $8). That's a return on "investment" of 6,350%... and quite mind blowing. If you ever lose all your money, you just start over again with ten cents.

Anyway, a few of us are wasting our time with this, so if you'd like to get in on the action just click on either Jared or myself below. There is nothing more exciting than betting a nickel on Belgium soccer.

<..............click...............>

Group Pic from Key West

I know I’ve been bad about downloading my pictures; but I thought this one was great, and I had to share.
It’s from the top level of the Key West Express.
Too bad we have a few missing due to hangover/drunk naps, driving, or too wasted to realize what was going on.
When can we go back?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Something super to keep you occupied on a Thursday night now that the season is over.

Just in case there’s anyone here who’s searching for true love and lacking any drama in their lives or knows someone who is (drama in WAKA?? No way…) there is an open casting for the new seasons of the Bachelor and Bachelorette tomorrow night at the Hard Rock from 6-10. I’ll be there along with Alison (some of you know her from soccer and former Superstar fill-in) helping ABC with the casting process. If anything, just come out and plan to be entertained because I’m sure the people watching will be amazing! Come on, what else are you really gonna do on a Thursday night now that Kickball is over? All the season finales were last week so you can’t use that excuse either. Here’s the link from ABC Action News: http://www.abcactionnews.com/content/programming/bachelor/default.aspx

DO IT!

DPT Cultural Series


To appease those contemplative people in the shoutbox who feel that this blog lacks a certain cultural awareness or intelligence, I thought I would bring up an article from usatoday.com. There is a measure before the Senate Finance Committee proposing a tax increase on beer, wine, and liquor. The proceeds from this tax would be used to fund a health care initiative for uninsured Americans. Taxes per six-pack would rise by 48 cents, or 145 percent. So, DPT community, what are your thoughts on this proposal that directly impacts our weekly gatherings?

And for those of you who are not interested in this particular discussion, look, hot German girls with massive...beers.

May 31st - Should be interesting

Ireland are playing USA Eagles in Rugby on May 31st - in CA.

Should be interesting.......

Cathy Leone = Famous! Why didn't you tell us you were on TV!

Basketball

Who's in for this Saturday? Vagina's still not allowed...Cept Flo's

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Guess Who!?!

He told me about 727492 times to post this and ask everyone to guess who it was.... i think he forgot he spoke directly to the camera.


video

Orlando and Kickball

If anybody has been wondering where the F is chuckers? I've been in Orlando routinely 3 nights a week. I've been here so often that I think I may end up playing kickball in O-town. Anyway I looked it up and saw some pretty cool team names. I never realized that some of the names were so commonly used. Maybe I should start a new Toejammer/Soul Glo team and expand the franchise.

Super Skinnies
Thats What She Said
Los Locos
E Equals MC Hammered
Your Mom
SUCK MY KICK
I'd Hit it!
Balls N Dolls
ASCE Enginerds
Greatest Show Played On Turf
Menace To Sobriety
I Can Smell Your Bunt
2 Drink Minimum
Multiple Scoregasm
We Got the Runs
Grape Nutz

Does anybody else spend time in Orlando during the week? I need some Happy Hour friends!

On the wall at a bar in Key West... Who Am I?




Thanks for the xmas card Jeanette!

When are we going to meet your new beau?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Underage Drinking

How would you feel if you walked into this bar?

Celebrity Jeopardy returns...the world rejoices

The Secret to a Good Marriage...

BayshoreKB? DPT? WTF?!? FTW!!!

Hee-haw bitches! It's time for another update on our status!

In an environment of financial chaos and uncertainty amongst America's powerhouse corporations, we witnessed a merger today that will surely bring the blogging world to its knees. This oligopoly is about to become a monopoly! And we're Rich Uncle Pennybags!

Ok, that was a little melodramatic. But here's the deal: Donkey Punch Toboggan has "acquired" the URL of BayshoreKB (for now). Actually, Knowlton has graciously decided to forward all traffic from BKB to DPT. So our current address is still the long-winded donkeypunchtoboggan.blogspot.com. We are in the process of securing something shorter for the future (and the front-runner is pretty funny... to me... and Sean... maybe to you...).

Some of you might be reading this and thinking... "what the deuce is he talking about?" That's probably because you logged into BayshoreKB this afternoon and were directed here without ever being aware of a change. Well the good news is you don't need to update your bookmark! However, here's the status update:
  • Knowlton has retired from blogging. As of now he's not even set up as a contributor to this site... but will definitely be welcomed back if he chooses.
  • In the next couple of days we'll migrate ALL of the old posts from BayshoreKB to DPT. This will be the only blog in which you can find all the dumb shit posted years ago. Score one for history!
  • The layout and contributors must all be re-created. They will not be transferred over in the migration. So if you want to contribute you'll have to send myself, Sean or Bull a message on one of the 1,000 electronic mediums we're associated with (email, MySpace, Facebook, your mom's cell phone, etc...).
  • If you make a couple of posts, I'll add your picture to the site. A few people will be grandfathered in, of course. But "contributor pics" aren't meant for popularity. Instead, they give a face to those who provide content. It's really for the newbies (aka: n00bs).
  • For the time being, all anonymous comments are disabled. This will probably change in the future but for now we ask that you log in to comment. We also ask that everyone stop punching each other... and start punching donkeys.
Suck on that for $10,000.

Volleyball?!?!


It's been awhile since our last beach volleyball day, and i have been talking to a few peeps who are down to go again...so let's make it happen! Post Rocky Point/Crabby Bills is the place, Sunday/Noonish is the day and time...see you all there :)

Bayshorekb

The site is backup for good. Knowlton has his personal reasons for what he did and if you want to know what they are then call him. Knowlton was nice enough to forward bayshorekb over to this site but wants nothing to do with it anymore. We are still going to try to come up with a different .com name but until then this will work just fine. Donkey Punch Toboggan was made and started by me last week back when you guys were all in Key West which means Knowlton has no power to close it down. A lot of the old contributors are already signed back up over here and Chandler will have some pics up tonight.

As for Jeanettes blog....

I for one am glad to see it up and hope it does very well! I am 100% happier knowing I won't have to scroll down past 11 Jeanette posts just to find a decent one. I would of built her a blog months ago had I known this would be the result.

Welcome to DPT

Hello friends. As all of you know, our beloved BayshoreKB has been killed (yet again). But while we would love to see it resurrected, there are still needs that must be met today. Needs of wasting time at work. Needs of laughing hysterically at asinine, childish humor. Needs of rolling our eyes at jokes which fall flat. Needs of activity planning and the sharing of ideas. Needs of drama inflaming commentary. And even needs of kickball recaps, stats and previews.

Notice our needs do not include "rick-rolling" or "dog-rats in diapers."


The first time I ever talked in length to Knowlton was at Redneck Easter 2008. It took him all of 10 seconds to recognize me as a rookie kickballer and to invite me to contribute on BayshoreKB. He then rambled on about his frustration in the ebbs and flows of the "posting seasons." Blog activity was high during the kickball months only to dissipate in the off season. He wanted to create a place on the web for our social circle to waste time and keep up with each other year round. Sure, there were social sites like MySpace and Facebook... but those weren't specific to us and our community. Knowlty Poo always envisioned a blog much bigger than kickball... and he was definitely on to something. He loved that shit. And we're sad to see it go.

So like a Phoenix rising from the ashes of BayshoreKB, ChandleRollo is proud to bring you "Donkey Punch Toboggan!" There is no telling how long this site will last... but that doesn't really concern us. For now, it will satisfy some of our needs. We are not just a stupid waste of space on the internet. We're also "a donkey punch performed at the top of a set of stairs. After the punch is performed, the limp body is ridden down to the bottom of the stairs with the penis still inserted."

Welcome to the site, and feel free to email for posting rights.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

THE Epic Blog Post

If you have a problem with someone or something do you - ?

A) Come to that person directly and be up front
B) Sit in your room and spank the monkey to gay porn
C) Do nothing
D) Type out a 1000 word essay to a girl at 2:30am and whine

Unfortunately Chandler chose D ( and B )

A little back story.

Chandler does not like me because I nommed the love of his life for money on my last birthday, and because I can be crazy and funny when the situation needs it to be.... oh and I nommed the love of his life. Can't be clear enough on that....it was fun (still haven't been paid yet though...)

Chandler is also very over the top when it comes to being a kickball captain. (Shocker I know) Things like signing our weekly email essay's with "Your Captain", "Honeybuns", or "Sweet Cheeks" and writing them where everything is "What's my name Bitch?" and "Who's your Daddy?" and "All this could be mine?" and addressing his future "Not Stepping Down" like its a military command position or he is the CEO of Playgirl. Should we hold a ceremony?

Normally his antics and over the topness are pretty freaking funny and we all just keep on running to the bathroom to avoid peeing our pants.

But lately its been getting out of control. Chandler plays with himself at only one position (doggy style), and plays with himself every inning. As if that's not disturbing enough he also rearranges the line up so he NEVER has to kick first. Putting all the pressure on me.

So last night as I was perusing our offensive alignment. I noticed that everyone on the team was kicking after me. Chandler had himself kicking 7th, yes 7th. Not 2nd or 3rd or 4th or 5th or 6th but 7th. Putting all the pressure on me once again to be 1st. So I decided to ask him right then and there. I know for a fact 83.33% (repeating of course) of the team didn't even hear me talking to Chandler. Anyway it all lead to this exchange.

Rollo: Hey Chandler!
Chandler: (nervous glance as he takes his hand out of his pants)

2 minutes later
Rollo: Hey Chandler, quick question, how come I have to kick first??
Chandler: (quick glance and walking away pretending to get another beer, followed by a weak attempt to blend in with the crowd)

2 minutes later
Rollo: Hey Chandler, why are you kicking 7th and not 1st?
Chandler: Well you told me you can kick wherever and whenever which means 1st, 2nd, 3rd and so on up to 24th. So I put you 1st.
Rollo: What are you talking about? I'd like to kick in other positions
Nate: Yeah me too
Chandler: Well those are the positions you signed up for. (Even though he writes in the email, I was told not to sign up)
Rollo: No I've kicked other positions. Hell last week I kicked 2nd, 3rd and 4th when you jerking it in the corner. And how come you can munt anytime you want during the game??
Chandler: Because I know me and I know I can munt all day long (cue Pedro right here) I don't know you. I don't know where you can kick. I specifically didn't asked for input on where you want to kick and thankfully you never gave me any.
Rollo: It's kickball. A serious sport. My nerves can't handle kicking 1st every game!
Chandler: How would I know that? I don't know you!
Rollo: Sooo why are you kicking 7th again?
Chandler: Because I am the captain
Rollo: Good thing you might not be stepping down next season.
Chandler: Maybe you should have stepped up this season!! (ZING!)
Rollo: huh?
Chandler: huh?
Rollo: what?

Best part of this whole email, aside from it in its entirety, is this:
"His name is Nom Sayin" like I'm black or something.

Oh and yes I did nom some British girl at a random bar (or 2) but there was $ on the table and a brother needs to make that money. It was also very late and I had some crazy thick beer goggles on. Chandler is still just upset because he was sucking on Missy's toes that night for free. But I guess it is now Chandlers business.

But since he wants to call me out... All I have to say to him is even when I'm drunk I wouldn't blow a donkey for $50k. That is Chandlers job.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Chandler Brown
Date: Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 2:30 AM
Subject: Some Information
To: Michelle McNomNom



McNomNom,
You'll probably read this tonight due to your domesticated pre-wife living situation, but I just wanted to give you a heads up on some information that will be shared with the team after the playoffs. I tried to step up and lead this team which we retained in Leif's honor, but have not succeeded. Thus, I have been thinking for awhile now... and I was pretty sure... but after tonight I am definitely sure that I might return as captain for only one more season (in accordance to the Liger Doctrine section 1.03). I'm pretty sure that I will continue to play on the Ligers after that, but it's too early to say for sure. Sure? Sure. Yep... I'm sure.

Anyway, there was a situation that I did not appreciate that happened tonight on the field. A particular player came up to me complaining why he had to kick first, in front of the others. While I agree this would be a valid point to make, the timing was very bad on this persons part. We are nine weeks into the season so I would expect him to say something at an earlier game, plus he chose to say something during the game which was not the best time to be doing this! It's not like I changed my line-up this week, it has been somewhat similar for all nine weeks. The best part is that when I tried to move said player down the line-up like he asked, he still walked up to the plate to kick first thus someone else had to kick in a different slot thus moving everyone around thus mixing up their normal slots thus confusing the entire team ergo our line-up kicking debacle! Thus!

I thought about sending this out to the whole team, but I don't think it is fair to lump everyone together as it is just one bad apple. I did send out like 8 long-winded emails at the beginning of the season stating that if anyone has any suggestions to make the team better, or just has some input to share, to shut the fuck up. Of course I got no response. So I assumed everyone recognized and respected my authority!!

I also specifically did not ask people where they wanted to kick, and barely got a response from anyone (and of course got no response from said pansy player) so I have to order people where I think they will succeed. Thus in a way I am guilty of giving people completely fair kicking orders. I know certain people will succeed at certain spots, but others I put them where I think their inevitable outs will be timely. If they want to kick somewhere else, then I wish they'd just get on base more. I admit I am guilty of wanting to win while also having fun so I try to keep our line-up at its most effective state.

I say all this to you because I'm sure you know who the person is who gave me shit tonight. His name is Sean. His name is Rollo. His name is NomNom King. His name is Nom Sayin'. His birth name is actually John. He's got two middle names: Nicholas Christopher. He's got a lot of names. While I do not know if the rumors are true that you two are shopping for engagement rings right now (and it is really none of my business unless you would like to tell me... so tell me now!!!), you two have become very close as you are to the "in-laws." I just have to tell you that I don't like him and it will stop me from hitting on you and sending you flowers and stuff when he is around both currently and in the future. I hate to say it but that is how much I can't stand him.

Maybe it's unfair how I think about him and maybe you think that the only reason I do not like him is because of the way he treated that poor British girl in Key West 2008. While that may be a part of it, I assure you that my dislike for him did not really start until long after he nom'd her to win a bet up at Rick's Bar after previously just noming her in a drunken state at Dirty Harry's. I hate the fact that he likes to poke fun at people and then makes me poke fun at people and then easily shrugs it off when people poke fun at him. I also don't like his lack of a temper... for example when Leif and I made him do shots of vodka while we did shots of water just to get him to black out so we could draw on his face with a sharpie... he never got angry. Or just recently at a team party when I kneed him in the balls whilst he was wasted and he didn't even try to get me back... rather he just slapped Paige in the face with hotdogs while jumping around like a drunken hobbit. I think he cares about others too much. Case in point, not getting angry at other peoples' antics vastly reduces the drama and entertainment in our own lives. Then I'm forced to be amused by other peoples' drama!

I'm not sure if you were there at the time, and I don't think you were, but I'm sure Duc remembers. About a three-quarter year or a five-eighths year ago after a night at the bar, Leif asked me a question that I had an answer for but Sean clearly did not. He asked me "what is the password?" I instantly knew the answer since I had said it earlier in the night and the phrase is quite funny to me. If he or anyone else were to ask Sean that same question right now, he would definitely NOT know the answer. The answer is "Poop Sex." I feel strongly about that. But Sean didn't know that because we got wasted off chugging games and then Leif and I thought it was funny to keep changing the password to confuse him. We never uttered the original password the rest of the night. So by the time we got home Sean guessed like 15 wrong passwords and laughed the whole thing off!

Take this email for what you may. Maybe I'm just letting off steam or something since it is late right now. I just wanted to let you know how I feel since it seems we have grown apart lately. I haven't really had a chance to talk to you much in the past few weeks. I hope you can keep this information between us but it is up to you. If you feel like sharing it with someone or even posting it on the blog, that is your right since I did send it to you. No worries as I have no problem standing by every single word I have said in this email. That being said, I hope you had fun playing the Superstars tonight. It's still not your team since Frank was out there. And I'm 90% sure Sandra was out there too and probably falls next in the succession order of the team. And then after Missy and Sydney and Joe and Erica and Austin and Dave and Matt... then maybe it's your team. There are plenty of others ahead of you. But hopefully they let you hold the scorebook.


Chandler



----- In Closing ------

I only posted this because in the email Chandler said I could... and even if he didn't say that... I still would have because it's funny.

And for the record. I just wanted to know why all the pressure had to be put on me? Chandler could have just fixed it. But he let personal feelings affect his captaining abilities. I also didn't make him write a disparaging thousand word email at 230am.

His Name is Bito -ORIGINAL-

**Original "His Name is Bito" post... in its entirety without any modification***

---------------------------------

If you have a problem with someone or something do you - ?

A) Come to that person directly and be upfront
B) Sit in your room, put on The Cure and cry
C) Do nothing
D) Type out a 1000 word essay to a girl at 2:30am and whine

Unfortunately Florian chose D.

A little back story.

Florian does not like me because I dated the love of his life, and because I can be abrasive and outspoken when the situation needs it to be.... oh and I dated the love of his life. Can't be clear enough on that.

Florian is also very over the top when it comes to being a kickball captain. (Shocker I know) Things like signing our bi weekly email essay's with "Your Captain" and writing them where everything is "I have made this decision, and I am going to do this or that", addressing his future "Stepping Down" like its a military command position or he is the CEO of GM. Should we hold a ceremony?

Normally his antics and over the topness is pretty harmless. And we all just keep on going without paying him any mind.

But lately its been getting out of control. Florian plays himself at multiple positions, plays himself every inning. Rearranges the line up to benefit himself. Etc

So last night as I was perusing our defensive alignment. I noticed that multiple people on the team were only playing 3 innings. While Florian had himself(and only him) down to play every inning at multiple positions. So I decided to ask him right then and there. I know for a fact 75% of the team didn't even hear me talking to Flo. Anyway it all lead to this exchange.

Bito: Hey Flo!
Florian: (nervous glance and shuffling the other way)

2 minutes later
Bito: Hey Flo, quick question, how come some people are playing all 5 innings while others are only playing 3??
Florian: (quick glance and walking away pretending to get another beer, followed by a weak attempt to blend in with the crowd)

2 minutes later
Bito: Hey Flo, why are you playing every inning and some people are only playing 3?
Florian: Well you two(Mike Smithkey and I) aren't playing because you can only play 2 positions 1st and 3rd and you are on a rotation
Bito: What are you talking about? I'll play anywhere.
Mike: Yeah me too
Florian: Well those are the positions you signed up for. (Even though he writes in the email, I never signed up)
Bito: No I've played other positions. Hell last week I play 2nd, center field and right field. And how come you can play anywhere you want and the whole game??
Florian: Because I know me and I know I can play all the positons (Cue Frank right here) I don't know you. I don't know where you can play. I asked for input on where you want to play and you never gave me any.
Bito: It's kickball. I can play every position.
Florian: How would I know that? I don't know you!
Bito: Sooo why are you playing every inning again?
Florian: Because I am the captain
Bito: Good thing you are stepping down next season.
Florian : Maybe, you should have stepped up this season!! (ZING!)

Best part of this whole email, aside from it in it's entirety, is this
"His name is Bito" like I'm a magician or something.

Oh and Yes I did slam a door in Angie's face in NOLA, it was 7am or something. I didn't return from the bar until after 5am and I had made up my mind to miss my 9am flight and I hadn't communicated that to Angie and she was just trying to be a good friend and I drunkenly told her I wasn't going and to leave me alone and I slammed the door. I apologized profusely and we moved on. But I guess it is now Florian's business.

But since he wants to call me out. When I am drunk I don't molest girls and grab their breasts and stare at them like meat. That is Flo's job.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Florian Geier
Date: Fri, Apr 10, 2009 at 2:30 AM
Subject: Some Information
To: Heather Nissen


Heather,
I know you won't read this until Saturday but I just wanted to give you a heads up on some information that will be shared with the team after the playoffs. I tried to step up and lead this team formed in Leif's honor but have not succeeded. Thus, I have been thinking about this for a while now and I was pretty sure but after tonight I am definately sure that I will step down as captain of the team after this season. I'm not even sure right now if I will play on the Superstars next season but it is too early to say for sure.
There was a situation that I did not appreciate that happened tonight on the field. A particular player came up to me complaining why some people got more playing time than others. While I agree this would be a valid point to make, the timing was very bad on this persons part. We are eight weeks into the season so I would expect him to say something at an earlier game plus he chose to say something during the game which was not the best time to be doing this. It's not like I changed my strategy this week, it has been the same for all eight weeks. The kicker is that when I tried to put said player on the field for an extra inning to even it out like he asked, he did not take the field and thus someone else had to take his spot.

I thought about sending this out to the whole team, but don't think it is fair to lump everyone in on this as it is just one bad apple. I did send out an email at the beginning of the season stating that if anyone has any suggestions to make the team better or just has some input to share, let me know. Of course I got no response.

I also asked people where they wanted to play, and barely got a response from anyone (and of course got no response from said player) so I have to play people where I think they will succeed. Thus in a way I am guilty of giving people unfair playing time. I know certain people will succeed at certain positions but others I put them where I think they can play well. If they want to play somewhere else, then I wish they would let me know. I admit I am guilty of wanting to win while also having fun so I try to keep people at thier best positions.

I say all this to you because I'm sure you know who the person is who gave me shit tonight. His name is Bito. While I do not know if the rumors are true that you guys are seeing each other right now and it is really none of my business unless you would like to tell me, you two have become very close as you are with the rest of the fam. I just have to tell you that I don't like him and it will stop me from hanging out as much when he is around both currently and in the future. I hate to say it but that is how much I can't stand him.

Maybe its unfair how I think about him and maybe you think that the only reason I do not like him is the way he treated Beth. While that may be a part of it, I assure you that my dislike for him did not really start until long after they broke up. I hate the fact that he like to poke fun at people but can't take it himself when people poke fun at him. I also don't like his short temper for example when he slammed the door in Angie's face when she tried to get him up in NOLA. I'm sure she would have still tried to get him to get ready if hadn't told her to leave him behind. I just think he only cares about himself and not anyone else. Case in point, backing out on the cruise last minute, thus costing each of you guys that still went extra money.

Not sure if you were there at the time, and don't think you were, but I'm sure Ernie rememebers. About a year or year and a half back back when we were on our way to Ceviche at First Friday, Leif asked me a question that I did not have an answer for. He asked me "who do you not like in Kickball." I could honestly tell him there wasn't a single person in kickball that I disliked. If he or anyone else were to ask me that same question right now, I would definatly have an answer. The answer would be Bito. I feel that strongly about it.
Take this email for what you may. Maybe I'm just letting off steam or something since it is late right now. I just wanted to let you know how I feel since it seems we have grown apart lately. I haven't really had a chance to talk to you much in the past few weeks. I hope you can keep this information between us but it is up to you. If you feel like sharing it with someone or even posting it on he blog, that is your right since I did send it to you. No worries as I have no problem standing by evey sigle word I have said in this email.
That being said, I hope you had fun on the cruise. It is your team to lead this week since I won't be there. Geoff is 90% sure he will be back so he can help you out in any way you need help and if not, there are pleanty of others on the team that will help you succeed. I'll have to come over sometime to give you the scorebook but I'm sure we can work something out.

Florian


----- In Closing ------
I only posted this because in the email Florian said I could.

And for the record. I just wanted to know why some people were playing 5 innings and others werent? Florian could have just fixed it. But he let personal feelings affect his captaining abilities. I also didn't make him write a disparaging thousand word email at 230am.

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Friday, May 8, 2009

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