Red Rockets Blast Off and Give Whiskey Sours a Facial With 10-2 Win!

The Red Rockets "exploded" all over the faces of the Whiskey Sours and all over the fields this past Wednesday for the opening of the brand new Kickball Society. It was a long, hard, explosive, red rocketing good time full of beer, ass slapping, jello shots and more ass slapping.

Everyone picked their own pre-game ritual to get ready. Most of the Rockets pounded beers and socialized. Some were way more intense. NateDogg practiced his oral sex skills on a jello shot and Chris Gomez was so excited about his debut that he repeatedly punched himself in the nose to get ready -- as seen in this photo on the right. Now that's dedication to his team. We can all take a page out of his book!

























The Rockets showed up pumped for their debut and did not disappoint to the tune of a 10-2 Whiskey Sour butt ramming that would make even Knowlton proud. So proud that this reporter even contacted him by phone and got the following comment, "Red Rockets?? What the fuck is a Red Rocket?! Leave me alone, Fucker!!"

The action started early on in the top of the first when Nate "NateDogg" Leighton and Ali "Dookie" Deese got on safely and we're driven in by a tape measure shot 3-run homer by John "Griff" Griffin. Before the Whiskey Sours could even blink or grab their ankles, they had been violated and we're screaming in pain looking for a "happy place," a wash rag, a hand towel, an explanation or all of the above. That would set the tone for the evening as the Sours would be ravaged several times again. The final "load" came in the 3rd inning via a 2nd 3-run homer by Griff that all but had the Sours in the fetal position, wishing the Rockets would just "get it over with" so they could take a shower and ice down their asses.

The Rockets were without the services of Ruben "Rubs" Kajkowski, who will make his debut next week. In his absence, Duc "Duck" Truong pitched 4 solid innings, giving up only 2 runs for the win and Jeanette pitched a colorful 1,2,3 5th to finish the game. Next week's opponent has not yet been announced, but does it really matter? The Rockets will be revved up, turned on and looking for action.

Just how high can these Red Rockets burst into the air? Who knows? One thing is for sure though, the sky is the limit and the rest of the league better stock up on some cherry flavored Anal Eaze. If they're curious where they can buy some, they should check CVS, the Todd, Chandler's mouth or Rollo's bathroom.