Monday, November 30, 2009

I always knew Chandler was a pussy but...






World's Strongest Beer




A British brewery has created what it claims is the world's strongest beer - coming in at 32 percent alcohol by volume.

The drink, named "Tactical Nuclear Penguin" is so strong that it should be served in small measures usually reserved for spirits.

Its maker, BrewDog brewers of Fraserburgh described the beer as its "most audacious and ambitious project to date."

In a posting on the company's website, James Watt, the managing director said: "This beer is bold, irreverent and uncompromising, a beer with a soul and a purpose, a statement of intent."

The drink's launch comes amid a high profile debate in Scotland about an epidemic of alcoholism in the country.

For Reals Lady. Go Get Me Some Ice.

Really Good.




Really Better (bonus slo mo replay/nate style)


I can't wait until I adopt mini bito. Even if my kid is the one getting laid out by some freak 6 yr old, I would still laugh... and then trip that other fucker in the parking lot.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

BOOM

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

here are some additional images for DPT logo consideration

ill give it a crack myself when i get a shot


















Happy Thanksgiving!

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Techno Viking

Yes...it's old...Yes, I posted it back when DPT was just a sperm in Chan's mouth...but here it is again...

New DPT Logo idea





I'll work on a couple more ideas after the holidays... Thoughts? Ideas?

Yella


I need some background info on this pic...it's just too random.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

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Caption This...

Taken moments after us girls beat the guys for the 7th time in a row. Sorry, Nate - you look priceless in this pic :)

Engrish is FUNNY!

So I stumbled across two websites that are quite funny - engrish.com and engrishfunny.com. If you've never been, it shows photos of signs, products and items found in Asian countries. Here are a few gems I've come across recently.











Monday, November 23, 2009

Chandler's Performance

For those of you not lucky enough to have witnessed it live, here is part 1 of Chandler's private concert he performed Saturday night. Rosey was on backup guitAR but Chandler was definitely the star of the show.

End of Season Party Redux

Here is an idea… Actually several.
For the next party just write out the $4,000+ check to Ryan Zambito.

I'll take over a parking lot, probably an old Winn Dixie one, but in reality any one will do. I’ll have one large main tent set up, with two smaller special event tents set up(to be explained later).
(Plan B is give Missy $750 to "rent" her place, then let her charge $2 for parking PAL style.)

This party will consist of the following.
A.k.a things I could definitely pull off and still make a healthy profit.

1. Way more beer than we could ever drink. $200 a keg my ass!
a. Multiple kinds in bottles, not crap du jour that is being passed off as Budweiser.

2. More wings than we could ever eat (Winghouse qouted me $0.39 a wing, not $0.60 or whatever)

3. Hell I might even get one of those bouncy castles.

4. Karaoke (For Alicia, and Chan/Rosey)

5. Flip Cup
a. The Terminator. A one man 3 cup, best out of 3 Tourney. No Mom Boning.
b. Traditional Team Tourney.

6. I'll hire the dancing pickle and the statue of liberty to be our go-go dancers.

7. The 1st annual Kickball Cup Challenge. 12 Events. 12 winners. One Champion. You know you want it.

8. Date Auction. (Such a great event where did it go? And to think we gave all that $$ to PAL so they could pay a guy to yell at me for walking on their field.)

9. Worried about tunes? Don't! I'll make sure Heather brings her iPod again.

10. Rectangle tables.

New Bito wrinkles... (Imagine the possibilities)
11. Cage Fights for charity. To be held in Special Events Tent #1. Only paying/betting customers are allowed to enter. Person A challenges Person B. “$100 says I can beat your ass.” Winner gets half, the other half to charity. Person A and Person B get people to back/bet on them. The winners get their bet’s returned. The losers donate it to charity. The more juicy the fight, the more people will bet, and the more the purse could potentially be. Fights end with a tapout, limp body, or a towel.
a. Example Fights
1. Ty vs _________ (Anyone)
2. You vs Tony
3. No one vs Mike
4. Castro vs Reid
5. Ruben vs Jeanette
6. Chandler vs Gorecki (Who breaks first?)
7. I could go on.

12. Strips for Kicks - The Girls of Kickball strip for charity. To be held in Special Events Tent # 2. Only paying customers are allowed to enter. No photography. Girl gets half. Charity the other half. 3:30 minute performance time min. I bet some girls could easily get $300-$500 for themselves.
a. Sadly Gorecki will no longer be considered a girl for purposes of this promotion and this promotion only.
b. Double sadly, there will be no champagne room or cigarettes.


As my buddy Rasheed Wallace once said..."Cut The Check"

Epic Fail

Paralyzed Belgian misdiagnosed as in coma for 23 years


Fancy a Donkey Punch? I'm Alive Bitch!

End of Season Party

So... thoughts?
  • Venue was decent. I've always been a fan of Rick's as it is, but it did give us enough space. The round tables didn't hinder flip-cup too much.
  • At the end of the day... we probably paid too much for what we got. Kegs ran out once earlier in the night, and we paid like a billion dollars for them to give us two more. Then those ran out at 11 or so. Bars make a ton of money on us, so we shouldn't ever underestimate the power of our large social group. We should be much more hard-assed when negotiating prices.
  • A few of my friends actually took a boat to the bar... so that was kinda cool.
  • Breaker people are pretty low-key. And they suck at flip-cup. Thursday domination!
  • Someone threw an entire roll of raffle tickets at me towards the end of the night. I wasn't even aware we had a raffle... what were we giving away? Who won? WTF?
  • The people who always want to change things might not agree... but Gaspar's Grotto is still the best venue for our season parties.
  • Ruben made it through the night without getting attacked.
  • The Alcobitches were quite hot in their Corporate Ho's attire (Geoff looked mighty dapper as well).
  • If you lost a gray/silver nike sport jacket at my house, let me know. I also found an authentic Liger Captain's Visor that says "Bull" on it. If this is yours please describe it and I'll return it to your possession.

Too Soon?

Click here Irish...


Sunday, November 22, 2009

Did some research

Don't copy that floppy 2 - just came out 09/09/09

Berlin Wall - 20 years later

Awesome Pics

Don't Copy That Floppy - Subtitled

The lesson of this video is that piracy will ruin the future.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Back boobs


Homeland Security Advisory System - Current Threat Level

November 20, 2009 — The World Adult Kickball Association threat level is Elevated, or Yellow. However, the WAKA threat level is High, or Orange, for Tampa Bay, Florida.

End of Season Party Tomorrow!!


*Rick’s on the River - 2305 N. Willow Ave. Tampa - At the outside pavilion
*Free beer starts at 7pm
*Kickballers – Free and $10 for guests
*There will be apps too, like wings and chips and salsa.

See you all there!!

How pumpkin pies are made

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Leif Video Clips

In memory of Leif I thought I would share some videos of him :-)

Miss ya buddy!


Sugar + Water + Purple

Well…my Love of this great and beautiful nation and my hatred of all people with dark skin…

For Chandler

Will Farrell as Neil Diamond

Heath | MySpace Video

Remembering Leif




It is hard to believe it has almost been one year since we lost our beloved Leif and we would like you all to honor him in the way he would want us to. Thursday night we will be going to Pete's Place, one of Leif's favorite Tampa dive bars, at 9:30 to celebrate his life. I am working with Pete's Place to see if they will have karaoke for us. I encourage everyone to bring or wear something that reminds you of Leif and enjoy reminiscing about the fun times that were shared with him. If you all have any suggestions about the evening at Pete's Place please let me know. I hope everyone who loved Leif is able to come and celebrate his life with us all.

Bobby Bottleservice talks to all the sexy internet ladies

My new favorite internet character. There is one bad word in the beginning and near the end for corporate DPT'ers.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/07c4a5443c/bobby-bottleservice-talks-to-all-the-sexy-internet-ladies


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Swine Flu Shot Remix

Frank's Famous

Someone must have spotted Frank at Walmart... snapped a picture... and sent it to www.peopleofwalmart.com. Nice :)




Happy Holidays... Hope they're warm and toasty!

The Theory of Intelligence


'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo; and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

TBO.Com reads DPT and cools down their hot air.



Red light camera urban legend circulating through Hillsborough

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Nate

Would could have been (if you didn't shave your beard)

Attention Charitable Kickballers

Our dear friend Cathy is in need. Recently she has contracted a life-altering disease, which has rendered her unable to walk. This rare virus is called "Soccer-Suckitus" and usually only infects Irish people and Mexicans.

So this Saturday at the End-of-Season party, we will be collecting money to buy her a mobilization unit. Please bring any spare change you have, and keep Cathy in your prayers. Help make her mobility a reality!

*photo by Ruben*

For E-Flo

And to think this guy might be ruling the 13th most populous country in the world soon...





What the fuck is this movie even about?


**Update**
Here is an earlier teaser trailer that might clear up any plot questions.



Meh could be good...

The Next Big Thing 12/06/09

The next Big Thing is right around the corner...

The line-up this year is awesome (as always).

Rise Against
30 Seconds to Mars
Chevelle
The Used
Matisyahu
Panic At The Disco
Sick Puppies
Anberlin
Framing Hanley
Manchester Orchestra
Metric
Cage The Elephant

If you've never been to this event, it's an all day concert at the Ford Ampitheatre.

Here's the link for tickets:

http://www.livenation.com/edp/eventId/413805

Let me kow if you're planning on going. I usually buy pit tickets but spend most of the day in the lawn. My friends and I block off a big section early so we can all sit together.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

End of Season 11

So the season has come to a close. Let's tie up some loose ends and give some recognition:
  • Congrats to the Alcoballics on their impressive tournament run. During my first round game, we heard whispers of the 7-1 debacle taking place against Your Mom. I have no idea how they managed to pull that victory out of their ass... but it obviously gave them enough momentum to claim the championship. Hopefully someone will post a recap or two... maybe a Geoff sketch.
  • More congratulations are in order for the Alcoballics regarding their Crystal Pitcher victory. Winning both the tournament and CP is a feat that has never been done before, and I highly doubt a tournament winning team has ever been close to the top of Pitcher voting. While I fear these victories might vault the 'Ballics into "unbearable" status... they are well deserved due to their huge showing at MacD's each Thursday and participation in theme games.
  • Mike "Ding Dong" G. wasn't satisfied with two championships on the day... so he decided to win the tournament bracket challenge as well. We had excellent participation which yielded a jackpot of $51. Great job Mike. Final results:
Mike G. - 25 points
Bull - 19
Christopher (Prez) - 16
Chandler - 15
Frank (1) - 15
Kristen - 15
Alicia - 14
Griff - 14
Irish - 14
SarahB - 14
Yella - 14
Ali D. - 13
Chris S. - 13
Frank (2) - 12
Greg (Ligers) - 11
Frank (3) - 10
Nate Dawg - 9
  • Staying on the topic of gambling, Frank is crowned the weekly picks champion. There were 68 possible picks on the year (only four people picked every week), so I'm automatically eliminating anyone who picked less than 30. This leaves Frank on top with 75% accuracy. He also won the most net-drinks, earning 5 and owing 0.
So... another season is in the books filled with fun times, asinine events and entertaining drama. Keep sharing plans and trips this off-season. And don't forget the end of season party next Saturday.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Recap... Picks... Brackets... OH MY!

The Ligers lost the Faux-Beer Olympics 3-2 last night, thanks to the chugging depth of THEE Beer Nuts. After an impressive 2-0 lead... the Ligers always seemed to lose ground while chugging. Fun times had by all. Here are my game notes:
  • The Ligers won 5-1 in kickball; a game which only lasted three innings.
  • 4 of the Ligers' runs were scored with no shoes on.
  • Flip-Cup Shit Talking Relay was awesome and needs to become a real event.
  • Human Pyramid left a lot to be desired.
  • Edward 12oz Hands was pretty funny. Some people made GREAT plays with only one functional hand.
As for game picks... to the best of my ability determining who actually won last night... it appears Mike H. (MuffDaddy) only missed one game! He is owed a drink from the following people who missed 5 games: myself, Brie, Griff and SarahB. After the tournament and subsequent bracket payoff, I'll post up the real winners and losers of the picks season. Hopefully everyone had fun with it, and we'll do it again next year as long as there's interest.

Let's talk about those brackets... print out the playoff schedule, fill it in, and bring that sheet with $3 to the fields Saturday. Why $3? Why the fuck not? Use $5 to park and give me the change. Winner will take all the cash. None will go to charity. Ruben will go hungry.

The point system we'll use is 1-2-4-6. If you don't know what this means... just fill out a bracket and don't worry about it. Yes, you can submit multiple brackets.

Alright, I might get the final Strength of Schedule posted today. But instead of golfing I had to come in to work. So don't hold your breath.

Gameday Tourney Preview Special

Thursday, November 12, 2009

What exactly are they rebeling against?



TBO Article

Alright, a bunch of people have sent me this link today (thanks guys!). So go read the article on TBO:

Adults get their kicks with child's game

The chick made NO mention of the problems with sending a friend back in time to bone your mom thus becoming your dad. She talked to us about this for like 5 minutes... maybe the editors took it out.

And I guess this is "breaking news." Earlier this morning I heard a monkey was on the loose... now there's a giant panda reffing kickball games. F'd up world we live in.

Waka Gameday

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

It's worth re-posting

Incase anyone hasn't seen Rueben's post below about our game tomorrow. Bring some canned food items to the fields tomorrow for our food drive. Thanks

The Jammer vs Shocker game has decided to task itself with a food drive. So spread the word. Any personal email blasts, word of mouth and smoke signals would be much appreciated. We have a few food bank under consideration so let's hook them up. Standard canned food rules apply and if you would like to donate any other items, please post here. I will make sure they get to a proper source. Let's make it happen!!! It is the season of giving!!!

Some of the girls will be selling jello shots for a quarter. So make sure you have some change to get your "panhandle" on!!!

Picks - Week 10

Last chance to win some drinks! Sorry this is so late, but get your picks in!


We're also going to do tournament brackets. Print yours out and bring it to the field on Saturday with $3. Winner takes all. I'll post something about it later.

the ed hardy boyz




http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/cd14a180a2/ed-hardy-boyz?rel=player

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

If Rollo wants to go Old School

Not really old school, but not new either...Reggie Bush - yougotknockedthefuckout!

Best Halloween Costume Ever?

Frilar

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Camera Lights for Tickets in Tampa - GO LIVE

I had one in Temple Terrace. I was able to get out of it, but now there are many more. You have to make a FULL STOP when making a RIGHT ON RED.

The County's red light cameras are scheduled to go live today. They are going to run a 60 day warning period. They will be issuing violations to every violator including other municipalities and governmental agencies. They are also issuing them to their own vehicles. The following intersections should be operational.

Fletcher/Bruce B Downs
Fowler/56th Street
Sligh/Habana
Brandon Blvd/Grand Regency
Bloomingdale/Bell Shoal
Waters/Dale Mabry
Waters/Anderson


NOTE: When stopping, your front tires must be behind the thick white line just before the walking zone. If you stop with your tires on the white line you get a ticket!

NOTE: (As someone who got caught by a camera for not making a full stop when turning right on red, it was easy to slide through at these large intersections with right hand turn lanes. Although I slowed down in the lane, the video showed I did not come to a complete stop.)
Subject: Caution Waters Ave and Dale Mabry Highway Intersection

NOTE: The month of November will be a trial run, beginning in December they will start issuing traffic citations. Lakeland and Clearwater have collected a combined $1.5 million dollars in fines this year from their red light camera systems. The citations are not only for running the red light, but the most offenses are not coming to a complete stop before turning right on red and not stopping behind the white stripe before the pedestrian cross walk The citation will be issued against the owner(s) of the car. It is a fineable offense with no points issued against your license. If you fail to pay the citation you will be called before the Red Light Code Enforcement Magistrate to show cause. If you fail to appear, the magistrate may institute daily fines till you pay the citation, county costs, and any daily fines, these daily fines can be high to gain compliance. The County will also file a lien against your property.

Ribfest This Weekend

The St. Pete Ribfest is this weekend at Vinoy Park. It’s a pretty cool set up where you can try lots of different foods and hear live music, while enjoying the outdoors.

For those country fans out there, the Zac Brown Band is playing Sunday. There are a bunch of other bands there as well. Tickets are $10 in advance or $15 the day of the show. There’s other stuff that goes on there too, like BMX stunt shows. If anyone’s interested, CLICK HERE!

a something week - UPDATE

The Jammer vs Shocker game has decided to task itself with a food drive. So spread the word. Any personal email blasts, word of mouth and smoke signals would be much appreciated. We have a few food bank under consideration so let's hook them up. Standard canned food rules apply and if you would like to donate any other items, please post here. I will make sure they get to a proper source. Let's make it happen!!! It is the season of giving!!!

Some of the girls will be selling jello shots for a quarter. So make sure you have some change to get your "panhandle" on!!!

Christopher Walken performing "Poker Face"

I love this man....

Pretty Funny Video



His response

Monday, November 9, 2009

Yellabird Made A Promise

Yes, Yellabird made a promise. If the Bucs won, he had to put his ass print on someone's car. Sorry Chuckers...

Week 10 Matchups

Week 10

Week 10 link is above (and on the right of the blog). Ty sent an email... but I know most of you probably ignore links to www.kickball.com.

That website still sucks. Especially the team and captains tools.

Spread the word.

Power Rankings - Week 10

These are the last Power Rankings of the season. I hope you've enjoyed them over the past 10 weeks. Start filling out your brackets for the tournament. I'll post more info on that this Wednesday.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Alcoballics game recap


I dropped the ball as did Buchanan... Wakashame wins, buys us beer.



How's that Chan?

Reality Vs. Wormholes


***Warning I am the worst artist. But since the ref's and the ligers can't seem to get their shit straight, I figured I should make a rendition of the play in both reality and the Wormhole that has formed.***


Reality


Frame #1
You can see Alicia on her way to 2nd base. Chandler is the fielder with the ball about to tag the runner(me) out.

Frame #2
During the act of tagging the runner, Chandler loses the ball and it ends up near the Liger bench area. Alicia is clearly safe at 2nd base. Chandler scrambles to pick up the ball. Chandler returns the ball to the pitcher




Frame # 3 In Liger words. But while Alicia (God bless her soul) reached second base safely, someone on the Ligers said something to the extent of: "hey you gotta go back to first." With her unassuming and trusting nature, she begins to walk back. BAM! Christopher pegs her. Two outs. All the guys on BnD got instant erections.
UL = Unnamed Liger, who told Alicia to leave the base.

Frame #4 - All hell breaks loose. The 1st Calvary outflanks The Barbarians, The Huns are somehow involved. Ligers claim the pitcher never had the ball and someone else (2nd baseman, outfielder who ran in etc) hit Alicia.


The Wormhole everyone woke up in this AM


Frame # 1 - You can see Alicia on her way to 2nd base. Chandler is the fielder with the ball about to tag the runner(me) out. Pitcher is now making his way behind/toward 2nd base, because one 2nd baseman isn't enough? "and our pitcher had the ball... at second base." & "He was at second because he was backing up the throw."

Frame # 2 - During the act of tagging the runner, Chandler loses the ball and it ends up near the Liger bench area. Chandler scrambles to pick up the ball. Alicia is clearly safe at 2nd base, yet still Chandler guns the ball all the way from the sidelines to 2nd base in an attempt to get someone out who is already clearly safe, misses the 2nd baseman, the pitcher backing up 2nd base gets it.


Frame #3 - In Liger words. But while Alicia (God bless her soul) reached second base safely, someone on the Ligers said something to the extent of: "hey you gotta go back to first." With her unassuming and trusting nature, she begins to walk back. BAM! Christopher pegs her. Two outs. All the guys on BnD got instant erections.
UL = Unnamed Liger, who told Alicia to leave the base.

Frame # 4 - All hell breaks loose. The 1st Calvary outflanks the Huns, somehow The Barbarians are involved. Ligers now claim the pitcher did have the ball, and he pegged a girl who was walking 4 feet away.

Knowlton's response to "Read me if you want to live"

John Connor: "This is John Connor of the resistance. . . The war with Skynet ends tonigh- GOD DAMN IT I JUST SPILT SALSA ALL OVER MY NEW KHAKIS!"

"GOD DAMN IT!"

"FUCK!"

"I JUST FUCKING BOUGHT THESE!"

Barnes (Opening door): "Yo man, what's up?"

Connor: "I just spilt salsa all over my new fucking khakis!"

Barnes: "Oh man, those the ones you just bought - "

Connor: "Yeah! From fucking JC Penny. $19.99! Now I have salsa all over them! Fuck!"

Barnes: "Chill man, you are on the air. Everyone is hearing this - "

Connor: "I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!"

Barnes: "I am sure a little Resolve Spay n Wash will get all that right out."

Connor: "And where am I going to get that Barnes?!? We're living in the Apocolypes. You see any Walmarts around here?!? FUCK!"

Barnes: "What about that convenience store we found last week that was still stocked. I am sure we can find some there."

Connor: "What? That place that smelled like urine?!?! I am sure all the bottles there have piss in them. You're an idiot. FUCK!

(Connor accidently knocks over the plate of nachos and it shatters on the floor)

Connor: ". . ."

Barnes: "Don't sweat it, John, I'll get someone to clean that up. And we'll take care of those khakis - "

Connor: "No fuck all this. I am tired of this. Tired of this living underground shit. I am tired of Skynet. Fuck skynet. I am leaving."

Barnes: "Where you goin' man?"

Connor: "ANYWHERE BUT HERE!!! Maybe I'll go to Madagascar. Ever heard of Madagascar??? Some of your people are from there unless you've forgotten!"

Barnes: "Dude man, chill out. No need to get racial. We are all in this fight together - "

Connor: "No, FUCK YOU! FUCK SKYNET! FUCK EVERYONE. I am out of here!!"


Epilogue: Connor strips out of his khakis, stomps out into the open outside the base in his undies, and is immediately incenerated by a Hunter Killer.

War is over.

A few Douche verdicts

1. Tony was actually in shallow right field. If the Liger kicker hadn't stopped, Tony would have only gotten one out.
Verdict - Wash

2. None of the Your Mom girls know basic kickball strategy/base running more than they know a hole in the ground.
Verdict - Your Mom

2a. So having a player on Ligers say to a gullable ass girl "hey you gotta go back to first" so that you can tag her out when she begins to walk back to the previous base. Weak sauce.
Verdict - Ligers

3. "With her unassuming and trusting nature, she begins to walk back. BAM! Christopher pegs her."

Ohhhh... The pitcher had the ball and pegged her. And all along I thought it was Professor Plum with the Candlestick.

"15.01 Once the pitcher has the ball in control and retains possession on the mound, the play ends. Runners who
are off base at this time and in forward motion may advance only one base. Runners who are off base at this time and not in forward motion must return to the base from which they were running."

So during the game the Ligers lied about the play and who got whom out(At the time they said the pitcher never had the ball) so that they can technically get someone out, because if the truth was told technically the play was dead.
Verdict - Ligers


So in a reversal of fortune by a score of 2-1 The Ligers are in fact the bigger douches.

Congrats you get interchangeable attachments for those oh so hard to reach places.

Ligers Out-Douche Your Mom; 2-1

That cool, refreshing air you felt last night was actually emanating from the body cavities on Field D at 7pm. Sometimes your soul needs a cleansing. We find that a flow of medicated solution works best.

Here's how it went down:

With zero outs and a 1-1 game in the bottom of the 2nd, Bayshore President Christopher somehow managed to get on base with a nice line drive to left-center field. Liger Andy is up next, and kicks a high floater between first and second forcing Christopher to tag up. This normally wouldn't have been a big deal... but that kick went directly to Big-Tuesday-Thursday Tony.

Tony gracefully swats the ball to the ground... tags out Christopher... then steps on first base. BAM! Two outs. God and Asshole Catcher each kill one kitten.

The play which Tony executed flawlessly is also known as the "In-field Fly Play." It's controversial because unlike in baseball, there is no in-field fly rule. And there really can't be since kickballs tend to bounce everywhere and errors happen all the time. But when a player purposefully drops a ball to get two outs... you start venturing into "Founder's Cup territory."

A few seasons ago we discussed the idea of a "Douche Rule" due to the fear of becoming a Founder's Cup league. Each team would carry a red flag (just like in the NFL), and would throw it during any morally questionable play fit for Kanye West. After a long debate at the Captains Meeting, Tyrus "swine-flu" Gordon ruled that such a policy wasn't really enforceable, since douchiness is an opinion at best. He might have been right, but he still proceeded to drag the remainder of the meeting on for 2+ hours resulting in 8 Douche Flags being thrown at him.

Anyway... back to the game...

The Ligers were helpless and knew they couldn't argue an in-field fly. The balance of our social league hung squarely on the management of Your Mom. Alas, they remained quiet under the blanket of "Tony being Tony." Fair enough, said the Ligers. We don't get mad, we get even.

The very next inning Alicia kicks a perfect bunt towards third base and sprints for a single. With no outs, His Name is Bito comes to the plate looking for some RBI action. Having already kicked, I knew he was going to try to punch it down the first base line. And then it dawned on me... no outs... runner on first... dude up... hmm? So I look over at Bull on the sidelines and say "Hey! If he kicks it to me can I dial up the Douche Play?" "Fuck yes!" was his response.

On cue, His Name is Bito kicks a line drive to first... and I completely fuck it up. Instead of knocking it down with my hands, I went for the more melodramatic chest bump. This unfortunately caused me to kick it out of my reach and I could only get HNiB out at first. But while Alicia (God bless her soul) reached second base safely, someone on the Ligers said something to the extent of: "hey you gotta go back to first." With her unassuming and trusting nature, she begins to walk back. BAM! Christopher pegs her. Two outs. All the guys on BnD got instant erections.

A tiny bit of us died that night. I felt really bad for Yellabird who was reffing second... and was forced to honor our cheap retaliation. And for the first time in the new-Liger era, we refused to give out a Game Ball (kind of a subtle tribute to those who founded our league on fun... and not the bullshit that we rolled around in.) But I will say I giggled on the inside when some of the players on Your Mom yelled things like "Are you seriously going to get her out like that? What about the spirit of kickball? That's a douche move!" Really? Really? Don't get angry if you teabag us... and then we turn around and give you the Roman Helmet (def: While someone is passed out, gently and inconspicuously place your fleshy bag on their forehead while carefully laying your dudemeat down the bridge of their nose in parallel fashion).

So that's that. Frank won the picks with a perfect bracket and gets a drink from myself, Jared and Mike S. One more week of picks and then we'll do the tournament bracket betting like last year (probably for $3 or $5 each).

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Read me if you want to live
















The tp at the Gorecki residence wasn’t a Halloween prank. It was a tp terminator sent back in time to destroy the ding dong. Because not only does paper beat rock, it beats ding dong. What we did not account for was the propeller. The propeller created a ticker tape parade out of the tp-600. We lost that battle but the war is far from over.

If you are reading this, you are the kb resistance. We have been at war long before you were a kickball league, before MacDinton’s was your sponsor bar and before you couldn’t park east of Howard. The devil’s hands have been busy. Some variables have changed but what remains is SkyNet. As I write this, the future is changing but SkyNet remains. What little information we have we send back in time in hopes that the war in future is leveraged our way or that the war never starts. The Ding Dong is the life source for SkyNet. The propeller powers SkyNet when it goes online and becomes self aware. The Ding Dong is the key to past, present and the future.

Attacks on the resistance leaders must not go uncheck either. The abduction of the Liger Visor must not stand. SkyNet is using the visor as bait to bring back the Ding Dong. Chandler needs and uses the visor to watch scrambled porn. He keeps it below his eyes for protection. Those teeth alone cannot protect those eyes. If he cannot protect his face, he wont be tossing one securely in his home when SkyNet becomes self aware. He will be out visor shopping and playing golf when the machines attack, thus eliminating a key future member of the kb resistance. This cannot be allowed to happen. Secure the visor and return it along with a bottle of lotion.

The JN-800 tried to take out future resistance leader Ruben. First with its primary weapon, sexual advances but somehow this failed. In the future, the history we have, he never turned any female down, an incalculable statistic. After that failed, the JN-800 went to secondary weapons, throwing beers, scratching with lee press on nails and kicking with hooker heels. Ruben escaped with only a scratch. But the JN-800 is a relentless terminator prototype. Careful kb resistance, its tertiary weapons systems are a self destruct sequence. It will try and take down as many people as possible with one fatal sweep. Like its attempts to sue the league for gender bias, luckily that same programming yielding allowing a child to participate in thunderstruck with gatorade. Self imploding will be immanent.

The TY-1000 was sent back to disrupt the course of the kb resistance with bad negotiating and horrible field policy. Not an infantry model the TY-1000 disrupts the moral in hopes of breaking up the contributors, the future resistance. The one upside of the TY-1000 is it has to maintain the league thereby maintaining the creation and existence of the Ding Dong so the TY-1000 can be used for kb resistance purposes as well. We can use their technology against them. Don’t hesitate here or SkyNet wins.

We have seen that Rollo has started his tactical training. His time away now, will only serve you the kb resistance in the future.

Bito you need not worry who I send back in time and the semantics. Just know it is no coincidence that you question it, you are on a team called “your mom” and you are a future leader of the kb resistance. Your anteater squad becomes our elite infantry unit and your recipe for Bito’s Doritos feeds the resistance here in the future.

I must be careful what I tell you and whose role is whose because it could cause you to choose a different path but just know that SkyNet and the machines are relentless and you must continue to fight and stay the course, OR WE ALL DEAD!

This is John Conner and if you are reading this with a ZPT login, you are the kb resistance.

Picks Week 9