Thursday, December 17, 2009

Player Movements

Although DPT has known about this breaking news for about a week now... we're finally getting around to posting it. Why the delay? DPT is an old-school news organization. We're a little behind the times, and thus still have that respect and tact of the free press our founding fathers imagined. We wouldn't report that FDR was in a wheelchair... or that JFK was fucking bitches Tiger Woods style. As we evolve, I'm sure we'll catch up with TMZ...

But anyhoo....

Head Parking Attendant Tyrus is joining the Alcoballics!

That's right folks. The 'Ballics approved the one move which guarantees they won't win a back-to-back Crystal Pitcher awards (without voting for themselves like they did last season).

That's a joke.

Kind of.

I digress.

Other key moves this season (now confirmed by DPT) include:
Cathy -> limping away from Your Mom to the ToeJammers
Maria -> packing up her SoulGlo pudding shots and taking them to the Ligers
Amber -> giving TJ's the finger and putting on that Liiiiiiger Blue.
Flo -> still on the Flonettes
Rollo -> hurting Chandler's feelings by joining the Playground Bullies
Smithkey -> thankfully joining Ligers at the last second to replace Rollo (leaving Your Mom)
His Name is Bito (HNiB) -> pulling out of Your Mom to join the ToeJammers
Heather -> leaving the Liger Championship Flip-Cup team to flip for the ToeJammers
Brooke -> breaking up NKOTB to join THEE Beer Nuts

More to come later. Busy day at work for some reason...

**Update**
So apparently Ty has now decided not to leave his team. No word yet on why the flip-flopping. Stay tuned...

32 comments:

Ryan said...

Seems like a mass exodus from Your Mom.

Its only a matter of time before she is found here

Florian said...

Why am I listed in the player movement post. I'm staying with the team I was on before. Makes no sense.

Chandler said...

Because people need to know where you are, Flo.

YellowBird said...

LOL....

And I agree about the Ballics having zero chance of winning another CP w/ Ty.

Geoff said...

Since there won't be a Your Mom and there won't be NKOTB and there won't be whatever Ty's team was called... how many new teams will there be?

Hello Kimmy said...

Geoff.. 16 teams are listed.

Alcoballics
Toejammers
Ligers
WAKAShame
Shockers
Playground Bullies
Off Constantly
Team Fabulous
Yeagabombs
Top Shelf
Pick Me Up
Kicktease
Beer Nuts
Your Mom
Balls N Dolls
Newbies

However, Your Mom lists 6 players. Balls N Dolls lists 3. And the Newbies lists 2.

Florian said...

Off Constantly is Ty's team I believe and Superbad is no longer listed (assume they filled up) so we actually have 17 teams/groups trying to get in the league.

Only new team/group is the Newbies I believe since the Bullies are not really new.

Jack said...

Off Constantly is indeed the old NGtW. Ty ditched us with no warning, and we had to learn about the loss via the crack reporting staff (it looks like they're on crack, at least) here at the venerable (venereal?) DPT blog. Thanks, DPT for keeping the masses informed.

Griff said...

hmmm no confirmation about that team from Breaker coming over?
The Seminoles i think?

Maybe just a rumor I heard on PTI the other day?

Chandler said...

It is a rumor. Our street guys are looking into it. But apparently AlcoTyrus is giving them the password to have the entire team jump to Thursday and take a giant steamy dump on our FUN league.

Smithkey said...

They are too busy getting ready for the nobody gives a shit bowl and planning on what retirement home to stick Bobby in.

Florian said...

Think if people don't sign up by tomorrow (when there is open registration) they will be given the option to sign up. With the looks of a few of the old teams, they might be able to get in the league.

Surprised how slow people have been signing up this season as the league is usally full by now.

Chandler said...

Oh... and just remember... we always kid the ones we love.

Having said that...

We won't kid the Seminoles. Credible Tuesday people tell me they should have all been blow-jobs.

Geoff said...

Interesting... Bullies are back, cool...off constantly is Ty's old team, and newbies are new

I thought we only get 16 teams... where's that leave superbad and semen-oles?

Florian said...

I assume Superbad is already maxed out and thus they are not on the list anymore. They are set. It's the top 16 groups that get a team so if the seminoles get a chance to sign up and have more players than an established team, they get the spot.

At least that's how I understand the sign up process.

Chandler said...

Food for thought:

Depending on how mature the Bullies have gotten in their two seasons away from the league...

could we possibly have 3 douche-bag, whiny teams (Bullies, BnD, Seminoles)??

YellowBird said...

Looks that way and that's too many if you ask me.

Chandler said...

There is TOTALLY not going to be enough hate left over for the ToeJammers.

Sorry, Ruben. You guys are cool and loved now.

Ryan said...

Not so fast my friend...

Griff said...

Can't we do a Crusty Pitcher award or something for the anti-Crystal Pitcher team?

Whats the story with this Team Newbies? perhaps Seminoles in disguise? maybe Team U.S.A./Cox Soccer redeux?

RÜBS said...

i agree, not so fast!

Michelle said...

Superbad has been maxed out since the the 14th with a full team.

Maria said...

I guess it's good thing Amber and I moved on, looks like the Jammers got a whole new team going on...

But, luckily, Chris recruited me to keep bringing the pudding shots! :)

Red Headed Step-Child said...

Real classy Chandler!!!!

Chandler said...

haha. sorry, Amber. I'm just sayin'

Chris said...

Yes, pudding shots rule!

Jack said...

I'm disappointed, but not surprised, that you shot your wad a bit early, Brown. Ty is going to remain on the ever-improving Off Constantly team, where we will continue to put churlish, ignorant refs in their place when calls go against us. We piss in your "crystal pitcher."

Chandler said...

Hahaha. Did he change his mind due to our reporting? Does DPT have that much power???

Florian said...

Head out of the clouds Chandler!

Ryan said...

*crickets*

Geoff said...

Jesus! There's more flip-flopping going on than a Dave Mathews concert!

Nate Dawg said...

If the Seminoles came to our league Balls N Dolls would be thrilled cuz they would quickly take their title of most hated team in the league...