Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Red Rocket Report: Rockets Mercy Rule 'Kick in the Bollocks' 12-0, Dominate Competition to Win Theme Night Contest & $100 Bar Tab!



When L. Frank Baum wrote the Wizard of Oz in 1900, he probably didn't ever envision the lead character, a 12-year-old girl named Dorothy, ever being played by a "sexy on a stick" busty male 8-year-old wearing pantyhose and makeup. He probably also didn't envision the antagonist, an evil witch, being played by a ginger (not that he's racist... just sayin'). Nor did he ever dream up such a sexy female lion, athletic Tin Man and goofy ball/rhyme dropping scarecrow. Well, if Mr. Baum was alive today, I believe he would have an appreciation for the Rocket's character adaptation and spirited expression of his story. If not, Alicia would punch his sack, Toto would bite his ankle, Chandler would put a fist up his ass and Gorecki would probably drop the ball on his face. Not a pretty picture.

So the Rockets arrived in good spirits for their game tuesday night vs 'Kick in the Bollocks'. It was quite a show as the cast members started arriving one by one. All of the costumes were really outstanding. Everyone did a fantastic job putting theirs together. Not a single person punked out.

"Yeah, the participation was awesome," exclaimed Lollipop Guild member Brooke Britton. "So much that I was starting to get turned on and I was afraid I might just attack one of these sexy characters, but I slowed down counted to three and remembered Coach Griff's advice last week about thinking about baseball. It worked and I didn't rape or seduce a single teammate this week."

"All I know is that I wasn't paying $45 for a damn yellow brick road costume," explained Nate. "I've been feeling kinda sick. If it wasn't the theme night I might not have even come tonight. Well, if Hess wasn't in a dress and it wasn't theme night...no wait... shit, forget it. Where the f--k is my beer?!"

"I haven't been this excited about a theme since the Mexican/Border Patrol game a couple of years ago," said Dawson hicks, aka the Wicked Bitch of the West. "Except this one probably won't offend someone. Which is too bad I guess."

Some others were a bit more colorful. "I'd totally bang that flying monkey." declared Yellabird.



So after a couple of group shots, it was game time and Cathy was ready to attack. After getting out of a jam, the Rockets came up to kick in the bottom of the first. Without warning, they started off the night dry bareback. That's right, they proceeded to jam themselves up the ass of their opponent without any signature Anal Eaze lube. Oh the mercy.

This one got out of hand quickly. 11 batters, 7 runners followed the yellow brick road home, a couple of fireballs were thrown, flying monkeys attacked, numerous screams were heard, some blood was drawn, a pink sock appeared (will be explained later), one monstrous facial later... and this one was all but over.




This was the kind of inning the Rockets had been waiting for, a straight up ass raping that would make a gay black man blush. Afterward, it seemed like 'Kick in the Bollocks' just wanted to lay down in the fetal position. Feeling bad for doing so much damage to their poop chutes in the first inning, the Rockets applied some Anal Eaze and gently squeezed across 5 more runs in the next 2 innings. Without much of a fight, the Rockets got the Bollocks in that oh so familiar position and donkey punched them out of their misery. A third inning knockout win, 12-0.


After the quick disposal of another opponent, the Rockets put on a photo shoot. The 4 main characters all stood on the yellow brick road, aka Nate, and smiled arm in arm (after Mike showed Cathy how to do it, maybe she should have been the brainless scarecrow).












They tried to skip together but that didn't work.















Finally they got it down just striding together and finished it off with some jumping pics.












After picking up their gear, it was on to the bar for the competition.











There were a few teams that actually pulled off some kind of theme. The Bushwackers tried some kind of ER doctors and trailer trash theme. Drunk Again and Looking to Score made some nifty Cave Man attire a la Bam Bam from the Flintsones. And the Happy Endings went for a fun in the sun theme. Of course, none of these efforts stood a chance. The Kickball Society brass got together and awarded the Rockets a $100 bar tab. This reporter believes they would have preferred to give the award to a different team, but had no choice. The execution of the Rockets was insane and unlike any I've ever seen before. Every person was in a costume. The shit was almost flawless.









They even doused Dawson with water...















Causing him to melt.... hope Edith doesn't mind.











Here's a full cast breakdown:


Dorothy -- Yella





Scarecrow -- Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki





Cowardly Lion -- Cathy





Tin Man -- Griff





Wicked Bitch of the West -- Dawson





The Wizard -- Smith Key





Auntie Em -- Sarah B





Uncle Henry -- Chandler





Wicked Bitch of the East -- Alicia





Glinda the Good Bitch of the South -- Kristen





Tornado -- Andy the Girl Scout





The Yellow Brick Road -- Nate





Flying Monkey -- April





Lollipop Guild -- Brooke & Maria





Game/Evening Notes:


It was cold. Really cold if all you had on was a dress.



Gaspar's in Temple Terrace now marks the third bar I've been to that Bito took off his shirt. Do we need an intervention?





















The sex word for the week is "pink sock." A pink sock is when your having anal sex with your girl and at the the moment of climax, you donkey punch her unconscious, then pull out quickly leaving her colon inverted and thus resembling a pink sock. More common when no Anal Eaze is used. BTW, if you're reading this while eating lunch, Bon Apetit!




Maria made some tasty jello shots after a two week hiatus. :)









Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki won the Donkey Punch for finishing the game without dropping any balls (or rhymes unfortunately). This may have been the first time this year that happened. Could this be a trend? Doubtful. Vegas currently has him as a 3-1 underdog next week. Guess they expect him to drop at least one.












There's something about a man dressed as a woman that women really like. And I'm not sure it's the man.











There really is no place like home.














The Rockets now have accumulated $150 of bar tab at Gaspar's by winning every contest this season except one. Friday drunk lunch anyone?

The Rockets won without the services of Ruben, Mikey and Thunder.








Chandler won the Wendy when he became the first Red Rocket to ever walk a kicker in the 2nd inning. How bad did he pitch? Even Cathy didn't walk a batter.












Wearing a sports bra and pantyhose really sucks.

This week's 'Brooke Loves Yella's Karaoke Lyrics' is taken from Pat Benatar's 'Heartbreaker'

Your booty is like a tidal wave, shaking over my head
Drownin' me in your sexiness, better left unsaid
You're the right kind of stroker, to release my inner spermees
The invincible blower, and you know that you were born to be

You're a Nutbreaker
Jizz Maker, Skeet Taker
Don't you stop blowing me!
You're a Nutbreaker
Jizz Maker, Skeet Taker
Don't you stop blowing - NO NO NO!

14 comments:

Smithkey said...

Great recap as always yella and way to make this page NSFW with your "pink sock" cartoon. I must say the RRR are finally starting to live up to expectations. This week we played an almost flawless game both kicking and fielding (which we have had more then our fair share of problems). I was hesitate on the theme idea at first but I must say the costumes were impressive. Overall awesome night for the RRR and looking forward to getting plastered at the bar with that $150

Leone said...

The pink sock put it over the edge for you... eh, Smithkey? Not the talk about ass-raping, anal-ease and face-shots?

You're a man with conviction.

THE_Dawson said...

Costumes and Kickball, that's what RRR does!!!

Good all around showing last night. I think we made quite the impression on the league.(Do not know if it was a good one) There were a few "not these guys again" remarks as we gathered to collect our prize money, then chanted and danced our way back to the bar. It was fun interupting random games as I cruised through the fields on my broom. Bring on the slip n' slide next week!!!

Nice write up!!!

7-8-9...Bazinga!!!

April (tall) said...

Nice Recap... of course, I don't know if the Evil Monkey would bang Dorthy...

All & all, a great time with a bunch of great people.

Lions, and Tigers, and Red Rockets! Oh, my!

Maria said...

I'm not gonna lie, there were people in the crowd cheering for us to win. I mean, we put forth the effort and executed. They may not like us, but it's obviously because they want to BE us!!

Great turn out Rockets, Proud of you! BOOP!

YellowBird said...

That ass raping, facial shots and Anal Eaze are really par for the course, Cathy.

The flying monkey would totally do Dorothy.

Of course people hate us. We beat them at almost everything and then dance in front of them.

$150 should go pretty far at Gaspar's. Nobody wants to do a friday lunch there?

Nate Dawg said...

I would be worried that the "pink sock" would really be a "brown sock"...not cool by any means...but kinda hilar! Great write up as usually and I had a great time last night eventhough I was a little under the weather!

Michael said...

great writeup as always yella, and how prompt your were with this one this week! keep it up!

one thing the report omitted was how "kick in the bullocks" participated in a "dick in a box" theme and put on RRR logo all over their boxes. found that to be pretty funny!

M. Gorecki said...

oops signed uo under the wrong gmail account. people are gonna be like "who the hell is michael?" lol

Ryan said...

"See, I never just did things just to do them. Come on, what am I gonna do? Just all of a sudden take my shirt off and run around bars with my shirt off like it's something to do?

Come on. I got a little more sense then that"

Ryan said...

"Yeah, I remember taking my shirt off at Gaspars."

YellowBird said...

Cocaine is a helluva drug.

E-FLO said...

That recap was the best one yet Yella...PINK SOCK! AWESOME!

Smithkey said...

Yella- In regards to the $150 bar tab, I think we pretty much decided to get wasted with it after the last game of the season. That was the talk last night but I also think it would be nice to use after the tournament.