Thursday, February 25, 2010

Red Rocket Report: Rockets Receive "Manual Release" From 'Happy Endings', Leave Nice Tip On the Counter in 15-4 Win


Asian Massage Parlors are a great place to stop by thursday nights after leaving Macdintons. My favorite is the Bangkok Health Massage on Kennedy. The staff is friendly, courteous and usually very hands on. With the exception of Florian screaming loudly in the next room, the setting is nice, peaceful and relaxing. Depending upon your masseuse (and your wallet), I'd highly recommend the additional services available. Nothing caps off a night like a happy ending.

Except maybe 15 happy endings! Because that's how many the Red Rockets had tuesday night when they were serviced all night by the Happy Endings, a team of hospital workers by day and erotic masseuses by night. The 15-run money shot explosion was a team record in scoring and the 7-run first inning facial was a season high. To say this one got "out of hand" in the early going would be a gross understatement.




"We knew this one was going to feel good going in," exclaimed Nate Leighton. "Kinda get the same feeling when I pull into the parking lot of the Gold Spa on South Dale Mabry. Those plump ladies there sure know how to take care of their customers!















But not everyone likes them the way Nate does.













The rockets were hyped for this game. Probably more than any all season. Yella, April and a few others wore floaties. Dawson carried a boogie board. Ball/Rhyme Dropping Gorecki wore a grass skirt and bikini top. Numerous Rockets wore board shorts and Andy was sporting some interesting breast implants.

"They're real," she declared. "And they're spectacular!"









With 788 water balloons (give or take a few) present, this game set a record for most water balloons used in a kickball game. Below is a slow motion demonstration how the evening went for the Happy Endings.



And you ladies think you've taken serious facials before.

Back to the game.

After loading the bases in the first, Coach Griff booted a deep fly, rounded the bases and went down the slip 'n slide for the first grand slam of the season. This sent the Rockets into a frenzy and he was throw into the air 3 times. This would be almost all the offense the Rockets would need to win, but like Ron Jeremy, they didn't stop after that facial and kept on going.

The Rockets set records for runs, hits, total bases, balloons tossed, wetness, filth and even went through an entire bottle of Anal Eaze, which was a first.



"It's a good thing they're a team sponsor this season," explained Yellabird. "I went into debt buying case after case of that stuff last year and I was afraid I might have to dig into my personal stash this season. Just my opinion, but after about 10 minutes it's hard to tell if your partner is even wearing it."




Kudos to the Happy Endings. They just kept taking it all night and smiling all along. I think they may have even enjoyed it. How bad of an ass pounding was this? At one point the game was stopped due to the ref losing count of how many runs the Rockets scored. Five years of playing kickball, that was a first.

Unofficially the Rockets had the game scored 17-3, but after reviewing his Vegas bet of taking the Happy Endings (+12), Matt decided to do some creative score keeping and officially called it 15-4.

"We just didn't want to donkey punch them right away," explained Mike Smith Key. "We'd rather just keep the game going, get some more at bats and put on some more Anal Eaze."




The Rockets saved the donkey punching for at the bar. Due to his missing about 4 obvious calls, Griff donkey punched Matt.













After waking Matt up from the first donkey punch, it was Cathy's turn.













The final tally:

Red Rockets Reloaded 15
Happy Endings 4
Anal Eaze 100
Water Balloons 788


Other Game/Evening Notes:



Completely fed up with the lack of hot talent in Temple Terrace, Brooke decided to try wearing prescription strength beer goggles at the bar. DPT has no official word on if it helped.










Gaspar's "Catch of the Day" Nuggets taste like rubber.

The Sex Word/Phrase for the week is "the Windy City Surprise." The Windy City Surprise is when you get your girl in the sixty-nine position and right before she orgasms you release a long silent, but windy fart with your ass in her face blowing her hair back. Bonus points awarded if she finishes her orgasm without coughing.




Griff won the Donkey Punch for clearing the bases in the first inning with a grand slam.











Yella, Griff, Rubs and Dawson stayed undefeated in slip 'n slide games improving to 5-0-1 all time.








Cathy helped put together a shot that was called 'pooh in the pool.' They were tasty. April really savored the flavor of the pooh as seen here.

















For making some ridiculously bad calls that seemed to make me think he had money riding on the game, the Wendy was awarded to Kickball Society referee Matt S. It was the first time the award was not given to a Red Rocket. It was well deserved.










Here's a summary of Matt's misses.

- Reversed what appeared to be a clean home run by Chandler (probably the only one he's ever kicked before) by saying he kicked in front of the plate

- Missed an obvious out when a ball hit a runner near 2nd claiming he was screened from the play and thought the ball hit a rocket player when the nearest one was 10 feet away

- Missed two blatant 'munts.' When questioned about it he resorted to kickball rules claiming he cannot deviate from how the rule is written.

- Had the game scored differently than the Rockets by 3 runs and even stopped the game to compare his score against Griff's.



This week's 'Brooke Loves Yella's Karaoke Lyrics' are taken from Shania Twain's "Who Bed Have Your Boots been Under?"


Whose lips have your balls been under?
And whose mouth did you f--k I wonder?
This time did it feel like thunder, baby?
And did she swallow too?
And whose tits have you been kissin'?
And whose mouth did you make a mess in?
Is she the one that you've been jizzin' in, baby?
Well whose lips have your balls been under?


BTW, I wrote this entire post Bito style, standing in the kitchen completely nude.

Boom, visual inserted!

13 comments:

Geoff said...

longest post ever

Smithkey said...

Great recap and one of the funnest kickball games I have ever played in. By the way Kev, my last name is all one word.

Griff said...

LOL great job, Yella!
Classic lurk while i'm donkey punching Matt...

Wayne said he was going to enlist Ruben to edit some of the videos he took of the game. I heard the "tale of the tape" on Chandler's HR is on there...or at least see our celebration caught on video...INSTANT CLASSIC!

Griff said...

Oh and what about the "Dirty Doda"? LOL

Ryan said...

Edit: I eat/drink while standing nude in the kitchen.

I write shit fully clothed

April (tall) said...

Water Balloon Smack Down! By the way, that Windy City Surprise really stinks!

Nate Dawg said...

LOL!!! I have a stern "No Fat Chicks" policy...been standing by it for 29 yrs running...

Chandler said...

It's a health hazard, Nate.

Simple weight ratios.

Sorry, fat chicks.

M. Gorecki said...

Yella a lurker? NEVER!

Now if only kickballsociety.com would be as prompt as you posting updates!

Chandler said...

the bullshit stats and analysis we do on this site 12 hours after WAKA games... is a million times better than the quality of information and speed of posting at Kickball Society.

just sayin'

YellowBird said...

Glad you have standards, Nate.

Is the Dirty Doda similar to the Dirty Tebow? Please explain.

My bad, Bito. I was naked. Close enough.

SmithKey.... my bad.

I lurk, therefore I am.

Nate Dawg said...

Like Chan said its all about weight ratio's...I can handle only so much...sorry fat chicks...at least black guys still love you...lol what?

Brooke said...

the Dirty Doda almost occurred Tuesday night when Doda was slip-sliding into home and Griff was so close behind her that he almost slip n slided into her resulting in a Dirty Doda.