MLoop Speaks; Grammar Weeps.

Despite the multiple emails sent by new Bayshore Division Rep Erik, WAKA decided to call in the "big guns" today and have MLoop take a stab at increasing the pathetic registration numbers.  Usually by now, Bayshore is sold out with 16 teams and 380+ players.  But this year (for some reason unbeknownst to me) there are only 7 groups signed up with only one containing the required 18 people.  O' how the mighty have fallen.

So in case you didn't get this email (like myself) here it is below.  I've highlighted a few lines that I'll discuss in a bit:

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Hello WAKA Kickballers:

Our holiday season pricing discount is still effect, but ends soon.
Register now to play in the winter 2011 season for the FL Bayshore division in Tampa and take advantage of teh $10 discount.
Registration for the Tuesday night Breaker division opens in January.

Details:
Season Start Date: February 10th
Registration Close Date: As soon as the spots are gone, we work on a 1st come 1st served basis.
Game Nights: Thursday evenings at 7 & 8pm rotating weekly
Season length: 8 week season plus a Saturday morning/afternoon tournament.
Field Location: Police Athletic League.- 1924 W Diana Street Tampa, FL
Fees: $62 per player(early registrants only) includes team shirt, field equipment, and parties, lots more.

How to register:
Go to www.kickball.com/flbayshore
Read the entire info section carefully and register by clicking the blue register logo on the right side of the page.

Important:
If you want to return to the team you played on last season, make sure when you register to pick that group.

If you want to play on a team with your friends, make sure the 1st one who registers creates a “group” and everyone else who registers joins that group . (Otherwise you will end up elsewhere and will not be able to switch later) Groups are not guaranteed to become teams and may be merged with others to form teams.

If you are an individual just register as an individual and you will be placed on a team.

Division Bar:
The Bayshore division is proud to call MacDintons home of the WAKA special $1 beers our home away from home again.

Miscellaneous:

WAKA does not issue refunds once you register.
Game schedules may change due to circumstances beyond our control.
We also play on some holidays. The current schedule is posted on the division website.

TO UNSUBSCRIBE - REPLY BACK WITH THE WORDS "REMOVE ME" IN THE SUBJECT LINE

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Holy shit.  We've already put MLoop through our Customer Service Training Program, so why not grade his writing?  Let's do this:

1. "...is still effect" is missing a key word.  I guess MLoop gets props for using the correct effect/affect.
2. "Teh" is a common typo of "the," and is really only used on purpose through internet slang.  I highly doubt Michael was using leetspeak, so it boggles my mind how he didn't spell-check his email. Or... maybe he did.
3. "1st come 1st served" should really be typed out.  It's a cliché phrase, not a statistical quote.  This is an official company email, MmmBop.  Please take the time to write the word "first."
4. The games rotate weekly between 7 and 8pm?  No they don't.  Game nights always start at 7pm.  Individual team's kickoffs will be one or the other... but even that isn't evenly rotated.  Plus, it's looking like WAKA can fit the entire league into one time-slot.
5. While this isn't a grammatical error, I'm very curious as to what falls under "lots more."  How about medals for field set up?  Considering that Bull, Souder and I set up almost EVERY field weeks 1-7 last year, I want that damn medal I was promised.
6. Put the period AFTER the parentheses.
7. You sure as Hell can switch your teams after registration.  It happens all the time, every season.  And WAKA really shouldn't be in the business of making strict rules these days.
8. Souder already touched up on the horrible sentence about MacDinton's and the ridiculous number of times "home" is used.  But listen up, WAKA people.  MacD's offers $1 Miller Lites to ANYONE who walks in the door on Thursday.  It is NOT a special for WAKA players.  Any other kickball league can head to that bar and annoy the shit out of you one dollar at a time.  Coincidentally, GoKickball has already gotten a $1 beer special offer from another SoHo bar on Thursdays.  In one week of sponsorship discussions, it's painfully obvious to me how little effort our WAKA reps put into finding us the best deal possible.
9. I'm assuming "circumstances beyond our control" refers to lightning strikes, which will probably shorten the WAKA season to 5 games. 
10. I still love how WAKA now puts the "remove me" option at the end of their emails.  Since when has that ever been an issue?  Hopefully all of you see how an organized group can force change just by holding our vendors responsible.  Using their services is our right, and their privilege.  Bullying and taking customers for granted should never be rewarded.

Brie pointed out to me this morning that when she was hired on as Breaker's rep, MLoop always stressed to proof-read each email carefully (due to the number of recipients).  Yet the emails from Michael and Erik are nothing but laughable.  Get your shit together, WAKA.  Remember how popular and widely used AOL was? Or Myspace?

I had a decent conversation with Jonathan Korb three weeks ago, and Alison talked to him last week about her banishment.  I'll do an analysis of that later if anyone is interested, but currently I'm spending my designated kickball time volunteering for the new league.  So if anyone has concerns or questions, let me know.