Monday, February 21, 2011

Ligers Win Again; GKB Under Investigation

The conspiracy theorists are scrambling to uncover why the Ligers (and Beer Nuts, for that matter) keep winning.  We already have the long list of:  "aliens built the pyramids", "Roosevelt allowed the Pearl Harbor attacks to happen," "Teneille is actually a white chick doing a Rhodes Scholar project about attitudes towards Jamaicans," "Mellow Yellow makes your dick shrink," and "Taylor Swift used to be a porn star."

(That last one was a shout-out to the hundreds of people who find DPT each year by searching for "Taylor Swift Porn."  I don't know why that is such a popular search query.)

Anyway, now we have the "Ligers wanted to switch leagues so they'd win more games" theory.  Complete nonsense, but still crazy that the Beer Olympics next week will feature the undefeated Ligers and Beer Nuts.  Any actual analysis of the 5-3 beating of Pitches be Crazy would show it was all due to a dominating one-strikeout performance by Knowlton.  Fresh off his pseudo-suspension from Kickball Society, Knowlts brought the tickles and kept the opposition from ever threatening victory.  When asked about the orchestrated magic on the pitcher's mound, Liger veteran Maria commented: "Knowlton is an ass-clown. I really fucking hate that guy."  Now that is some team spirit!  Knowlty Poo was awarded his first ever Game Ball... which he accepted by immediately sprinting off to the parking lot and ruining the celebration.  What a dick.

The play of the night happened at Yard of Ale, by Balls and Dolls all-star "The Todd."  Mr. Todd wandered away from WAKA's post-game evening to personally check out some hot GKB action.  Upon entering the Yard, chants of "Todd Todd Tood!" erupted from the patrons.  Getting caught up in the moment, Todd ripped his BnD shirt off his chest, exposing a rather surprising array of chiseledness.  But as the ladies were flocking over, a bouncer grabbed Todd and threw him out for the whole "you must have a shirt on" nonsense. It was a pretty funny chain of events, and thankfully Grifter loaned Todd a shirt so he could re-enter the bar.

The next night a few of us went to the Ozzy Osbourne concert. While whatever band he has now was spot-on, Ozzy is just old and can't carry the same energy (but not for a lack of trying).  Basically, at times he sounded like Off Constantly singing his hits at karaoke. So I'm personally challenging the OC to sing us some Ozzy (I suggest "Mama, I'm Coming Home").  I'll buy everyone on stage (up to four people) a round of beers.

Once again I've heard of a few rules issues with the refs.  While I do my best to compile and share these with Johnny, remember you can always contact him directly at: tampa@gokickball.com.  Any feedback we give will help make our league better, and I promise you he won't ban you for your opinion.

3 comments:

Jack from Off Constantly said...

We at the OC invite other teams to join us in singing karaoke. We feel that the bar turnout was weak in general last week, and would like to see that change. The first week there was that one girl who went off on karaoke. The OC applauds her for her efforts, and encourages others to emulate them.

And we'll find some people to cover Ozzy. Does his Black Sabbath stuff count?

Chandler said...

Sure. Black Sabbath counts.

trinihic said...

Bite me Chan Chan... Wait until we play you!!!