Thursday, April 19, 2012

Picks - Week 10

Best commentary gets a date with Jacked Up. The entire team.

Shits closed.


29 comments:

Chandler said...

Sockers - Two teams searching for a return to glory. Of course, in Rob's mind, the Shockers never left the "glory hole." They're still in it. Hanging out. Hoping someone comes along and notices. Perhaps they should move to a different stall? Shockers win a heated, sophisticated battle.

Pitches - It's going to take a few weeks for the tests to come back regarding Anne's gender. PbC might join the ranks of the winless if it's proven that their guy/girl ratio was wrong all season. Until then, PbC will bounce-pitch the shit out of GB&D, as they tuck away another victory.

Supa - Illegal-Pitchgate is far from over. After GKB "enforced" their rules on paper... nothing changed on the field. I'm predicting that to be different come tourney day. Maybe. Depends on what Jess decrees. She's like Catherine the Great... but without all the unfounded horse-sexing rumors.

Jamz - The Jammers will show up with four girls, but two won't be on their roster. Of course, Nate won't have any way to prove this. And as the Jammers go on to win 6-0... Nate will be left to dream of discarded forfeit victories.

YLL - After finishing their season with all chump teams, YLL is going to have a hard time re-adjusting in the playoffs. But whatever! Live it up while you can! HBHT soon changes their name to "Honey Badgers Shit That."

Ballics - Dysfunctional game of the week! Where to begin?

The 'Ballics got a little butt-hurt when Kyle called them out on 1) arguing all the time 2) not going to the bar 3) sucking at kickball 4) acting cliquey. The Ballic Board of Directors feels it's an internal matter that probably shouldn't even be discussed internally (PROTECT THE SHIELD!!!). But chaining your issues to the radiator in the basement isn't going fix anything.

Then you got the Ligers, who are probably more messed up than their rivals (for different reasons). After last weeks' piss-poor attendance to the biggest game of the year, the Ligers' GM officially ran out of fucks. So Shocker Todd has been promoted to line-up and defense duties. Of course, he immediately attempted to pass the buck without doing one ounce of actual work. So that brings us to the game prediction:

The game will start late due to the Ligers not having a line-up or defensive schedule. The 'Ballics will begin to chant "forfeit" in unison, which ironically will be the first time this season they've come together as a team. And Kyle probably won't be there to see it.

The Ligers will give up 3 runs in the first inning due to defensive chaos caused by lack of planning. On offense, I imagine someone (probably not Huffman) will eventually take the line-up sheet and fill it out. But pop-outs continue due to the lack of motivational speeches. Final score: Ballics win 5-0, in 5 innings due to the late start.

But let's not allow the deteriorating Ligers to take away from a milestone accomplishment. Gorecki recently competed in a triathlon... but he's also attempting to complete the "Gorecki Trifecta" in his 6th straight game! In order to obtain a "Gorecki Trifecta" (Goreckifecta?), you must 1) argue a call 2) pop-out and 3) commit an error (during the game or while base coaching). Let's all root him on!

Nate Dawg said...

Gonna be tough to beat that...Chan looks like you got yourself a date with the girls from Jacked Up...

Chandler said...

We'll see what tomorrow brings. I think the dudes are joining the date too.

!! HOT TUB PARTY TODD !! said...

Chandler, Thanks for bringing out the “In-House” again….

Shockers – should be a good sparring, but let’s get real everyone, Shockers are the sleeper this season.

Pitches – GB&D puts up a good fight since it is an early game and they have time to put in the effort before going home to tuck in the grand-kiddies. PBC, After switch kicking the full game to have an even match, .

Supa – Looks like it wasn’t just Mikey playing for them last year that made them unstoppable. And after JU’s best guy dislocated everything last week…. Wait no reason to talk about any dudes on their team…

Jamz – Isn’t this Beer-Jam? Don’t matter what it called, they already won whatever.

YLL – GO GREEN! HBST – good one Chandler, I’m surprised that hasn’t made it out sooner, you’re getting slow on the quips, my friend.

Ligers –. game of the week! Where to begin?

Ive lost enough on betting against/ with the Ligers, it doesn’t matter anymore .
look for my tale of the tape. Nuff said. Oh, and a balls ‘n dolls defensive configuration & strategy.

DanPBC said...

Since I'm short on clever lines I call 1st Base umpire for the game!

Shockers<---Angry at life
PBC<---Deek sweat/Up or under tuck?
SuperBad<---douches
TJs<---I call the right fielder
YLLINAD<---Long Name
LIGERS<---dysfunctional

Smooty said...

Shockers
PBC
Superbad
ToeJammers
YLLINAD
Ligers

Mabancroft said...

Growlers v Shockers

In a near end of season rule change effort, Catherine the Great pulls out all the stops in an attempt to get her team the W. In spite of enforcing new rules such granny style pitching and 3 legged races on the base paths, Shockers still win this one and we finally see the end of all GoKB rule changes for this season. At least until the tourney.

PBC v GB&D

After working their way through some of the douchiest pitching the league has to offer, GBD finally feels like they have the hang of this kickball thing. In steps PBC and shows them how real douches pitch. In spite of this, GBD manages to score a run in the first inning. Unfortunately, due to the excitement of taking a lead for the first time this season, the entire bottom half of their lineup goes into cardiac arrest and GBD is allowed (imagine the backlash on FB and DPT if PBC forces a forfeit in this situation) to play shorthanded the rest of the game. Deeks kicks a home run (or 2 or 3) and PBC wins.

Jacked Up v Superbad

With the rumors swirling of a potential wet t-shirt game coming next week how can CJ possible concentrate on the mound? With visions of titties and hooking up the non racist Jacked Up girls swirling in his head, CJ comes out off his game (literally and figuratively). Once he realizes he doesn't have a shot in hell, he returns to douchey pitching and carries SB to the W.

Jammers v Beer Nuts

To ensure that the Jammers have enough girls to play this week, they have asked TAHM to dress like one "just in case." He already kicks and throws like a girl, so he may as well be useful and dress like one too. With all their lady problems solved (well, most of them anyway) Jammers bounce back for the win.

HBHT v YLL

The pitcher for HBHT is quickly working his way into the ranks of douche pitch all time greats. This is in spite of Franks best efforts to correct his douche pitch last week by yelling at him (he still can't hear you Frank). Greenies welcome in this new douche pitcher, and give him a lesson in kickball excellence. YLL wins.

Ligers v Ballics

In a match up that the DPT media has hyped up due to the "in-house" drama being released to the public, this promises to be a clusterfuck of a game. In spite of all blue on blue (and red on red) violence that is sure to go down, Alison manages to slip away from the family feud long enough to find Chandler, kick him in the balls, and remind him he was still out at first against the Jammers. With Chandler and the chunt on the DL, the Ballics manage to pull out the win.

Chandler said...

I'm wearing my cup tonight...

Litman said...

SHOCKERS
PBC
SUPER
JAMMERS
ABCDEFG
LIGERS
NO COMMENTARY.

Mabancroft said...

Ballics still win.

CLIFF said...

Smooty...you picked against your own team. For that you are benched...oh wait you haven't left the bench since Week 2.

Maybe Chandler will be nice and let you attend his date with Jacked Up.

See you at the fields.

RÜBS said...

is there an echo in here?

JD said...

Shockers over Growlers
Pretty sure a Shocker always takes a Growler....need a ruling from Todd. Shockers get into an arguement over chugg-off rules with Jess and all hell breaks loose. Jayda and Jess throw down and we all win.

PBC over Guys & Balls
Pretty amazing that Seiler is running the one team that has its shit together and is controversy free. Unfortunately he had to flee the country and has given Dan his first taste of authority. His lineup will be Alicia, Michelle, Alicia again, Marvin (hasn't played in 4 seasons), Asian John (living in Australia) and Alicia kicking lefty. Luckily we have Anne on the mound with her now infamous slow, straight pitch that has the league on lockdown.

SuperBad over JackedUp
CJ will have trouble pitching with a sticky ball after a little premature action on the mound. Frank will have trouble running after getting dick-smacked by Sandra for learing. Rubs will be asked to leave the field repeatedly after being reminded he doesn't play for either team. JackedUp loses, but wins the tournament after no other team is allowed within 200 yards of the field following their restraining orders.

TJ's over Beer Nuts
TJ's need to borrow 3 of the Beer Nut ladies, so they can have 4. The Beer Nut ladies agree, but only if they can wear full body armor to protect them from Rubs. TJ's still win.

YLLLLLL over Honey Badgers.
HBHT has a few good players, but no clue what they are doing. I also enjoyed Frank spending the whole game yelling "illegal pitch" to their deaf pitcher.

Ligers over Alcoballics
Key matchup from 2008. Kind of like watching the Bills play the Dolphins and remembering when the games mattered. Litman wins it with a walk-off.

Nate Dawg said...

Shockers over Growlers…
Growlers won’t even have a chance to “Beer Nut” this one away…things get away from the Growlers in inning 1 and continue to spiral for the rest of the game.

PBC over GB&D
Not sure that Old Balls would have even have had enough to play as most of them will just be finishing up dinner at Bob Evans at 6:30 but since Johnny has moved the start times back to 6:45 they make it just in time for Anne to strike out 21 and to pitch the first ever perfect game in GKB history.

Supa over Jacked Up
Douchey pitching, loud music, lots of runs for Supa, none for Jacked Up and tons of “hype-ness”. Supa wins big.

TBN over Jammers
I totally expected Matt and Christian to be dressed as girls for tonight’s game and Matt has now confirmed half of that prediction. This game will probably need some of the same heroics from last year but I am going against the grain with a TBN win and retention of the BeerJam belt.

Greenies over HBHT
With douchey pitching still not truly being enforced by the league HBHT has no shot against the best pitcher in the league and their stingy defense.

Ligers over Ballics
Bloods vs. Crips? Would be a great theme for these two teams as this has been a long time rivalry with both teams loving to hate the other or "hate hate hate" on the other. Chandler and the Ligers “crip walk” all over the Ballics…esp if Peter is there twisting up his fingers.

Jess said...

Busy day at work again and I'm not that interested in fucking the Jacked Up girls. Catherine the Great pronounces the following:
Shockers
PBC
Superbad
Jammers
YLL
Ballics

Chandler said...

But slightly interested?

Smooty said...

Cliff, I picked us last week against the Ballics against my better judgement (Ballics always win in the regular season, never in the playoffs). So this time I'm doing some "Reverse Mojo". Growlers win tonight, but I'm still picking the Shockers.

Nate Dawg said...

IRL!!! Jess' comment "I'm not that interested in fucking the Jacked Up girls...so you're saying there's a chance...

Nate Dawg said...

Cliff and Smooty...Growlers still lose tonight...and probably TBN too...and probably the Ligers too...at least we got YOA...

Chandler said...

Drinks are on Nate tonight!!!

Nate Dawg said...

I'll give everyone a drink from all the assholes that have not bought me a drink from picks this season...except you Chan. I will personally buy you a beer bc you have bought me beers at the bar.

Chandler said...

Word. I pay my debts. Granted I've only owed 4 drinks all year.

I'm pretty sure Natalie still owes a ton.

Nate Dawg said...

Good man...it sometimes takes me a while but I do too haha. Pretty sure Litman owes me a few of those 20 beers that he has owned this season. Todd too.

Fat Kid said...

Shockers
PBC
Supa
Jam
Green Team
Ligers

work sucks....

Chandler said...

Don't forget Alison. That ho ho never pays her debts!

Nate Dawg said...

I actually bought her a beer last week...wasnt expecting one in return though.

FRANK said...

SHOCK
PBC
SUPA
TJ
YLL
BALLICS

NUFF SAID.. Always wanted to say that.

Alison said...

Growlers v. Shockers
The game starts off with tea and crumpets but gets out of hand when Catherine The Great realizes that some of her team isn’t sticking their pinky out and a few dared to show up with clip on bowties. Horses get tossed around and people are crushed in what can only be called collateral damage. Catherine The Great just smiles. With the sophistication train off track the Shockers are able to sneak one into their Growler and take the game.

Guys, Balls & Dolls v. Pitches Be Crazy
Battle of…. Well, not really a battle. More like a massacre here. Anne is awesome. That is all.

Jacked Up v. SuperBad
Anyone who likes the Jacked Up girls will surely not want to miss this matchup. With the hippity hop music blaring, Supa bringing the fun, and the Jacked up girls being hot and single, it could surely turn into a grinding dance party. You’ll get bounced the F out if you try to touch, though. That behavior only belongs in the champagne room.

ToeJammers v. THEE Beer Nuts
I’m picking the Jammers to win but I’m not happy about it. The following people are on my Shit List:
Ruben: for making Jess gouge her eyes out. They were so nice.
Griff: cluttering his TOTT with facts like batting averages and stuff. I don’t want facts. I want hate, rabbling, and airing dirty laundry!
Jacob: you know why.

Beer Nuts: we’re still good.

Honey Badgers Hit That v. You Look Like I Need A Drink
Honey Badgers continue to improve but not in enough time to take down the Greenie Weenies this week. I’m sure they’re not really weenies but I don’t have any other background info on them to work with so I’m forced to resort to rhyming. HBHT Kyle threw a pretty sweet egg hunt last weekend—glad to see them becoming social with the league. It helped prepare them for a beating by the greenies when Chandler showed them where to take that weak ass flip-cup shiz they brought to the table.

Ligers v. Alcoballics
No theme game this week but it will look like the Crips and Bloods are taking the fields as tensions are running high between these two teams. Get ready for a reality show smackdown as the Alcodashians attempt to take down The Real Liggers of Tampa Bay. Expect a whole lot of head shaking, finger snapping, and ‘oh no, you ditint’s’ during this game. I mean… if Alex just hadn’t talked trash about Bethany, and Joe hadn’t cheated on Teresa… oh, wait. Nevermind. Big brother watches. No one gets roses. Both teams are banned from the Crystal Pitcher eligibility this season for being THAT team.

Alison said...

Step off, Chan Chan! I seek people out to buy them the beers I owe when I lose the picks. Might need that cup after all…