Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Picks Week 5

Do it. Or don't. *shrug*sulk*whine*


Alright, looks like Alison and Rferlopes (sorry dude, don't know your name) "owe some drinks". But I could be wrong, I did this in like 3 mins. I'm not even really sure who won the games.


20 comments:

rferlopes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rferlopes said...

growlers
PBC
Ligers
Thee beer nutz

Paul said...

growlers
ballics
superbad
tbn

Jess said...

Y'all...the whole point of Picks is to write funny commentary. No one actually cares who you think will win games

Paul- I'll let you slide since you do Power Rankings.

Chandler said...

The apple don't fall too far from the tree.

Nate Dawg said...

Growlers - possible perfect game alert from Mike on the Growlers. Freeballers have no shot as the Growlers extend their dominance over our league. Next week TBN will attempt to blemish their record...or at least see Matt or Robert re-tear something...

Ballics - No idea what this team brings weeks to week, the only constant is when Gorecki shows they get killed. I haven't heard of any rumblings of him coming down from Shitlanta and they will be able to overcome Deeks' 2 HR's with their solid kicking.

Ligers - *Game of the Week* Superbad continues its downward spiral as CJ's pitching isnt as dominate as it has been in past years. Drew takes a line drive to the face as he is daydreaming about Kentucky losing to Robert Morris.

TBN - TBN rebounded after a tough loss to Superbad with an ass beating of one of the new teams. Another new team in consecutive weeks should give Thee Beer Nuts some more batting practice before next weeks game vs the league's juggernaut.

Happy Jess? I mean its not great but at least I'm trying...kinda

rferlopes said...

Growlers - all i now is they kicked the shit out of us.. so.. they should have the other team have a theme to make them dress like kentucky wildcats cause they are going to get their assess kicked.. plus i did see deeks kicking over the beers at home plate last week.. hahahaa

PBC after last week.. we will win since i wont be there...

Ligers.. toss up.. just because they are blue and they may lose since they will have some kind of personal birthday party or bull shit self centered thing going on that doesnt include anybody..

TBN> like the other team even knows what game they are playing..

rferlopes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jess said...

<3 Nate <3

Smooty said...

Growlers over FreeBallers
This shit ain’t even finna be close!!! Even if the Growlers contracted Feline Aids, Canine Herpes, Equine Syphilis, Bovine Gulf-War-Syndrome or any other shit made up by Paul, we would still win this one going away. And yes, I’ve had all of the ailments listed above. I’ve made sweet, sweet love to Stoney’s too many times I guess.

Alcoballics over PBC
I’m going to pick the Ballics the rest of the season. They *have* to eventually win one when I pick them, right? Seriously, it’s getting ridiculous. So, now that I picked the Ballics, PBC will turn it on. Deeks should blast about 4 home runs. PBC’s third baseman (the one who wants to have Cliff’s babies) will throw everyone out at first. God is against me.

Tie between Ligers and Superbad
Yeah, that’s right: New season, new rules. I’m picking a fucking tie and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not like anyone pays anyone else their beers anyways. By the way, the only two people who responded to my picks last week were Chandler and C.J. The responses were pretty weak, but I’ll buy you both a beer anyway (would have done it last week but didn’t go to the bar, because I left my wallet at home like a dumbass). Next time I give out an extra credit assignment, you should “WOW” me with things like “Magic, “Unicorns” & “Feline Aids”. Seriously, tighten up.

TBN over OAF
TBN should destroy OAF (Overcoming Any Fun). I’m guessing that these two teams combined will have 7 people at the bar afterwards. The funny thing is, the Beer Nuts will have 9 total people at the bar. So yeah, do the math… OAF will have exactly negative 2 people at the bar. That’s how “un-fun” they are. Truthfully, do they ever go out? I’m honestly not sure… I’m just picking on them because everyone else does. That’s how I roll.

EXTRA CREDIT
One free drink to whomever can tell me the true (and by true I mean completely fake) story of how Stoney’s came to be.

Nate Dawg said...

Johnny's wife is on OAF but he makes her stay home while he crushes hamburger pizza.

!! HOT TUB PARTY TODD !! said...

Growlers over FreeBallers
This shit ain’t even finna be close!!! Even if the Growlers contracted Feline Aids, Canine Herpes, Equine Syphilis, Bovine Gulf-War-Syndrome or any other shit made up by Paul, we would still win this one going away. And yes, I’ve had all of the ailments listed above. I’ve made sweet, sweet love to Stoney’s too many times I guess.

Alcoballics over PBC
I’m going to pick the Ballics the rest of the season. They *have* to eventually win one when I pick them, right? Seriously, it’s getting ridiculous. So, now that I picked the Ballics, PBC will turn it on. Deeks should blast about 4 home runs. PBC’s third baseman (the one who wants to have Cliff’s babies) will throw everyone out at first. God is against me.

Tie between Ligers and Superbad
Yeah, that’s right: New season, new rules. I’m picking a fucking tie and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not like anyone pays anyone else their beers anyways. By the way, the only two people who responded to my picks last week were Chandler and C.J. The responses were pretty weak, but I’ll buy you both a beer anyway (would have done it last week but didn’t go to the bar, because I left my wallet at home like a dumbass). Next time I give out an extra credit assignment, you should “WOW” me with things like “Magic, “Unicorns” & “Feline Aids”. Seriously, tighten up.

TBN over OAF
TBN should destroy OAF (Overcoming Any Fun). I’m guessing that these two teams combined will have 7 people at the bar afterwards. The funny thing is, the Beer Nuts will have 9 total people at the bar. So yeah, do the math… OAF will have exactly negative 2 people at the bar. That’s how “un-fun” they are. Truthfully, do they ever go out? I’m honestly not sure… I’m just picking on them because everyone else does. That’s how I roll.

EXTRA CREDIT
One free drink to whomever can tell me the true (and by true I mean completely fake) story of how Stoney’s came to be.

Jess said...

Growlers v. FreeBallers
I actually think this game will be closer than everyone thinks – this is the team that put up like 8 runs against the Ballics. Granted, most of them are washed up images of their former kickball selves who are holding tightly to one last shred of their youth, not to mention their Bi Poalar tendencies, I’m still impressed with the FreeBallers. I’m still going to go with Paul’s prediction though. With Griff and Ruben dreaming of their return to WAKA greatness the Ballers fall hard.

PBC v. Alcoballics
The great-kicking, excellent defensive side of the Bi Polarness shows up tonight and despite Deeks’ best beer-kicking-over performance, Mt. EFlo stays dormant for tonight. Ballics win!

Ligers v. Superbad
CJ can’t spell; throws douchey. Litman gets naked; passes out in conspicuous location. Both are winners?

Overcoming Adversity on the Field (OAF) v. THEE Beer Nuts
While normally I would agree you, Smooty, about the TBN Fun level I feel like it has tapered off this season – I mean Nate didn’t even dress up for lumberjack night . They do have that awesome MVP squirrel they give out each game though so they get points back for that. Still don’t have anything to say about OAF except I hate them for not dressing up for our theme. Really don’t have much to say about any team nowadays :( Everyone is getting old and blah So I'm blaming them for non-funny picks

JD said...

The story of Stoney’s, begins on the godless night of June 1, 1978. Unhappy with the race of man, God bequeathed a souless plague to torment the world as punishment. Over the years and after many repeated failures in life, the Plague was close to giving up hope. He roamed the earth until he stumbled into a magnificent place called Stoney’s populated with people with less to live for than himself. He grabbed a seat and ordered a glass of their finest Schlitz. The man next to him realized they had ordered the same drink and struck up a conversation. The man known as The Bearded One confided that he too had been ostracized from society. That conversation lasted for 40 days and 40 nights and when it was over the Plague and The Bearded One pledged to become life partners.

Years later as the Plague and The Bearded One were failing through life, they met a poorly-dressed fellow loser named Tobagi. Tobagi was cursed with the eternal love of the pale. Having exhausted her options, she welcomed the company of two fellow freaks. They invited her back to Stoney's for a drink and cry.

As luck would have it, that very night was Stoney's famous midget tossing contest. Through many a glass of the finest of malt liquors they enjoyed tossing back a few and struck up a conversation with some of the participants named BJ, Note, Thodd and Robbs. The conversion led to a common revelation that they hated the world and needed an opportunity to inflict as much disease upon the population as possible. The Tobagi had joined a kickball league as a way to meet suburban intoxicated males and they all agreed it to be a great cover. They decided to use the league as a cover to trick the innocent into their lair.......

As the story is currently being written I will pick:

Growlers d Freedom
PBC d Asians
Superbad d Ligers
TBN d OAR

Supa CJ said...

Growlers over freeballers

I really want to pick freeballers here but just don’t think Ruben can get into a fight with the whole team and get them ejected. With queen jess unable to ref this game there should be no blown calls so growlers win and still fail to show how douchey they are.

PCB over the Ballics.

With the Asians no longer in there natural environment (as being ninjas and stealing a win from a depleted Superbad.) they are back to there losing ways plus they can’t win now cause Smooty picked them to win. Sorry ballics you got the Smooty curse. But if someone pushes the Trini in the dirt I will be happy. Watch your beers in case there is a big sweaty guy on a roid rage.


Superbad over ligers

Not filling out my line card drunk this week I managed to spell the names of my teammates correctly. Since im getting older and my mental functions are returning to a third grade level and being called out that my pitching has lost a step. I decided to take a pill to enhance my aging body. If I have an erection longer that 4 hours I’m calling strippers. I thought blue team with hot shorts why not a blue pill. Hopefully Litman keeps his cloths on or else it may look like I have switched teams.

TBN over overcoming direction to the bar

Tbn wins easy and hopefully shows the other team how to get to the bar. It sucks to be a team that gets your ass beat every week and also not be fun or show up to the bar. Also TBN has lost some of there fun. What’s the deal are we getting to old for this shit?


Stoney’s was created when a bum won the lotto and decided to open a bar.

Smooty said...

Excellent picks Todd. Way to recycle, buddy!

Alison said...

Growlers v. Free Ballers
The only way the Growlers are going to lose now is if there is some major Growler emergency and they all go out of town and are replaced by kittens. Maybe not even then. We all remember what Asshole Catcher used to do to kittens back in the day. Maybe that’s just a sneaky ploy by the Grolwers to give the Free Ballers all Feline AIDS. Rubs and Griff already have the WAKA AIDS so it wouldn’t be too big of a deal for them.

Pitches Be Crazy v. Alcoballics
Since you never know which Ballic team is going to show up we are always a tough game to call. Between the cold tonight, and a win last week, we’re due for a loss to PBC. Last season I’d say we’d win this game easily, but now that PBC has learned how to kick it won’t be such a cake walk. Deeks will likely kick a homerun over our heads, but I’m hoping we throw enough of them out at first to keep too many runs for scoring. We’ll see.

Two weeks ago against the Free Ballers our third baseman ran up for a long bunt with runners on first and second. I always cover third in these situations so I was there, of course. Third baseman throws it crazy wide/out of bounds to first rather than get the lead runner out going to three (who ended up scoring). When he was explaining why he didn’t throw the ball to third he said “I forgot about getting people out at third.” True. Freaking. Story. The third baseman forgot that you could get runners out at third. Siiiiiiiigh. We’re not going to win.

Ligers v. SuperBad
Every time I read CJ’s picks I feel that there is humor in there, but I just can’t see it. Probably because I can barely read the version of English he writes in, but whatever. Since we beat Supa and the Ligers beat us, I’m going with a Liger win tonight. Litman’s Deerhead made the Power Rankings this week also so that’s gotta be a sign.

Overcoming Adversity on the Field v. THEE Beer Nuts
Poppin’ tags tonight!!! With a thrift store theme game on deck it should be interesting to see if OAF participates in this one. If they come out in full costume Jess will go hella feisty on them for snubbing the zoo. They have no idea what they’re in for. Poor, poor OAF. But I don’t feel too bad because they’re never at the bar. Maybe CJ is right and they just need a map. Because…some people don’t have maps.


Stoney’s is clearly the dysfunctional love child between Smooty and a daytime hooker.

Jess said...

OMG I DIE with secondhand embarrassment every time I watch that video

Smooty said...

I'm guessing that's the Miss South Carolina girl?

Alison said...

Oh my goodness....yes! I agree Jess. I cringe every time. It's so painful to watch.