Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Week 9 Picks

Make them. Caress them.

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17 comments:

Mabancroft said...

Superbad v Toejammers

The Jammers practice the 7 habits of highly effective kickball:

1) Be Proactive -- We vow to complain to the ref about CJ's illegal pitches before the game ever starts.

2) Begin with the End in mind -- We vow to pitch like a douche from the start, and we won't slow down.

3) Put first things first -- we vow to put the biggest asshole on the team (TAHM) at lead off. Set the example people.

4) Think win-win -- We vow to win at winning.

5) Seek first to understand, then to be understood -- We understand we are playing in the battle of douchbaggery. We hope that you understand that we are douchebags.

6) Synergize -- This just sounds like something Rubs would say in a pregame speech.

7) Sharpen the Saw -- And then kick some ass.


YLLINAD v Jacked Up:

Team that references the use of alcohol in their name against team that is now famous for having the hottest girls on the field. Drunken orgy, anyone? Whether an orgy actually happens or simply a kickball game goes down, greenies win either way.


HBHT v PBC

Deeks brings the most threatening/motivating pregame speech of the season and PBC rebounds after a tough loss last week.


Ballics v Growlers

In a mid season rule change GoKB has decided that playing any form of fundamentally sound defense is banned from the league. Oh wait, the Ballics already abide by that one. Growlers win.


Shockers v GBD

After a pregame discussion about what exactly a "shocker" is, GBD is so appalled that they lose by more runs than normal. Shockers win by about 15 runs.

TBN v Ligers

Alison can't be the first base ref to call Chandler out when he's obviously safe every game. Therefore the "chunt" makes the difference and the Ligers win.

!! HOT TUB PARTY TODD !! said...

BROWN – Superbad beat PBC, PBC beat Toejammers = Superbad beats Toejammers. Simple Math, but it’s true, Toejammers still haven’t earned my respect, even after their well-played victory last week over a Dysfunctioned Liger Squad. With Terminator’s separated shoulder, ruben’s pacemaker deactiviating Subway cards, Ben’s Hunger games Vice and Yellabird’s knotted snake, they’ll be fortunate if these guys can pull off a decent game.

GREEN - total Green,
Win = Green. Green.
Which reminds me…. T&A Green corner is bringing the bins! Ch-ching!

DEEKS BLUE –
HBHT has spent all week in the sports science center of the library calculating the optimal degree of pitching launch against DEEKS, valued at 65.2 degrees. HBHT focuses on effectively using the reaction mass of the pitch efficiently for a propulsion system. Reaction mass must be carried along with the ball and is irretrievably consumed when moved through the equilibrium of space-time. HBHT measuredg the amount of impulse that can be obtained from a fixed amount of reaction mass is the specific impulse, the impulse per unit weight-on-Earth (typically designated by ). The unit for this value is seconds. Since the weight on Earth of the reaction mass is often unimportant when discussing vehicles in space, specific impulse can also be discussed in terms of impulse per unit mass. This alternate form of specific impulse uses the same units as velocity (e.g. m/s), and in fact it is equal to the effective exhaust velocity of the engine (typically designated ). Confusingly, both values are sometimes called specific impulse. The two values differ by a factor of gn, the standard acceleration due to gravity 9.80665 m/s² ( ). upward force on the object by the surrounding environment, can be taken into account using Archimedes' principle: the mass has to be reduced by the displaced environment mass , with the volume of the object. So instead of use the reduced mass in this and subsequent formulas. HBHT has the perfect pitch.
Deeks still crushes it, then hangs the nerds up by their underwear on the fence.

BLACK - not a good season for the ballics. If only they could show up that growler karaoke queen, if only.

PURPLE – Halfway through the Game, Rob realizes he’s playing on the wrong team. It was the funniest moment in the game, the rest shall be forgotten.
BLUE Nation- If Half of the Liger team could show up half sober and half way caring about winning, they’d be unstoppable. However, all too often the math is against them… not for BEER OLYMPICS, a.k.a. Liger National Holiday. 100% Liger team x 25% sobriety x 75% caring + Peter = victory over 100% TBN.

DanPBC said...

Not much time to add commentary to the picks this week.

Toe Jammers win due to CJs creepy Beard tricks that fail him this week. I might be a little upset that I didn't trip him when he tagged and scored from 3rd last week.

YLLINAD wins because they care about winning games. Jacked Up doesn't give a damn because they have the hottest girls in the league. Would someone PLEASE do a super soaker game with them!

Pitches Be Crazy wins this one in a lopsided game. Meaning our lopsided base running nearly prevents us from reaching 1st base on half of our kicks. Thankfully we have Anne's "douche, perfectly timed bounces" on our side to strike out the side. I'm calling a perfect game here. 21 up 21 down!

Growlers win! Alcoballics need to step up the game or they could be a bottom dwellers after G,B,&D get scared out of the league.

Shockers win! No need to explain this one. It's going to be ugly.

Upset alert!!! The Beer Nuts win this one. The chunt fails as well as the attempted to win over the league with sympathy tickets to the TB Storm game. Doesn't matter if you're a Liger or a Ligga. Have fun eating meatloaf ligers.

FRANK said...

SUPERBAD vs. jammers
We win in a good old fashion hug out, we sing koombaya in a hacky sack circle in the middle of the field, and Cj shaves his beard

YLL vs jacked
Some really great people on these teams. YLL dont get jacked up, and Granny pitches throughout on this one. Trust falls for all.

PBC vs hbht
PBC are lead by Ghandeeks, and he holds a peaceful huddle before the game, passes out birkenstocks, and graciously accepts the W.

alco vs GROWL
In the heartwarming, made for TV theme game, "Angels vs Cherubs",
lead by Rob's wife, playing Jane Seymour, She steals the hearts of the audience, by handing out neclaces from her "Open Hearts" collection.

SHOCKERS vs gbd
The Shockers stuff their shirts with pillows and sing some of Barney's favorite hits such as "I love you", "Wheels on the Bus", and "Splish Splash". They win in a boy's chase girl's kiss off, and Rob gets red lipstick on this bald head.

tbn vs LIGERS
These teams are so close to my heart that I really dont know who to pick. Reports are, they are going to drink ecto-1 Hi-C, and Capri Sun coolers for the beer olympics, and Maria hands out kool-aid N.A. jello shots to all.

JD said...

ToeJammers over SuperBad

Cy Young-candidate, CJ cracks under all the pressure, grabs the ball and runs toward the playground. Policia get 47 calls from concerned parents over the creepy-bearded midget running amok. Frank uses the distraction to sucker-punch the ref. TJ's win and can finally rest after several sleepless nights masterbating in anticipation of this #1 vs #2 matchup.

YLL over JackedUp....So conflicted. JackedUp has a balanced attack of both hot blondes and hot brunettes and YLL wears green shirts. Going with my best friends, YLL

PBC over Sweet Sweet Honey.....Seiler was so pissed that Asian John cost us the game with a horrible throwing error that he had him deported back to Australia (Seiler struggles with geography). We get back to our winning ways.

Growlers over Alcoballics.....7 to 2

Shockers over GBD.......37 to -4

TBN over Ligers.......More recaps than runs scored.

Fat Kid said...

TJs over Supa - This week is a classic offense vs defense show down, with the highest scoring offense in the league (even after trying not to put up double digit numbers against HBHT and GBD) vs the #1 defense lead by Douchetastic Pitcher CJ. Last week, CJ rubbed some DeeksweaT on his beard and got the win, even though CJ doesn't shower, the DeeksweaT fades away and TJs put up 3 runs in the first. Final score 3-0 Jammers.

Green Team over Jacked Off to their girls last night...- Marvelous suggestion on a super soaker game, im looking at you Supa! suggest it, do it and enjoy it.

PBC over HBHT- could all of HBHTs players show up this week and bust the upset? maybe, but not likely, PBC comes out and whomps some ass.

Growlers over Ballics- The Chunt volunteers to ref on 1st base line and no matter how safe runners appear to be, they will be called out for the ballics, its karma. Growlers win in the 1st perfect game of the season.

Shockers over GBD- nuff said.

Ligers over TBN- i wish i played on a fun team that does the Beer Olympics, but alas i play on the Jammers and our definition of fun is winning. Even when we try fun games, we just come out looking more douchetastic than before.

Chandler said...

The commentary continues to get better every week... in part because we're getting a lot more sarcastic. Frank weaves together imagery that could make Maya Angelou cry.

Jammers - Overhand and sky-hook pitches lead to a 0-0 tie. But the excitement of a pitchers duel arouses both teams to the point of climax. Jammers splooge first... and thus win the game in a "shoot out."

YLLINugh - I wonder if the Jacked Up chicks read all of us creepy old men ogling (metaphorically) at them on the internets. Probably not... but whatever. Super Soaker Body Paint Game!!!

Pitches be Douchey - Justin and Josh hit back-to-back home runs. Alicia goes 2 for 2. Anne strikes out 15 kickers with bouncy pitches. Deeks goes back to yelling at his team when the cameras aren't rolling. HBHT comes dressed as Furries.

Grumblers - The 'Ballics probably still have a good game left in them. But they're saving it for the Ligers next week. Tonight they lose in style.

Shocks - Tonight Rob plays the role of Dr. Jack Kevorkian.

Beer Nuts - Last week I played a pretty mean trick on Todd. I allowed him to go through the entire week writing motivational emails to the team... and then when we got to the field I dropped the hammer! Which is to say... I informed him that Peter wasn't coming. So this week, I'll tell him BEFORE we get to the field. Dear Todd... Peter isn't coming. Nor is Rollo. We're going to get our ass kicked tonight.

Fat Kid said...

due to the new information, can i change my Ligers pick to TBN???

Chandler said...

Yep

Chandler said...

Abandon ship!!!

Nate Dawg said...

So much great commentary! I'm folding under all of the pressure to perform...probably do the same tonight vs the Ligers.
Supa
Greenies
PBC
Growlers
Shockers
TBN

Smooty said...

Superbad
YYLINAD
PBC
Growlers
Shockers
TBN

Litman said...

JAMMERS
ABCDEFG
PBC
GROWLERS
SHOCKERS
LIGERS

Josh H. said...

Talk about some great imagery Chandler! Super soaker body paint game?!?!? Make it happen!

Jess said...

No time for commentary. I suck.

Supa
YLL
PBC
Growlers
Shockers
TBN

Alison said...

I’ll try to get in some commentary before 4pm but no promises. Just trying to get the picks in under the wire.

ToeJammers
You Look Like I Need A Drink
Pitches Be Crazy
Growlers
Shockers
THEE Beer Nuts – game and Olympics

Alison said...

SuperBad v. ToeJammers
Sure to be an excellent game to watch. Probably a bitch to ref, though. And I’m not just saying that because I’m completely unqualified to ref any more games under any circumstances for the rest of the season. There are bound to be a lot of argued pitches, calls, etc. etc. This will be a hard fought game and I think it could go either way.

You Look Like I Need A Drink v. Jacked Up
Battle of the old hot v. the new hot. But Battle of the Body Paint never happens. Why? Because Gorecki is the commissioner in charge of setting it up.

Honey Badgers Hit That v. Pitches Be Crazy
It’s douchey for even suggesting that Anne pitches douchey in any way. You know what else is douchey? HBHT players stealing bases when a pitcher has the ball on the mound and then bitching when they are told to go back. HBHT got two runs on the Ballics last week from pulling to this crap and the Ballics just letting it go. Maybe we were trying that ‘no complaining’ shiz. Didn’t work out too well for us. Depending on which Deeks shows up we could either see indifference or Lucifer’s wrath. My fingers are crossed for Lucifer after last week. Burn baby, burn.

Alcoballics v. Growlers
After a reinvigorating win last week the Ballics play at a slightly higher level than has been seen in previous weeks. If the Growlers make a bunch of errors this might even be a close game. The Ballics have been known to pull out an upset or two but I’m not betting those beers on a longshot. The Growlers have become quite the fun team to play and hang out with, though, so I’m looking forward to a fun game.

Shockers v. Guys, Balls & Dolls
Robb has more hair on the top of his head than the Shockers do sportsmanship in their hearts. They never reach that ‘We are already a ton of runs up. Let’s not humiliate them.’ level. Did you expect different?

THEE Beer Nuts v. Ligers
This is a well attended game every season and I expect nothing less this week—former players, fans, minions, other teams, etc. I have no doubt that both teams will have fun and I have no doubt that TBN will win the Olympics and probably the game too.


Hate, hate, hate….bitches. Deuces.